Annoyed

I figure this is the safest place to get it out! My SO is annoying the crap out of me…he wants to be a radiology technician. He got the opprotunity because his company was closing so I said “hey I make enough money so just work part time and go to school since it’s only a 2 year program after the pre-req’s are done”…so he got into what he thought was the program…turns out bad school so we got him out, so now he’s been school shopping doing more research for the past like 2 weeks, well let me take that back! I me…Rhonda has been looking at other schools for him while he sleeps in and works part time.


So I find several programs and get him all the information. So I tell him he needs to start doing the pre-reqs in the summer term and he tells me that I’m “getting carried away” with “all of this school” CRAP! He called it “CRAP”!!!


I would love the opprotunity to be working part time and going to school and he is just being completely I don’t know…I don’t even know what he’s thinking. I’m just completely I don’t know…I think I’m on the edge of being unreasonable or maybe I’m pushing him into something he’s less than excited about or I don’t know. But he needs to speak up if he really doesn’t want to do this before I devote working full time to the next 2-3 years so he can go to school because if trust me I’d love to be the one working part time and going to school full time!


Thanks for letting me vent.

I think it’s time for a sit down personally, but in that realize having to leave the original school may have him somewhat depressed. When my hubs realized his school was a joke, he took it rather hard. It’s been over a month now and I don’t think he’s over it yet, but how do you deal with the loss of the money, the time and the energy you poured into a program that was junk? I don’t think there are any right answers. However, on the flip side, he can not sit and waste his days away either. That will make it worse if he is depressed so some gentle prodding may be in order.


Seriously though, talk about things with him and see what his options are and if his are slim start tweaking the plan to get you in school more full time.


Good luck.

Well I could see him being depressed if he had poured YEARS into a program that was junk, but he was only there for a few months, like maybe a little over 2! I’m upset about the loss of money as well. I guess I’ve just never experienced that, when I got the bad grades or whatever it was I had no one to blame but me so hard as that was and still sometimes is to swallow I can only blame myself.


I did talk to him this morning though after I found and presented to him via phone on my drive to work a viable option for him. He sounded less than enthused, but he’s so supportive of everything I do that I feel I should just cut some slack. He does have some time until summer semester begins. I tend to not slow down or give people a chance to breath…especially when it comes to something I feel strongly about, like education.


I suppose it is that type A personality thing.

Well, my DH is a type A. He’s the sole reason my house stays clean hehe.


But he was only at this uni for a few classes. It still hit him hard because he spent time researching the program and felt like he had wasted his time. Time to him is a precious commodity. I can’t explain the male mind. I just know loss of jobs/schools/wages etc seem to make them very depressed and very quickly. I don’t know how many of my girlfriends have dealt with this exact same thing. It’s rather creepy how similar the guys behave.


I really hope he wakes up and smells the coffee soon though. I work part time and feel like I’m burning the candle at both ends. I can’t imagine full time with school.

OK as a veteran of 32.5 years of marriage… not to mention kids raised to adulthood… I hope you won’t mind my venturing to say that it sounds like you have decided that you should be able to solve his problem.


Remember, it’s HIS problem. You are feeling like it’s your problem because he is, after all, your SO… and probably also because you are making some presumptions about what his goals are in respect to a career in health care. Quite honestly I would strongly recommend that you back off and focus on your own stuff, let him figure out what he wants to do. You think you’re being helpful by researching programs etc., pointing him in the right direction, but in fact he is a big boy, he can figure this out.


That’s not to say that you can’t voice your opinion when it affects YOUR goals. But don’t confuse supporting him in his efforts with getting to tell him what to do. The first is a generous loving supportive thing to do - a gift. The second is like giving someone a present but then telling them what to do with it.


My .02 (probably more, sorry).


Mary

Ok, first of all, I know I am completely confused about the how to interact with the Y chromosome. (Trust me I know they are as confused about us…its hard to just accept womans complete perfection and emotional stability…yeah right). Ok, that said I have dove head first into the Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus book series. Here’s what Meg has learned so far. Men are Mr.Fixit and they have this “cave” they go into when they are struggling or trying to solve problems. Men want to solve their own problems, it makes them feel good about themselves, yes and sometimes they want to fix ours when we just want to talk…but that’s another story. Anyway, I think it is best to back off of your SO and give him some breathing space with school. If you push him, even in a completely loving manner, he may be resentful and he may feel like you don’t trust him to fix his own problem. To me it sounds like he is in his “cave” where he is holed up in himself and trying to figure things out and come up with a plan for himself and may not be very expressive to you at this time. Maybe he doesn’t want to go back to school, maybe he has fears about how well he will do, maybe he feels like you are outdoing him(going to premed to go to med school and become a doc, and he is doing a 2 yr rad tech program…I’m not putting it down in any way, i have a 2 year degree, but maybe he is feeling that way??? I don’t know, just thinking out loud)…the main thing is to let him sort through this and the let him do the research and find out where he wants to go when he wants to. Give him some time. Ok i’m done regurgitating Mars and Venus…back to reading it now…only bad thing about it is that I am learning things I do as a woman really don’t always make sense to men…geez that burst my little “women are perfect” bubble. Meg

