Very happy to have found this site!
A little (ok a lot) about me.
I’m a married 25 year-old mother of 2. I live in a rural area outside of Guelph, Ontario. I am going through what you can say is a ‘crisis’ situation.
I realized my dream to be a high risk OB when I was 17. I was pregnant with my daughter and was referred to a low risk clinic of a high risk OB in Mt Sinai (Toronto) . The doctors I met there were amazing. They truly loved what they did and it showed. At this time I was also doing a co-op placement at the hospital in the sonography dept. I loved it. The hospital environment really appealed to me. I felt at home.
Being 17 & pregnant I was the perfect candidate to be recruited by a high-controlling religious group. Naturally, I only wanted the best for my child and I felt that I found god. So I joined this religious movement. I broke up with my boyfriend as we had no plans on getting married and we were pretty much a train wreck.
Being in such a group, your dreams get flushed down the toilet. They believed that the world is going to end soon and the most important thong in this life is serving god. I believed it, I really did. Going to university was frowned upon as it showed that you are not really living your life to serve god but you are pursuing selfish goals. So being a good member I wrapped up high school after my daughter was born and took a year course in college to be a paralegal. I hated it and knew that it was not what I wanted. But being convinced that the world would end soon I did it, and looked at it as a sacrifice for god.
A year later I met a man in this group who would later become my husband. We got married 4 years ago. I have often talked about my desire to go back to school but he has never been supportive. We bought a house 2 years ago and shortly after I found out I was pregnant. This was a bad time as we just bought out first place and needed any extra income. But we were excited to have a baby together. This time I was a high risk pregnancy. I was once again around the environment which I loved and it rekindled my desire to be a doctor.
After I had the baby I became a stay-at-home-mom. Having some extra time I was able to examine some questions about my beliefs. I did not do so previously as I thought that maybe my faith was not strong enough. The more research I did the less sense this group made to me. What appalled me the most was the realization of how much control these people had over it’s members. They say jump we say how high. It is really scary.
The problem: all my friends and family belong to this group. I plan to leave it and when I do they (including my mother) will not be able to even speak to me. My husband is an active member and I had several conversations with him and he is convinced that it is the truth and the only way to god. He cannot divorce me if I leave but he will start looking for a way, I am sure. Actually divorce would not be so bad…but that’s another story. I started talking about my dreams to become a doctor to him and to my friends. They are all confused and don’t understand. Yesterday I had a conversation with my husband and it was probably the worst argument we ever had. He said that once a person has kids he ‘missed his bus’. He said ‘That’s it you cannot go back to school. You have children to raise. What dreams? Forget about your dreams.’ He went on and on about how I cannot go back to school and that he would not make any sacrifices for me and my ‘dreams’. It was awful and it was right in front of my kids.
I come from humble means and do not have any savings for school. my husband makes a decent living but we are in debt that never seems to go down, he is obsessed with renovating our home and that’s where all the money goes.
I won’t be able to go back to school until my son starts JK (3 more years) as we cannot afford day-care if there is no other income coming in. I will have to start from the ground up to become a doctor. None of my college credits count towards any university. And the program I would like to take before med school is quite hard on the family as it would require me to be away from home for the clinical part (bachelors of midwifery). I figure if I break up the goal into short-term goals it would be easier to attain. Right now it is to get the pre-reqs for the midwifery program.
I could probably go on and on…but that would just bore you to death LOL.
Just wondering if any of you here had to go through similar experiences. Is it possible with an un-supporting mate? What is it like to go to med school with kids?
I firmly believe that each and every person has the right to practice religion as they please. However, the relationship you describe has some (I say some, not all) real red flags for an abusive/controlling relationship.
There is a difference between being unsupportive, versus being abusive or controlling. I think you really must examine the situation you are in very closely.
As far as your relationship with God, rather than turn toward your church, I suggest you turn toward God himself and bypass the middleman/interpreter. Some thoughtful prayer, just you and the Almighty, and perhaps an answer will be more clear.
Just my thoughts, in the end, only you can sort out your path.
I want to agree with terevet’s suggestion. For myself, going back to school for medical school grew out of my personal prayer time and a belief that God gives us the desires of our hearts…in the sense that the desire are often an indication of what He wants us to do.
Having been a nursemidwife, I would say that in the US, having a degree in nurse-midwifery ( a master’s of science in nursing) is not probably the best preparation to be a high risk OB. It does get one into obstetrics, however! Not sure how a bachelor’s in midwifery differs. I do think that it makes sense to wait till your son is preschool age. My youngest was 5 when I started midwifery school.
I don’t know what resources there are in Canada. In the US, there are Pell grants to help with university education. Talking with the financial aid office at the university you are looking at might help identify what resources there are to assist you.
Were you planning on working, prior to going on to medical school? I do think that medical schools respect undergraduate health degrees more in applicants if they are accompanied by practical experience practicing one’s profession.
Those are my initial thoughts. Be encouraged!
Hi pink.magnolia. I sent you a PM - post if you didn’t get it and I’ll try again.