Need more jokes!

My good friend, after a lengthy remission, is going another round of breast cancer. The good news is that this is not a spread of the original cancer; more a case of breast rivalry (“Pay attention to me; I can make a tumor, too!”). We’ve been friends for 35 years, since we were little girls, and I have again assumed the delicate role of sarcastic clown cancer support service, since in time of trouble, what she most needs are laughs. (I know you were wondering why this was in the jokes forum).
Offensive, dark, and also silly gallows humor is her favorite. Examples: She joked that if her breasts were going to give her this much trouble, she should at least have had a rack. So I sent her a generous bra and a bag of pink balloons. Rack Kit. She wrote that she wants to try it on, but every time she tries, she giggles too much and can’t close the hooks.
So that’s the level we’re hitting here. Cancer humor. Bad jokes. Terrible jokes. PM me if they’re offensive so everybody doesn’t have to see them. I know you guys can come through for me!

My thoughts are with your friend and her great attitude. Sometimes gallows humor is all that will get a person through.

I totally relate to this form of humor. My family has a finely developed sense of it. When I took an emergency flight to see my dad for what we all thought would be the last time, as we gathered together we wondered if he’d have a good TV in his room so we could catch a movie this time.

She has a surgery date for next week. I’m sending her a nipple reconstruction kit with a yellow highlighter, a black Sharpie, and a manual with pictures of various sarcastic smileys in it. I’m pretty sure she’ll like it, because it feels a little too over-the-top to me.

Is there any way you can put a wet tshirt in there --maybe a barbie doll’s t shirt in a ziplock full of water–for the contests she can win after recon? A playboy mag so she can pick her new ones?

Hey, these are great! Keep 'em coming!

Why are “Tickle-Me-Elmo” dolls male?
Because before they leave the factory they all get test tickles.
(badump bump!)
Thank you very much! I’ll be here all week!

A man walks up a mountain and asks god some questions.
Man: God? How long does a million years feel like to you?
God: One second.
Man: Wow. And much is one million dollars worth to you?
God: Just 1 penny
Man: Whoa! Hey God?
God: Yes my son
Man: Can I have a penny?
God: sure, be back in a second.

Twenty Questions
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn’t work?
A Stick
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn’t Yours?
Nacho Cheese
9. What Do You Call Santa’s Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck
14. What’s The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers
17. Why Don’t Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag
20. Why Did Pilgrims’ Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)…
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
“Picabo, ICU”.
The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs.
He asked the farmer, "What’s up with these chickens?"
The farmer said “Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I’m going to be a millionaire.” The man asked him how they tasted. The farmer said, “Don’t know, haven’t caught one yet.”