new here...looking for advice on surviving med school w/4 kids

Hi! I’m a 35 yo finishing up my pre-req’s for med school. Academically, I’m fine. Undergrad GPA 3.8, post-bacc 4.0 so far with second semester o-chem, biochem, & physics left; figure I should be able to take MCAT next year. I’m pretty certain med schools will be convinced of my dedication to the medical profession (RN last 13 years, last 11 in ICU).


My concerns are more about once I’m in, how do I balance my drive to succeed academically and all of the demands of med school with my family’s needs? My husband is incredibly supportive of this goal of mine, but will have his own full-time career while I’m in school…and we have 4 wonderful kids (currently 8,10,11,13yo). We have a strong family, and I’m not willing to jeopardize that for anything.


I know this will not be just MY journey…it will impact all of them significantly. I’m not afraid of hard work, long hours, etc. I am afraid of the toll this could take on my family. How have you balanced these things? We have some practice with this (my husband recently graduated with a joint MBA/JD …aka law degree), but also know that med school has a reputation of being significantly more intense than even law school.


Annette

Annette…while I can’t completely relate yet, your story made me think about a woman’s blog/diary on a site called www.mommd.com… check out the blog/diary section and look for a username of ‘texasrose.’ She chronicles both her 4 years of medical school AND her residency in 2 different diaries, and her story is incredible. She may have some insight into your question, as her husband has a non-medical full time career as well, and her kids are about the same age as yours, I think.


Best of luck!

You will find a way. Pursuing a career in medicine is a huge sacrifice and it will take time away from your family. However, you already have this on your radar and you are already thinking about ways to continue to be a great parent.


Basically, if you have less time with your kids, then you need to make sure that the time you do have is of high quality. I haven’t seen any flowcharts explaining how to do this, but I’m betting you will figure it out.


I know some extremely busy doctors who are great parents and maintain strong families. It is a juggle, and a lot of the docs who mess up with their families probably didn’t care that much in the first place.

i am a father of 4, i posted something a while back do a search and you should find it

Thanks for the replies so far!


Carrieliz, thanks for the link to MomMD.com…texasrose’s diaries are indeed to the point and a close match for my situation with kids and husband.


Slater, thank you for the encouragement. It is appreciated.


Gabe, I’ve searched (several hours, actually) without finding the post you’re referring to. Is there any special keyword or trick to finding it without finding every single post with the word “kid” or “children” in it? Those posts also include every one with the phrase “no kids” or “without children” …it’s a lot to sort through. I’ve found other interesting things (the nurses/NPs going to med school because they wanted more knowledge and a broader scope of practice, for instance), but not the post you described. Do you know what time frame your last detailed post was in?


Again, thank you all for taking time out of your lives/schooling to help the rest of us as we begin to navigate these waters!


Annetet:



  • sevenwheels Said:
Thanks for the replies so far!

Carrieliz, thanks for the link to MomMD.com...texasrose's diaries are indeed to the point and a close match for my situation with kids and husband.

Slater, thank you for the encouragement. It is appreciated.

Gabe, I've searched (several hours, actually) without finding the post you're referring to. Is there any special keyword or trick to finding it without finding every single post with the word "kid" or "children" in it? Those posts also include every one with the phrase "no kids" or "without children" ...it's a lot to sort through. I've found other interesting things (the nurses/NPs going to med school because they wanted more knowledge and a broader scope of practice, for instance), but not the post you described. Do you know what time frame your last detailed post was in?

Again, thank you all for taking time out of your lives/schooling to help the rest of us as we begin to navigate these waters!

Annetet:



This was from more than a year ago. Since then I had a 4th daughter this past june.

"As a 3rd year medical student with 3 young children (8,5,3) I can tell you that going to medical school with young kids is not an easy prospect.

First of all, yes there are things that you are going to miss. However, ask yourself this: Would you have missed these events if you were working full time?

I have been treating my medical school career as a full time job. And just like a job I created a schedule that I duly keep. In my first 2 years I had classes all day every day. In my first year the hours were typically 9-5 and in my second year they were typically 8-3. I took this opportunity to drop my daughters off at school or at the bus stop and wait with them. At the bus stop, my eldest and I were able to chat and spent real quality time together. We would talk about her birthday party, her friends, what is going on, etc. My wife and I agreed that I would come right home from school so that we can enjoy dinner as a family.

Unless it was the week before exams, I would then do the bed time routine of baths, story, and tucking in. Once things calmed down I would then study again.

I would do my major studying from Sunday evening through Friday evening on Non exam weeks. That left the weekend for family time. Since we are Jewish we observe the Sabbath on Saturdays and this is pure family time. Saturday nights, I go out with my wife as long as I can get a sitter. Sunday mornings, my daughters like to play Diner where they are waitresses and I am the short order cook. Then we do a family outing and by the time we get back it is bed time for the girls and I study. During the week before exams, this all gets suspended. but the evening of the exam, there is no studying and I am with the family.

Now that I have entered my clinical years, I do not have as much book work that I have to do but I will be in the office or in the hospital. Again, treating it like a full time job. The only difference is that if I have the 11pm-7am shift I can see them before they go to bed and when they wake up. If you have to do overtime at work you make up for it later on. Same with the clinical years. If I have off on the weekend, then I do more quality stuff with my kids. It is all give and take.

If there is a family event, as long as it is not before an exam we will go. If I need to miss class for a special event at my daughter's school, I do. In my school we record the lectures on a system that records everything that happens on the computer. I then download it to my ipod and take my notes as if I were in class.

The whole thing is a give and take schedule game just as if you were working full time. In end, I was able to go to 90% of all of the special events and be involved in my family's life. you cannot study 24/7 because you will burn out and fast. The time away from the books with my kids and my wife are a good break.

In fact, my eldest is going to start accompanying me to the public library/coffee shop so that we can both do homework together. Another way to spend quality time.

Hard? Yes. Doable? Yes. Rewarding? No doubt."

Thank you for your reply…that was fast! BTW, how do you edit posts? I just realized that I managed to mispell my own name in my prior post…sheesh.


Annette

I recently went for a tour of our state’s medical school (arranged through my school’s Pre-med Society). The students that showed us around are first year. When I asked about older students in the current class, I was told that the oldest student is a 34-year-old single mother of four! I have to assume that she has quite a family support system, but I don’t know any of the details. Clearly it can be done!!