Anyone else having to uproot kids and finding it difficult? We are moving in less than 2 months now. My 3rd grader is ok with the move although she is leaving an award winning dance studio that would have trained her fantastically throughout the years. But my son who is 16 and in 11th grade is not happy at all. He says he doesn’t blame me, but most of his angry seems aimed right at me and I feel really guilty. The worst part about all this is we only moved up here to northern VA less than a year ago so we are moving twice in a very short time.
How has anyone else dealt with uprooting older kids?
I haven’t moved my kids, but I have been on the other end of it. We moved about every year when I was a kid, so I can sympathize with yours. High school was the hardest one - friends are hard to replace and it messes up your status at school. I remember being very angry with my parents when they moved me in high school. But, I got over it and everything worked out fine. There might be a few rough months until he gets established with new friends and activities. Probably lots of talking on the phone with old friends for a while. Since you’re moving in the summer, you might look into a summer program/sport/activity where he can make some friends right away before school starts.
Best of luck.
Since you just moved to Northern Virginia a short time ago, you have experience moving your kids. I am sure that they will adjust as long as the family is together. You choices are to stay in Northern Virginia and apply to schools in Washington, DC or make the move and start in Blacksburg.
You kids will make new friends and you will be in Blacksburg for awhile. Believe it or not, your daughter will find another dance school down here. The Roanoke Valley has everything and it is a wonderful place to live. Blacksburg is a college town and has many resources.
Are you going to feel guilty about the move? Sure, but you have made the decision and your kids have your support to get them through the tough spots. When you started this whole process, you knew that the possiblity of a move was on the horizen didn’t you?
Start some new traditions in Blacksburg like making a voyage up to the Star every year about this time. Do some extra-fun thing that they have been wanting to do as a reward for being troopers! Life serves up many experiences and adventures so this move can be one along those lines and can be a great experience. Your kids are going to take their emotional cues from you so if you are moping along and feeling guilty about this move, they will pick up on it and feed into it.
Many of my friends were “service brats” who moved at every turn. Guess what? They are some of the best-adjusted folks that I know. They are adventuresome and able to make quick adjustments. Not bad characteristics to have in today’s world of quick changes.
I live about an hour and 15 minutes from the med school I will be attending in august, and the commute is a killer. It involves driving across Big Sewell Mountain, which gets really bad in the winter time. I am just not willing to move my husband and kids away from our home, which is situated nicely between the two grandmothers’ houses. It is important to me for them to be close to other family, sort of like a support system for them while I’m busy studying. So, I found an efficiency apt. that is perfect for my needs, and not too expensive. This will allow me to have a place close to the school for when I don’t have the time (or the energy!!) to commute, and there is enough room (barely!) for them to come several evenings thru the week and cook me dinner and to hang out. I plan to always be home on the weekends. I just hope they won’t resent me for being gone so much.
Try not to worry about it, your kids will end up fine even if they are upset about it now.
I grew up in the military and we literally moved every year of my life until I was 18, I went to over 12 schools (and also was homeschooled). I LOVED it! Sometimes I was really upset sometimes about leaving my friends and stuff but I was always really happy once I got to our new place and made new friends and got settled in.
Any kind of change like that is scarey, especially for kids but it will only be good for them…learning to adjust to new people and situations is a lifeskill that a lot of people don’t possess!
Anyways, don’t worry about it too much, you and your children will be fine
Depending on the personalities of your children, during the first year you might hear a lot of complaining or pleas to move back “home.” Mine were very vocal, even when they were making lots of new friends. I appreciated how they expressed their feelings because it helped me to to gauge how well they were making the transition. The complaints became fewer as new friendships became stronger, more developed. Don’t allow your children’s dismay to unnerve you, but do listen to them and be willing to adjust some of your day to day activities when they need more attention. In rare cases, children can become clinically depressed after a move. If you know the signs of depression, you can judge whether or not your child needs professional help in making the transition to the new home (always remember that you know your child and are the best judge of behavior that is not characteristic of him/her). In the end, they will be fine, possibly even more well-adjusted than before since the move can teach them how change is manageable (all of this has been said in a variety of ways by others, but it’s worth repeating).
I remember hearing about an “advice for moving with kids” book that addressed just this topic. The book’s author was interviewed on a morning talk/news show (the show aired last year, June). I remember thinking (as I listened to the author), “Gee i wish I had known all of this before!” … but I can’t remember the book title…you might want to do a google-search for books/articles on the subject of “moving with kids” or “moving” and “children” to find more info.
Once I realized I was going to be applying to an offshore school, my 12 year old piped up right away that he didn’t want to be where there were hurricaines!! Well, as it turned out, they didn’t offer much for kids past the 8th grade, and I found St. Chris in England. My kids are pretty good about it, though my daughter would prefer to be near my sister (who she idolizes). Still, all in all, being almost 7 and 13, they are doing well with it. My biggest concern is that I will be leaving my oldest here (who’s almost 21) because he’s never lived on his own, and right now, doesn’t think beyond today. I figure he’ll have to sink or swim now, and it isn’t as if I haven’t been giving him many “heads up” since I started back to school. Hopefully it’ll be an enlightening kick in the butt! My family are the ones giving me the hardest time. My sister thinks I’m abandoning everyone and being totally selfish (since my dad has just been admitted to hospice) and my mother is disabled and living with my brother. They would have preferred I move back to Arkansas but I chose not to. Such is life. People will adjust, its a choice.
Hey funny thought: you are going into medicine so why not try an early pharmacology lesson and just tranquilize them?
Thank you I will be here all week!!
I moved with 4, count them 4 children. I also moved 2 dogs. Count them…2 puppies doggies. I also have one horse BACK IN THE STATES (for sale) and I am buying a new one for my daughter to ship back before we leave (competition being such that it is).
In the beginning they are really exited about seeing new things. Make the most of that and when you move remember to take a day or so and go exploring. GO find new parks, hills, areas where they can be kids and find something about the new area that they do not have back in the old country. The backlash will likely happen months later when a rainy boring day happens and they have a chance to remind you what they had back home and how much they miss seeing their friends. Do yourself a favor, don’t feel bad. Pick up the phone and dial their old friends. Let them talk, as much and as often as necessary. It will allow them to vent. IT will allow them to talk about the new place as well. Eventually, they will adjust and like the new place and eventually it will become the old place because after school, you’ll be moving again…for residency.
I just noticed that your original post was April 24th. You mentioned that your move was less than two months away which puts it right about now! Hope everything is going well!