If you knew someone involved in domestic abuse situation, what would you do, esp. if there were children involved? Is it better to not get involved, turn a blind eye (the advice given to me by those very close to myself and the people in question), or DO something, like contact family services? I would hate to see a family split up, but I also hate the fact that two very beautiful young lives are caught in the middle of the parents’ constant ugliness towards one another, and as of late, it has spread to the children. Others in the family say, just stay out of it and avoid them. Would be easy to do if those kids were not in the picture. I love them, and it rips me apart to know that they’re hurting, and that the things they’re going through can impact their lives in the future in a negative way. What to do? Are they right, that I should just ignore it? I myself was married once to an abusive spouse, and got no support from family, friends. Fortunately, I got out before it got as bad as it has with these people I know. Neither will leave, they both want the kids, it’a just so heartbreaking. As a doctor someday, dealing with patients, I’d call soc. services. But these are family members. Maybe I"m sensitive to it bec. of my past experiences? Need advice!!!
| QUOTE (minawill @ Jun 27 2003, 12:35 AM) |
| If you knew someone involved in domestic abuse situation, what would you do, esp. if there were children involved? Is it better to not get involved, turn a blind eye (the advice given to me by those very close to myself and the people in question), or DO something, like contact family services? I would hate to see a family split up, but I also hate the fact that two very beautiful young lives are caught in the middle of the parents' constant ugliness towards one another, and as of late, it has spread to the children. Others in the family say, just stay out of it and avoid them. Would be easy to do if those kids were not in the picture. I love them, and it rips me apart to know that they're hurting, and that the things they're going through can impact their lives in the future in a negative way. What to do? Are they right, that I should just ignore it? I myself was married once to an abusive spouse, and got no support from family, friends. Fortunately, I got out before it got as bad as it has with these people I know. Neither will leave, they both want the kids, it'a just so heartbreaking. As a doctor someday, dealing with patients, I'd call soc. services. But these are family members. Maybe I"m sensitive to it bec. of my past experiences? Need advice!!!! |
Hi there,
I have to tell you that as a physician, I am bound by law to report any domestic abuse situation that I suspect involves children. You can notify Child Protective Services and relate that you suspect abuse and that there are children involved. Child Protective Services is required to investigate all complaints. This may be just the "wake up call" that the parents need to seek professional help. Lots of times parents do not realize how damaging it can be for children to witness their disagreements. The children do not understand why Mom and Dad are so angry and often feel that they (the children) are some how to blame for Mom and Dad's unhappiness. How would you feel if you were one of those children and someone could have helped you but didn't because they "Didn't want to get involved". Abuse is abuse and it does not have to be physical to leave lasting scars that never heal.
How would you feel if the situation got out of hand and resulted in the deaths of the children? There have been situations where one parent has taken the life of the spouse and children because of family problems. We can all remember the Phil Hartman case in California where the children were in the house when a spouse homicide/suicide took place.
This is a very bad situation that may be crying for help. What do your instincts tell you? Does this situation make the hair stand up on the back of your neck? Trust your instincts! They are there for a reason. Speak to a minister or couselor in your area for guidance as to what you can do to help this situation. To do nothing risks grave harm to innocent children who may end up scarred for life. You may be just the catalyst that gets the help that these children need.
Take care and I trust that you love these kids enough to do what will help them the most even if it is as simple as being a haven in the storm.
Natalie
Thanks for your very insightful response. Sending a PM…
Been there, done that (as a kid)! In my opinion, there is nothing that harms a human being like childhood abuse. It will affect these kids for the rest of their lives. When I was a kid no one took affirmative steps to help stop the abuse. Consequently, despite the fact that I live an outwardly successful life, I still battle the inner scars of my childhood. If you can do something, go for it. I think the only thing that saved me was one of my uncles. He was a pretty cool guy that would occassionally show me what a normal life could be. He tried to get me out of the house as much as he could. Kids are innocent, the abusive parent and the spouse that tolerates the abuse are not.
Cliffo!
Thanks for sharing your story! My hat goes off to you AND your uncle!!!
I am exceedingly happy that you are trying to protect these children. I have seen abusive parents ruin many lives. In my opinion, childhood abuse, and/or mental disease are significant causal factors present in the varied histories of most incarcerated individuals. Unfortunately, most governments ignore these issues and their resulting economic consequences.
Decades removed from my bad years, I still see those days in me. Here a few examples.
1) I have a subconscious tendency to attribute unwarranted meaning to interactions with older males that take a professional or scholastic interest in me or my work. (I guess part of me is still looking for a father).
2) At times, I exhibit a serious and unnatural lack of confidence. I lack faith in my abilities during the most spectacularly successful endeavors.
3) I have had problems forming emotional attachments to people. On some level I used to feel that I was unworthy or unloveable. Even today, I have good and bad days.
4) When choosing friends, I gravitate toward individuals that society tends to not value. (e.g…severly overweight individuals, the disabled, disenfranchised, etc…)
5) When I see or meet individuals that suffer from various maladies such as disabilities, mental disease, obesity etc… I tend to become emotionally involved in their plight. Subconsciously I feel the need to rescue or aid them. I guess seeing these people resurrects my own pain and suffering and I cannot stand to see others experience similar emotions.
6) I have a very sad side of me that never leaves.
Just some of the consequences of childhood trauma. Everyone, please do what you can to stop violence and abuse. Children are so fragile. Ultimately, they do not care about toys, a nice house, a car, vacations…etc… Parents, they just care about you and your love.
Docs, do not forget that your most powerful weapon against disease is love.
A few people turned my life around. You may be that person to somebody you don't even know.
Bill
( I do not mind sharing my story. I hope it helps a child.)