Hi, all. Hope everyone is doing great! I had a crazy, sad, roller coaster week last week and thought I’d share.
First things first, I lost a mentor. One of my personal docs passed away unexpectedly last week Monday. He was an inspiration to me and a big supporter of mine. He was really more of a mentor to me than just another doctor I see every so often for a few minutes. We talked at length about the path to medical school. The last time I saw him he mentioned he’d be happy to write a letter of rec for me when I apply next year. I have my sights on his alma mater, in fact. I never knew he himself was once an “old” MS until about 1 1/2 years ago (I’ve know him for at least 7 years now). I used to go and on about how I have always wanted to go to med school, then I went back to school very half heartedly figuring I’d go into nursing because that is what single mom’s in their 30’s should do if they are interested in medicine. Nursing is a worthy career, do not get me wrong, it was just never in the cards for me, but I thought it would be the closest option I had to getting near medicine. After a few classes I got my confidence and got very excited about science again. I told this doc of mine I thought I may just switch gears and go for it. That is when he told me he was an MS1 at 40. Here this man I looked up to was not only a great doctor, but was an “old” MS at one point, too. Hallelujah! Long story short (too late) that clinched it for me and I officially became an OPM. Of course, I found this OPM site along the way, but this doctor had a huge impact on my life and I will miss him dearly.
So, I grieved a lot last week, and studied a lot, too. I had my gen chem II cumulative final from 8-10 am on Friday and then my Calculus cumulative final from 10:30-12:30 the same day so I had my work cut out for me last week. Thursday was the wake/visitation and then after that emotional event, I went straight to my daughter’s preschool for her spring concert/Mother’s Day Celebration. Talk about a whirlwind of emotions in one day. A 3.5 year old on a sugar high and hyped up from her concert did not help me get a well rested evening either. Not to mention, the memory, finality, but joy, too, of the wake had me sleeping very restlessly also.
So, I went into my finals exhausted, but prepared. I feel I did pretty well on both. I was so worried about calculus this semester having not had an algebra class since maybe junior year of high school (what almost 20 years ago?),but I did very well. I was getting an A as of my last exam and I’m pretty sure I got an A on the final so I’m really proud of myself on that one. I actually might even miss doing all that calculus homework! I actually enjoyed it.
Chemistry was more of a bear this semester and it didn’t help that I spent about a month in a fog in the beginning of the semester. I got over it, but I had some really unfocused moments in chemistry as a result. I was still above average on all tests, but getting a B+ on two exams was killing my spirit for chemistry. Especially because they were often stupid mistakes like doing the problem correctly, but circling the wrong answer in haste (seriously!?). I would really, really kick myself over these ridiculous mistakes. Clearly I knew what I was doing but made a test anxiety error that was inexcusable. And, his grading was harsh, so I could get only 3 wrong on a really tough exam, but still get only a B+ letter grade. My 4th exam was 100%, though, and I was feeling better toward semester’s end. I think the final went okay, also, though other students thought it was horribly hard. I didn’t think it was that bad. There were two ?'s out of left field, but overall I didn’t think it was that difficult or surprising. I hope that’s a good sign. I really hope I can pull off an A in the class, but if not, I will live. What’s done is done. I will just work that much harder in other classes to come. I just cannot fathom getting less than an A in anything these days. It’s been a real lesson in patience with oneself!
Monday was my Genetics final and I overprepared. It was easy. I finished 60 multiple choice questions and ten short/medium(lol.) answers in about 35 minutes. I already had a solid A so I was least worried about this course.
I handed in my key for the biology lab after my exam on Monday and that was a relief. I had been working part time in the Bio lab over the Fall and Spring semesters and on top of working off campus also, volunteering 4 hours a week in Hospice, taking full time classes and being a single mom, I was so happy to be done! It was great experience to work in the lab, but it was a lot of work and with everything else it took away from my study time, too. I wouldn’t do it again, but it’s over and I made it through and I did well!
Summer school starts soon, so I’m enjoying a little time off to breathe.
Leaving campus on Friday, as I was beating myself over some chemistry question I just knew I got wrong even though I knew how to do it (brain just shut down, I swear)I had to remind myself of all I have accomplished and how I am so much closer to medical school I am already starting to feel like a med student. I gave myself a pat on the back and told myself to shut up. And, then I smiled, knowing my dear doctor mentor would have been very proud of me, too. I would have told him all about my crazy week in full detail, but he is gone. I mourn his loss, but I thank him for all he gave me. What powerful lessons we can learn when we stop the self abuse, quiet our minds for a second and take it all in.
Cheers to you, Dr. Mentor! I’m going to make it and you had a major role in this awesome journey! God Bless. And cheers to all us nontrads who are making it everyday! We all have the power to harness all this energy and transform medicine in even little ways, positively impacting the lives of one patient at a time. I know I sound like a sap, but it’s been one of those sappy weeks!
Thanks for “listening” everyone!
WTG, Shannon!
That is an inspiring story!
There are a LOT of perfectionists on here, so remind yourself --you don’t have to be perfect, you are not going to be perfect, it’s ok not to be perfect.
To misquote Stuart Smalley , you just have to be “good enough”. Striving for A’s and doing your very best, and accepting your humanity that it going to occasionally cause you to get fewer questions right than you hoped for. Take the B+ and move on! 
Keep us up to date on how you are progressing - am sure we will be seeing more of you!
Kate
Hey, Shannon-
I am sorry for your loss. How wonderful and fortunate that you have had such a person in your life to encourage you!
Good luck to you on your journey and congratulations on your accomplishments so far. They are something to be proud of! Balancing school and motherhood is never easy, let alone premed classes. Be seeing you around, I’m sure. Cheers!
I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was an amazing individual who touched a lot of people.
As for the rest of it? Amen, and Amen, sis-tah! I’m so proud of you, Shannon! Just look at what you’ve been able to accomplish!! What a beautiful legacy you are building for your daughter. She is so lucky to have you!
Happy belated mother’s day, and again–I am so proud of you!
Thanks for the lovely words, everyone! I love that I can come here and share and vent and I know that I will always get honest, often heartfelt responses in return.
I love the Stuart Smalley stuff, Kate! That’s great. It’s is so hard to accept that we are “good enough”, isn’t it? But, we all are.
Happy Mother’s Day belated also to you, Carrie, and of course all the other hard working moms here. We are all making great examples for our daughters(and sons, too!) I’m proud of all of you also!
I had a great meeting with my premed advisor today and got my Genetics grade back: A as I expected. Now, I’m just anxiously awaiting the Calculus and Chemistry grades. I’ll be fine, though. I’ve made peace with my odd semester in chemistry and will deal with whatever I get. I know it won’t be awful by any means, but it was, well, just a strange semester in that class! I’m still kind of riding high over the bang up job I did in Calculus, though. I think I was an algebra teacher in another life, along with a surgeon and a novelist and on and on.
Wish I was going to the conference this year, but maybe next time.
All the best to everyone and thanks again for the great replies! My heart is all warm and fuzzy again.