I have been bitten by the FUD
I was riding a high since last spring…Straight A’s in classes, getting married, signing up for the MCAT……and then suddenly over the past two weeks as I get closer to my test date and start thinking about submitting applications the FUD began to creep in and I can’t seem to shake it.
This semester has been a tough one and I am struggling with prioritizing MCAT studies (which I feel will make or break me) and classes (one Bio lab class worth 1 credit that I had to take this year because I couldn’t fit it in last year is driving me nuts….It is consuming so much time that I am starting to resent it and the grading is so nitpicky that I am not totally sure I will get the A I am working for)
And then there are those B’s……I thought I had come to terms with them and learned good lessons worthy of writing in my personal statement ….but now I am feeling like they and the C I got in an undergrad Algebra class will be the death of my dreams (Ok….maybe just a wee bit too much drama there)
Overall my stats are….average… 3.5 undergrad. 3.6 something post bacc science (maybe 3.7 if I can pull through on this damn lab but I’m not gonna count on it)
I know I need that 30+ MCAT….2 practice tests in I am still in the mid to high 20’s bleh
I am have 17 schools currently on my list DO and MD I will probably add more.
DO school is actually my first choice but I have not yet found a DO to shadow (although I have talked to a lot of DO residents when I shadow in the ER every week) so I am worried.
Worried, pretty much sums it up… I know there is no “formula†and I have read that stats page so many times I almost have it memorized…I know I just need to go for a run and think about the good things. Teaching my drama class, amazing shadowing opportunities, volunteer work, Good LOR’s, a supportive family….
And then get back to studying.
I suppose I am looking for encouragement, or sage advice and I just wanted to admit my fear so that maybe I will stop spending time searching this site and the rest of the internet for “the answer†which is obviously not to be found anywhere but with me ; )
Mallory, I think you hit the nail on the head - that the solution to your FUD isn’t on OPM, or on the Web anywhere, but within yourself. I think a bit part of this is perspective. If you can reach within yourself and try to shift your perspective, perhaps the FUD will diminish some. I know that’s been the case for me.
Like you, I’m studying for the MCAT right now. When I started, I was terrified. I saw the MCAT as a make-or-break situation as well. But I’m making a conscious effort to look at the MCAT in a totally different way - not as standing in the way of my getting into medical school, but as being my ticket to getting into medical school. It’s still the MCAT, it’s still going to be incredibly difficult. But changing my view on the MCAT has really helped me focus more and fear less. (And when I’m afraid, I find it very hard to focus, so that can be a vicious cycle.) I also find that if I take action, if I’m working toward my goals, that I feel less afraid because I know I’m doing what I have to.
A dear friend recently reminded me of an old saying: “It’s better to light one candle than to curse at the darkness.”
This certainly applies to the MCAT, and to applying to medical school.
You can do it, Mallory.
Thanks for the words of wisdom Lorien!
I think you are right about trying to think of the MCAT as a useful tool. I have been reading your MCAT updates and enjoying them, I even think I found your flashcards on Quizzlet the other day…I love the idea of making flashcards for my phone!
You are right about fear too. It takes a lot of energy to be afraid and anxious. And the time and energy would be infinitely better spent working toward the goal.
Now if only my brain and I could get on the same page about these things!
Mallory,
I second everything that terra says. I did not have the privilege of a lot of time to study for my mcat which was both a curse and a blessing. Curse in that I know I would have been better prepared with more time,. Blessing since I did not have time to think about it before my exam whcih would have driven me to more FUD. Looking back, I would not have changed a thing as here I am in medical school living out my dream. The mcat being behind you will be one more step toward your goal. Try to not get stuck in “analysis paralysis” by over analyzing what it will take to get in to med school. It will suck much needed energy and focus away from things you can control. With that said, what you are feeling is normal and you will experience it again in med school. When you catch yourself Fud’n, take a breath and focus on the next step of your journey, one step at a time. Use that energy to inspire you through your next step. After my acceptance, my mentor had my wife and I over for dinner. He gave me 3 gifts. A stethoscope, to listen to others hearts. A wine opener to remember to keep my wife’s heart by spending time with her. And a tool for my my mountain bike to remind me to keep my heart full of the things that bring me joy away from medicine. Be sure to keep your balance on this ride to becoming a physician, you don’t want to fall off. Best of luck, cheers.
“analysis paralysis”
What a great phrase to sums up what all the over analyzing really does! (and I am 100% guilty of being an over analyzer)
I think your mentor must be a pretty wise man. Those are beautiful gifts! thank you for passing them on in the form of your story 
One step at a time indeed! When I ran my first marathon that was my mantra and this should be no different. There is a song by the Decemberists called "Rox in the Box " and my favorite line is “get the rox in the box, get the water right down to your socks.”
I certainly need to take a deep breath and just continue to do what needs to be done. and let go of the rest.
I really can’t change the past, and I can only give my best in the future.
Thank you for the stories and advice!