Thank you guys for the input. I think Mary was exactly right, I was “giving the gift” but then telling him how to use it. I think alot of it comes from jealousy. I’m jealous that I can’t work part time and go to school more, but financially that’s where we are. It’s just not possible for us right now, it is possible for him. I just get frustrated that he’s not taking full advantage of it.


I feel like I have to fight to get in every class, figure out where the money is coming from to pay for everything, work out a schedule with work, son and boyfriend, then study my *** off to get A’s! I was taking out that frustration on him and it’s really not his fault.


He actually asked me yesterday what I thought he should do about school, what I would do and then what he would do. I’m proud to say I was able to give an objective answer, he is not doing the program that “I” would have chosen, but after we talked through it, he is doing the program that is best for him. I wanted him to to go the OU bachelors program and not only learn radiology but they teach a specialization in 1 of 4 areas. After reading about it I was absolutely certain that was his path in life. However he is opting to take his pre-req’s at the same university that I am attending, then applying to the technical program that teaches the radiology part. He will end up being ARRT certified and that’s what he wants. So I am just happy that he didn’t give up altogether.


And Meg…just because the men don’t understand us doesn’t mean we aren’t “perfect”!

  • averyismycat Said:
Ok, first of all, I know I am completely confused about the how to interact with the Y chromosome. (Trust me I know they are as confused about us....its hard to just accept womans complete perfection and emotional stability....yeah right). Ok, that said I have dove head first into the Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus book series. Here's what Meg has learned so far. Men are Mr.Fixit and they have this "cave" they go into when they are struggling or trying to solve problems. Men want to solve their own problems, it makes them feel good about themselves, yes and sometimes they want to fix ours when we just want to talk....but that's another story. Anyway, I think it is best to back off of your SO and give him some breathing space with school. If you push him, even in a completely loving manner, he may be resentful and he may feel like you don't trust him to fix his own problem. To me it sounds like he is in his "cave" where he is holed up in himself and trying to figure things out and come up with a plan for himself and may not be very expressive to you at this time. Maybe he doesn't want to go back to school, maybe he has fears about how well he will do, maybe he feels like you are outdoing him(going to premed to go to med school and become a doc, and he is doing a 2 yr rad tech program.....I'm not putting it down in any way, i have a 2 year degree, but maybe he is feeling that way??? I don't know, just thinking out loud)....the main thing is to let him sort through this and the let him do the research and find out where he wants to go when he wants to. Give him some time. Ok i'm done regurgitating Mars and Venus....back to reading it now.....only bad thing about it is that I am learning things I do as a woman really don't always make sense to men....geez that burst my little "women are perfect" bubble. Meg



Meg,

Thanks for a perfect example of my theory on the etiology of difficulties that appear to be inherent in malefemale relationships.

Simple Rules:

#1 - we truly are not complicated creatures & in fact quite simple. You guys overthink us by at least an order of magnitude.

#2 - that clueless look on our faces when confronted with an issue or issues that have been causing you substantial unrest is real...it is not a ploy to gain the uppoer hand nor leverage in the ensueing argument

#3 - keeping us entertined is really simple: sports, occasional physical relations, access to at least look at really cool cars and the occasional adult beverage...with these available, we will keep quite nicely

#4 - thanks for the compliments, but please do not imbue us with too much credit - we really are that simple & clueless...not only that, we prefer this and would rather remain that way...it is easier to sustain our child-like wonderment at the world that way

#5 - ignorance truly is blissful

Dave,


You are welcome. Yes, we do get the clueless look quite often…but we do tend to use our super power called “crying on command” to will you guys to move too…shhh, it is a secret…also we do realize that when sports are on there is NOTHING to get your attention, including your woman in her birthday suit…yeah tried that and was horribly let down and did that ‘you don’t find me attractive bit’ and used my super power of crying on command…still didn’t work…sigh…we are the irresistable force, yet you are the immovable object…and we still love you so much! -Meg