I find myself in a position that I never expected in my life. After spending my early adult life married and raising a family, I went back to school and applied to medical school. That is all going well to date, but now I find that I have become VERY CLOSE to another student at my school. We have known each other for awhile, are friends, but I find myself thinking about this person all of the time, having dreams, etc. It hasn’t distracted from my studies, but to be this age, and totally forgetting your train of thought at the mention of a name…I’ve never been like this. Has anyone else experienced this??
I think you are getting caught up in the tunnel that is medical school. First thing, if you value your family is to cease seeing this other person unless you like divorce. Eventually it will get you. I am not good at touchy feely, I just lay it out there. We work in a very stressful profession and it is a natural thing for a bond to be created when 2 people share a same track of interest within it. Just don’t do anything stupid. It could also lead to some problems professionally later on. THere is nothing good that can come of this.
I see your point of view, and since my son is small, I have to think about the best for him, but the situation is more complicated than being in medical school with this person. 
It’s actuallly not clear from your post whether you’re married, but you sound uncomfortable with the situation you’re in. If you want to tone this down, carefully construct a few other harmless but shiny distracting thoughts and deliberately turn to them whenever the romantic feeling comes over you. Spend as much time as possible with other friends, spreading out your socialization and getting support from a wide variety of people.
You’ll be fine.
Denise,
Thanks for your post and understanding. Yes, I am married, a poor situation before this. Of course this distracts me, from school, from the marriage, and from my focus. Thank you for saying “Yes, it happens to nice, grown up people” as I have been feeling like some sort of degenerate. I am around this person much less than before, and have so much to do and many people around me, but the feeling has grown rather than lessened, that is likely why you said I seemed uncomfortable. I never got tongue tied over my husband this way. It had even crossed my mind at one point to leave the school, but that isn’t realistic. Thanks again for your words and understanding. 
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I find myself in a position that I never expected in my life. After spending my early adult life married and raising a family, I went back to school and applied to medical school. That is all going well to date, but now I find that I have become VERY CLOSE to another student at my school. We have known each other for awhile, are friends, but I find myself thinking about this person all of the time, having dreams, etc. It hasn’t distracted from my studies, but to be this age, and totally forgetting your train of thought at the mention of a name…I’ve never been like this. Has anyone else experienced this??
Hi Lauren,
I had some extremely close relationships in medical school and I did find myself thinking a time or two,“What if?” Generally, I was spending more time with my study mates than with my fiance because of the nature of medical school.
When third year came along and we went about our separate journeys (we were in different rotation groups), I realized that it was the bond of being in a stressful situation and nothing more. Even today, with residency having ended for my classmates that are in non-surgical specialties, I am still close to my study mates and still with my fiance.
In short, recognize your feelings and let them be. What happens will happen and there is no shame in loving another human even it it turns out to be more of a sibling relationship than romantic. I am guessing that when you two are not in close proximity, your mind will be back on your work.
The other thing to do, when you get some time, is put some work into your marriage. Your life has changed so much in the past couple of years and your spouse has no way of catching up. It is up to you to make sure that you tend to this relationship as it needs or resolve things and move on. With my fiance, it was a matter of remembering all the great things that I love about this generous man.
Anyway, welcome to the group!
Natalie
Hi, I’m married and we are apart while I’m at med school in the Carib. I think it’s okay to have friends but you shouldn’t cross a line you would regret. Put some work in the marriage and if it doesn’t work out then things will be different but it will have nothing to do with meeting someone else. Divorce is bad for you and the children ( I know this is my second marriage). Also people change a little when a real relationship happens and they let you know who they really are. Just my 2 cents.
I want to thank everyone for their advice, especially the really good advice I got PM’d. Sometimes a situation can be seen from a different perspective just by airing it. I think this situation has become what is was because I’ve become so isolated in med school, constantly with my classmates, studying, socialising, and all. Thank you to all who responded without judgement.
Lauren
Lauren,
I’m late to reply, but I wanted to add some as well. I don’t know where you are now in your feelings, but I understand how it feels to be in a marriage that is not working for some reason. Just don’t let this man be your impetus for ending the marriage if need be. Make sure you have done whatever you can within the marriage, then if you honestly feel you have done all you can, it is your choice whether or not to end it. Since you’re in a foreign school, like I am, I know you are even more isolated than the average medical student, not only because you spend so much time with other medical students (and this man), but you are also isolated from everyone and everything you knew. Wow. That is a BIG propelling force to cause you to gravitate towards someone. You also didn’t mention if these feelings were known, shared, etc, so I will just say, if they are only known to you, then keep them if you like…a delicious fantasy never hurt anyone. Just don’t let it interfere with your school studies and your child. If it is acknowledged, shared and/or acted upon, then you have other decisions to make. Lying is hard for any period of time. You also wouldn’t want the issue to become a child custody issue. Like whuds, I have been married twice as well. Trading the current model in for a shiny new one doesn’t really change alot, trust me. All men (and women) have their faults, and guaranteed, that even with a happy relationship, within a few years, there will still be some annoying habits, or things about your partner that you absolutely can’t stand. I used to think the phrase “staying together for the sake of the children” was outdated and crazy, but being older now, and having children of my own to consider, I understand it totally. I wish you the best in you education and decision making, and if you ever need a sympathetic ear, you can always PM me.
Kathy