I need help! I am a RN and will be returning to college in a few weeks to finish my pre-med stuff. I am worried because 85% of the time i am all psyched about pre-med life, med school, residency, and being a doctor. but some days my interest drops and i don’t want to do it. i love medicine and have analyzed to death my desire to be a doctor and why i want to be one,etc. My intentions are good and not self-centered and i think I would really enjoy every step of the process. My questions is this: Were there days when you were an undergrad or now as a med student where you sit back and go “No way am I doing this to myself” or wonder why you even want to do it? Is it normal to question yourself at times? I would love any comments! thank you!
AstroBloo,
I’ve found that it’s easier for me if I just take things one step at a time. If I contemplate the whole picture, it is overwhelming! I try not to dwell too much on what my life is going to be like in clinicals & residency. It’s important to be informed and know what you’re getting into, but it doesn’t help to get all stressed out about it years before it will happen.
So, I can say that I have second-guessed myself at times. Especially being the mother of a small child (and soon two!), I sometimes think “what am I doing?”. But, I know it’s the right thing for me and I press on.
I cannot agree more with spacecadet. I have really been trying to make myself stay focused on the here and now. If I look to far ahead, it all seems wwwaaayyyy to daunting. Of course, at times, I do get carried away and begin to think about this task I have undertaken and sometimes I feel so inadequate that it scares me to death. However, I always try to bring myself back to the task(s) at hand and put my energy and worry into doing them the best I can.
Keep up the hard work and try not to look to far ahead. Stay focused on the daily grind, but don’t lose sight of where you want to be.
I think those introspective moments where you wonder if it is worth all the hassle are perfectly normal. It’s a huge decision and a big commitment to opt out of a established life youre probably pretty happy with, of course you’ll doubt if its worth making the change every once in awhile.
I find myself doing this regularly, and I am on my third year Pediatrics rotation. I stand there and think, “I will never know all this stuff, obviously every other person in this room is smarter than I am.” I think rebelliously, "My brain is full, I can’t do it any more."
And then I shuffle off and DO whatever I just thought I couldn’t do, or I find that I know something no one else remembered, or that everyone else drew a blank on a question that I thought meant I wasn’t cut out for it.
Then there are the days when I left the house at 6:00 am, worked all day and into the night without even having a chance to THINK about my family, much less call them to say hi… thought of them briefly as I checked into the student call room at 2am (but couldn’t call them up!), thought of them again briefly when I got up at 5am, then worked through ANOTHER day, finally did get home to see my husband and kids at 7:00pm and rolled into bed at 8:00pm.
On those days I feel like a sh!t for not even thinking of the people who are so important to me, and I can get down on myself for being so wrapped up in my new “job.”
But in that post-call hour between 7pm and 8pm, before I collapsed, I described what I was doing with such enthusiasm that my husband and daughter were saying “Cool!” and “That sounds like fun!” and I realized they were right.
People wonder if they are crazy to have these conflicting feelings. I think you’d be crazy NOT to - it’s a very tough career to choose and you SHOULD regularly re-assess your willingness to do it.
Thank you so much! I appreciate all your honesty and helping me to realize that i am not crazy! I do try to keep myself in the here and now but sometimes it is so tough. I got married last weekend and am so happy now and we plan on starting a family in 1 1/2 years or so. There are so many things to think about. I know deep down that I want to be a physician but I also wonder if the good will outweigh the negative. I had posted on the pre-med circle titled "Mental illness" and talked about my being schizoaffective/bipolar. Everyone has always supported me including all my docs with going to med school and being successful and most of the time i believe i have the tools to do that. But I also take 9 medications a day, 4 directly for my illness and a few for side effects, well the 4 make me REALLY sleepy and I take one called ProVigil(which is actually for pts with narcolepsy) just to keep me more awake and then I function great. But I am still tired at times and if I take my pills and then go to sleep i will not wake up for 12-15 hours unless using an alarm clock going off for a half hour. Sometimes it seems the cure is as bad as the disease. I love being in the hospital at work and with the patients and learning about all the drugs and diseases and I fantasize about the days when I am a med student and being taught medicine in much more depth and I love the learning process. I'm one of those people that constantly wants to be learning new things, during lunch break what can i read to learn, what can i ponder in the car to figure out, etc My brain is running all the time and curious about all many things and I have such a deep desire to know. I'm basically frustrated with my illness right now, actually not my illness my medications. Every psychotropic med makes you tired that is jsut the way it is and it is one of the main reasons that people are non-compliant with their meds. I take mine daily because i know the importance of them but i usually curse them before i do. 
I know i need to take it one step at a time because who knows, in several years i may not need as high a dose of meds or they may have better meds that don't make me as sleepy, who knows. I appreciate you all letting babble here, sorry if i rattled on so long! Thanks for being a great bunch and sharing your tough times and hurdles, it gives me hope a much to think about. Take care. 