As I contemplate what I want to write on my personal statement, I have come up with a situation that helped motivate me toward going back to school. I wonder, however, if it is appropriate to include in my statement.
(Yes, I know, I should have the personal statement done already. After discussion with a couple of admissions people, I have decided to go ahead and apply for this year and hope for the best. If I don’t get accepted, I will not be horribly disappointed, and will try again next year.)
Anyways - back to the statement. While working as an EMT, I had two experiences that really made me think about becoming an ER doctor. In both cases, my partner and I picked up a patient from a local nursing home who was in severe CHF, probably had been for quite awhile, and the nursing home didn’t recognize it early enough. Both patients were, as we say, “circling the drain”, had DNR orders, and probably weren’t going to have a good outcome due to the length of time they had been in failure prior to going to the ER.
In the one situation, the ER doc (who would openly admit that he hated his job), basically said “she’s a DNR, I’m not touching her” and let the patient lay there and die. (He in fact, did NOT do anything for her). Pretty much, he let her drown and did nothing to help ease her suffering
In the other situation, the ER doc (who I always found to be wonderfully compassionate), looked at the patient and said “she’s probably not going to make it, but I will do everything I can to make her as comfortable as I can.” She stayed with the patient, helping the nurses get the IV’s, cath, and etc., and ordering meds to make the patient more comfortable.
So, my question is, would it be appropriate to include these stories in my statement? I know there’s no problem with including the one about the compassionate doc, but I wonder if it is okay to include the story about the doc who, I feel, didn’t do his job. How do adcoms view stories that are critical of MD’s?
These stories really are important in what helped me make my decision to go back to school. I get so angry when I see patients not being treated with dignity by the doctors and nurses in ER (this is not saying that it happens all the time). I think that no matter how big of a scumbag the patient happens to be, you still have an obligation to act professionally.
I welcome any comments/feed back.
Amy
I think this is a great pair of stories to tell. I think your question suggests that you’re having an instinct that there’s something not quite right about the way you’re telling the story–that it’s too critical, somehow doesn’t strike the right tone. I think that’s it’s probably a good idea to listen to that instinct. But that doesn’t mean you can’t tell the story.
One solution to the problem might be to brush by it: to tell the story of the bad doctor quickly, and in the midst of saying what you liked about the good one. I like the story because it illustrates a very mature idea: that your idea of medicine is one that encompasses an understanding of death and suffering, and not simply the idea of “saving lives.” For that reason, I think this is an elegant starting point for explaining what motivates you. However, remember that you also need to explain your own path.
I’ve had a number of people (most from here) read my PS, and they’ve all said that it’s a kick-ass PS. Personally, I feel good about it, too, so I’ll share how I approached mine and I think it will help you address the issue you’re posting about.
Everyone who’s applying to med school is going to have pretty much the same grades. Outside of the MCAT score, we’re all going to look pretty much the same. You can disregard the outliers–the people who made in the teens on the MCAT, and those who made 35+ on the MCAT. They’re statistical outliers, and you’re not really competing with them. Therefore, the only place you can really set yourself apart from the pack is with the personal statement. This is where you have to make the Adcoms want to meet you. To do this, you have to make your PS come alive and represent who you are.
First, and foremost, the PS should open with a kick-butt sentence. As an English instructor, I teach my students the differences between what I call “hard” and “soft” sentences. “Soft” sentences begin with dependent clauses (most sentences that begin with “when,” “as,” “where” and any other subordinating conjunction). I recommend starting with a “hard” sentence. The number of PS’s that are going to start with sentences like, “When I look back . . .” or “As I journey . . .” will become mind-numbing to adcoms. Start with something bold and original. You can’t go wrong with starting with some truth. Not necessarily a factual truth such as Mount Rushmore is in South Dakota, but a personal truth. Because I’m a liberal arts major, I went with something a little artsy-fartsy and talked about Robert Frost. But it worked with what I was trying to accomplish. But I think truth is always better than a safe intro.
Once you’ve got the killer sentence down, make the PS entertaining. I don’t mean to give the reader a bunch of jokes, but to make the writing entertaining. Let me see what makes you tick.
Write in your own voice. This is extremely important. Don’t try to stretch your vocabularly. Don’t write in a way that you think will make you sound more intelligent. My students try this all the time, and it comes off phoney. It sounds forced and unnatural. Be yourself. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t watch your grammar and such, but allow the natural cadence of your voice dictate your PS’s style.
Specifically, don’t bash the “bad” doctor because you never know when you might have an adcom who might agree with the “bad” doc’s actions. Also, an adcom might say, “Who are you to judge a physician’s treatment? You’re not a doctor.” Therefore, I suggest dropping the bad doctor bit, and concentrate on what valuable insight you gained from watching the “good” doc’s treatment of the dying woman.
My two cents. I hope I helped.
Could you maybe say something along the lines of “There have been situations where I have thought to myself that I would do things differently and this has helped motivate me toward becoming a doctor, but there have also been situations where someone has done something the exact way I would have and this has helped reinforce the kind of doctor I hope to and want to be. For example…” and then give the good story. That way you’re not bashing the first ER doc but just showing that there are things in the way some medical professionals act that you don’t agree with, without actually defining what they are. And then the good story shows an example of the kind of doctor you want to be…
Just thinking aloud here and nowhere near writing a PS yet so feel free to ignore me 
–Jessica, UCCS
Thanks for the replies so far. I welcome any other comments.
My experiences as an EMT are completely behind what motivated me to want to become a doctor. Narrowing it down to a specific “aha” instance is difficult, because there are many different moments that have influenced me. From the above story, to the transfer of an elderly patient dying of cancer (where all I could do is hold him and comfort him as he cried because he knew he was dying and was scared), to saving someone’s life on a scene who ends up with brain damage - and wondering if we really did the right thing by saving that person’s life - all of these have influenced my decision.
Above all, I have been driven by the desire to know more about what is happening to my patient and to be able to do more to help them. I initially thought about becoming a paramedic, and then quickly realized that I would still have that desire to do more and know more that could only be satisfied by becoming an MD.
My thoughts so far on an opening statement is something along the lines of “I never envisioned myself a doctor” . . .and going into how EMS influenced me in this direction.
Thanks again-
Amy