Hello Everyone!
My name is Claire and I am a hopeless case. At 30 years old, with a wonderful career ahead of me and just having landed a highly desirable, competitive and prestigious teaching job, teaching chemistry and biotechnology in a school recently visited by President Obama, and despite being pleased by the position, all I can think about is that I could be a doctor by now.
I’ve given up on the dream of being a doctor repeatedly, thinking it seemed too hard, too daunting, that I was not smart enough to do. I would cite wonderful reasons and start to get excited about one career or another, until I got that same nagging feeling of where exactly I would be in the process if I had not given up on being a doctor.
Rundown on qualifications: I have two degrees - in Child Development (where I first completed my pre-med requirements), and Microbiology, my gpa is not stellar but a decently respectable 3.74, my science gpa is a little lower because Micro is so difficult - I made A’s in Physics and Chemistry at a community college, then a few A’s and mostly B’s but one C+ (in a 1 hour lab) in Biology coursework. I’ve been terrified of the MCAT because physics and chemistry were so far in the past, and I have no research/volunteer background. I just applied as a volunteer for a hospital close to me to get some experience. If they can take me on the weekends, then I’ll go with them, otherwise, I’ll keep looking.
The reason the dream has reared its ugly (or beautiful?) head again now is that most of this time I’ve been scared of the MCAT and not believed myself capable, mainly because I would have to reteach myself chemistry and physics. However, to be a science teacher in the state of Texas requires a difficult test combining physics, chemistry, biology, geology and astronomy. In order to take this exam, I had to reteach myself chemistry and physics anyway. When I took my teaching exam, I aced it, missing only four physics and two chemistry questions. This exam is not as difficult as the MCAT and doesn’t include organic chem, true, but the background is now there, and my MCAT prep books, which I purchased and left unopened in 2008, keep staring at me from my bookshelf, begging me to push a little harder, use my background and try again. If I did it for teaching, couldn’t I do it for medicine?
I’m scared to even tell anyone in my family or friend circle that I am considering trying again to be a doctor. In my head, I have a fantasy of being invited for med school interviews, many steps down the path, before I sit down with my fiance or my family and telling them… my medical dreams seem too vulnerable to confess to, and I wonder what my family, who has watched me give up on the dream repeatedly, would even think if I tried again. I don’t know whether I’m scared more of success or failure, but I don’t think that dream will ever go away unless I act on it.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin
Novaclairephillips,
I have felt the same way about the dream of pursuing medicine since losing focus towards the end of my undergraduate career the first time. I never could shake it, but in my youth, assumed someday it would happen. I spent some years tutoring and working at a homeless shelter. When I learned I would be having a son, I knew that I had to do more for him, and that I wanted to be able to honestly tell him to always follow his dreams. Less than a month after his birth, at 33 years old, I returned to school to complete my first degree and earn a second.
I submitted my application yesterday. If I don’t get in this cycle, I plan on pursuing an MPH as I reapply. I can say without a doubt, that I have given it my all in each step, and if I never even get an invite to interview, I won’t regret it at all.
I have had the fortune of very supportive families (my own, and in-laws), but my own fears and anxieties have really come to fore through the process. I think it’s natural to be afraid.
In my somewhat uneducated opinion, you sound like a wonderful candidate. I say go for it. It may seem like a silly dream, but sometimes the best ones are. If you’re really committed to it, you’ll find ways to work through all the difficulties and uncertainties along the way. Best of luck!