I have some really good friends in my med school class. Sit in the front with the other serious students, and ask them about their weekend, and confess your vulnerabilities. “I got nowhere on this pathway last night,” and “I’m so far behind,” are really good things to say. Other people are behind too and it makes them feel better when you let them know they aren’t alone.
Ask people to study with you. Quiz each other at the gym if your new friends turn out to be gunners (mine aren’t.) It all works out and your age doesn’t matter.
My advice: just chat about whatever you’re interested in: sports, politics, movies, future medical career. They’re younger but they’re still adult college graduates-- it’s not like “Strangers With Candy”. Jerri Blank!!!
Not to sound trite, but they are people and not another species. They only younger than you are…not another form of life from another solar system. Think of it as an exercise in meeting people from a multitude of perspectives…just as you will doing over & over & over every day as a med student on clinical rotations,as a resident and as a physician. This is where older folks have the upper hand - usually - people skills.
Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill…besides, they will probably find “first hand history” from someone who actually lived through it MOST intriguing!
- OldManDave Said:
Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill...besides, they will probably find "first hand history" from someone who actually lived through it MOST intriguing!
Unless they are pre-teens/teenagers...then I might have to say that they may seem like they come from another world :D.
But I totally agree...while there may be times when they'll refer to the 80s as the old days, like we would talk about the 50's. It seems though that age becomes less and less a factor as you move into your mid-twenties...the line definitely becomes blurred. Plus if you have been pursuing this goal for a while, you've already been in school with many younger people...the difference is that the starting age range is higher than in college where you'll come face to face with many 17-18 y/os.
One of my best friend’s during undergraduate was a retired firefighter who was exactly twice my age. I learned far more than just chemistry and such. I learned some of the most valuable life lessons that shaped me into the person I have become. Bill consistently demonstrated many of the virtues that I have striven towards. He was the first to class and last to leave, always putting forth his best and encouraging everyone around him to do the same. He was truly a blessing to those of us that were privileged to have studied alongside him. That is the only impression I have ever had of an “older” student.
I was also friends with the old nontrads during my undergrad years. I was 19-21 and my friends were 25-35. I was married with a kid and related better to the older students than the ones my age, but you couldn’t tell that by looking at me. I suspect most med schools have at least a few students who are married and more mature, even though they are younger than us.
I have found in my premed classes that a lot of the young students don’t even know I’m old till I tell them. . .I’m genetically blessed, I guess. (Yeah, I was the one who looked 14 when I was 21). I don’t generally have problems finding someone I can relate to. I think if in a class of ~150, if a nontrad student can’t find one person to be his/her friend, it is more likely you than them. I think the best thing to do is just relax about your age and be friendly and accepting. Yes, you will have to bite your tongue sometimes around the really immature ones, but sometimes it’s better to ‘get along’ than to ‘be right.’
I always sit front or second row center. So, do all of the other serious students. I have found with that level of confidence, being the top students, that they also have a comfort level with more mature “adults”. Plus, I get all the great study partners. I ask them how to do things, I am just learning the material too. They sometimes catch on a bit faster on some material, and my life experience gives me an advantage in other ways. (I am not a slouch. But, I am always willing to ask for help if I think I need it.) It’s been said previously, just go out of your way. You have something to give, and they do too.
Wow! I’m impressed at how many people replied to my post during this past week and the encouraging responses everyone had. This went a long way to assuaging my fears. I guess it’s like learning to swim; eventually I’ll just have to jump into the water. Thank you all.
I am not in med school yet, but I did recently complete a grad program which included the first year of med school (with both med and pre-med students), and I was definitely in your boat for the first few months. Although I’m not a loner per se, I am a frosty New Englander, and I’m not likely to become immediate “BFFs” with the most outgoing people. I had assumed it would be easy to make friends (thinking I was among ideological peers), but it was really very much like the first semester of college - I found myself in a clique that cared far more about partying and the social scene (but yet they were far more cut-throat than in college).
It was difficult, because I wanted to keep these “friends” in order to have a study group, but I felt I had nothing in common with the other students (although I was only 27 and looked young, I was a “townie” and took school very seriously). One day, I was late and ended up sitting next to a girl who actually made eye contact and smiled at me, and I took the opportunity to chat with her because she seemed sincere. I eventually became friendly with her and we formed our own study group consisting of students with a very wide age range (22 to 38!) and diverse backgrounds, but all sharing a similar approach to school and medicine.
My advice? Don’t plunge into the cliques, and take your time to look for the people with whom you might have something genuinely in common - it may not be age or family status, it might be something as simple as a great obscure book or travel experience. They’re harder to find, but they’ll make better friends and study partners.
That list is hilarious. I was a front row, “A”, white girl. I was not mean or aggressive, but that grade was non-negotiable. This was during undergrad work, first attempt. I’m lucky I get a seat now.