Hello everyone! I am searching for any hope I might cling to, and I’d love to get your opinions on my situation. I am 34/f; three years ago, with a 31 MCAT score, two degrees in Human Ecology and Microbiology, 3 years as a teacher and a 3.84 gpa, I started medical school. At the time, I was just leaving a ten year long relationship with a man who was physically and emotionally violent with me. I had undiagnosed and untreated depression, anxiety disorder, and PTSD. Surprisingly, that was not a recipe for a successful medical student, and after seven weeks in medical school, I attempted suicide. I took a leave of absence and withdrew; I had one year to return. I received extensive therapy, worked very hard on achieving a level of health that would make me stronger for the coming year, yet when I had the chance to go back, I still did not feel ready. Unfortunately, I kept telling my school that I was ready and even showed up for their pre-year, three week Med Camp. It became clear at that time I was truly not ready. Unfortunately, I dropped off the face of the Earth without telling my school. I went to my brother’s land, in the desert in Arizona, and disappeared. I was unprofessional and I was wrong. I thought at the time that leaving medical school was the only option I had, and it was unbearable to admit it. I kept hoping something would make me turn around and change my mind, but I truly wasn’t ready. I thought I would become a PA or an NP and move on with my life.
Fast forward another year, and all I can think about is medicine. I have completed another year of school, taking A&P and Pharmacology, prereqs for PA or NP school, and am currently working as a medical scribe. I am a survivor of domestic violence and mental illness, and I just keep thinking how much more I could do as a doctor to help others who are struggling, particularly in a field like psychiatry. I have seen the limitation of our NP here, the amount of freedom and knowledge the doctors have in comparison, and I wonder if there might be any chance at all of redeeming myself and having some school, DO or MD, somewhere in the US, take one more chance with me. I’d move anywhere, I’d do anything to prove I am capable and responsible. I have even applied (and am waiting to hear back) from an SMP program where I could prove I really could handle the work. I know this is a long shot, but I just keep thinking surely someone might have seen a similar situation, surely somehow this dream is not over?
I can probably say that the reason why you see so many views of your page but no reply is because your story is extremely unique and so many don’t feel it is appropriate to respond since they have not experienced what you have. I personally have not gone through anything like you describe and I think that your continual drive to pursue medicine is very admirable.
I think the big question medical schools would have is, “Is she really ready or does she just want to be ready?” You obviously have been through more than most. I think your best shot is to show them in your PS that you have healed and that you are ready to take on the challenges of medical school.