Hi, I’m still waiting on my local school, but I haven’t received an interview invite so I’m not that optimistic at this point in the cycle.
First, I’d like to tell you about my personal situation…I am a happily married (fairly newlywed) and my hubby works in a profession where he is limited in terms of where he can move…plus, he just moved and started in his current job a year ago - it would be a bad career move for him to move again - and then do so again with residency (if necessary), so ideally he really would need to stay put for the next few years. Also, I’d like to say that he has been so supportive of my career change all these years — and I do not want to jeopardize his career goals/plans for mine.
Here’s the situation, I’m looking at in terms of school - go to the local DO school, where I got a really bad vibe on the interview day. It really seemed like a doctor factory to me…and I’m not sure I really can subscribe to DO philosophy. No offense to DO - but I really didn’t see myself being happy at this particular DO school. Also, looking at the match lists, I’m not sure the post-graduate choices will allow me to consider my husband’s career in terms of location, so I may be setting myself up to be separated later.
Or go to the state MD school, which is about 3 hours away driving. My hubby would not move there - for the reasons stated above, it would hurt his career in the long-run. The school is very supportive and fostering with their students - tapes and posts all classes on the web, so if I do not have a lab or test perhaps I can duck out for a long weekend and get back to the hubby. Also, my hubby’s employer has an office in the city where the school is located but not his particular area - so he can’t transfer but perhaps can arrange to work out of that office to be near me from time to time. Also, I would probably try to get great grades and transfer to the local MD school after 1 or 2nd year…again, I know there is no guarantee, but it is an option. If not, I would just stick it out and try to arrange to have as many rotations in the local hospital whenever possible.
So I’ve seen some old posts where people in similar situation asked for advice…anybody done this successfully? This is my dream and my husband is so supportive, but I cherish my marriage above all else. We did a similar commute when we were dating and it was fine, bc I was studying and his job is pretty intense so he doesn’t get home until late during the week anyhow. Part of me feels that married couples shouldn’t be separated…but another part of me feels that we are married and this is precisely the time where we need to be committed to work it out and take a longer term view.
Also, a much smaller issue, is that the state MD school is about $10k cheaper per year than the local DO school. Also, we don’t have children yet…but I’d like to get started soon but that would have to be delayed if we are separated as it wouldn’t be a good idea to be in medical school and raising a baby without the hubby in the same city.
MD2B-
Tough situation. I hope you get into the local school, thus making life a lot simpler. But if you only get into the 3 hour commute school–maybe you can work things out to stay there Mon. thru Thurs. and spend Fri-Sat-Sun at home, using remote learning to keep up.
Of course it all depends on the two of you and how you both feel about it.
I know a couple married some 30 years or so where for the past 20 years he’s been commuting about 2 hours to teach at a university in a neighboring state (this is New England; states are close together). He just stayed over Mon-Thurs most weeks. Now it’s even more extreme; he’s teaching about 300 miles away so he flies down there every week for 3-4 days. Sounds like a tough schedule. My wife would not want this and I sure wouldn’t either, especially while our 2-year-old hasn’t graduated high school yet. But their kids are grown up and it works for them.
Best of luck,
Hi MD2B,
First I think you should go with your gut…if something just didn’t click with the DO school and you are having these feelings, you don’t want to find yourself years down the road when you are looking for residencies thinking “why did I do this when I had that bad vibe?”
Yes, it will be tough having to spend some time away from your hubby, but 3 hours away is definitely doable on weekends…use the time that you are not at home to do the brunt of your studying so that when you do go home on the weekends you can spend more quality time with your husband.
Being 42 now and 44 when I would start med school myself, I’m curious of how old you are…the reason being, if you are in your twenties…waiting a year or two to get into one of the schools closer, might be a good option. If however, you feel like me that time is of the essence, I would take the MD school three hours away.
I would personally opt for the MD school. You are going to be busy during the week regardless of where you go so time with SO will not be that much…you can always commute on the weekends and spend time with him. Three hours commute is not that bad.
- efex101 Said:
Aren't there two local schools? Or maybe I misunderstood the OP. A DO school where she interviewed but got "bad vibes", and an MD school that she's waiting on an interview invitation. Then there's the MD school 3 hrs away that she also hasn't gotten an interview yet. I would agree with you that she should go to the school where she's going to be happiest, and deal with the commute, possibly skipping Friday classes to spend a bit more time w/ the family.
Go to where you’ll be comfortable. There have been and are plenty of military people who are geographical bachelors. Their spouse will be in Maryland and they are stationed in North Carolina. They make it work so it can be done. It ain’t pretty but it works.
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Just a bit of clarification - there are three schools, however, at this point only two are realistic options:
1. Local MD school - WAITING - Have not received an interview invite yet. They will be offering interviews through May - there is still a chance, but not promising.
2. Local DO school - ACCEPTED - Got a really bad vibe there & it felt like a doctor factory to me. Not sure I can buy into OMM & other DO philosophy...although I am sure I can learn it and never use it again in practice, but it is unlikely I want to family medicine so I'm concerned about options. BUT I will be near hubby.
3. Commute to MD School 3 hours away - ACCEPTED - State school so it is cheaper than both the local DO and MD school...loved the vibe at the school - very supportive and fostering atmosphere....the city is a bit small town for my taste, but I will be studying so that is okay....however, that means that my hubby cannot really move there due to his career limitations.
Also, I'm 29. Technically, in my 20's but not really, this is my second time around applying. I actually applied and interviewed at the local MD school last year, but did not get in. SoI do not think it would be wise to turn down an acceptance for the slim hope that the local MD school would like me the 3rd time around.
OK, thanks for clarifying your situation. I can see where you have a rather agonizing choice to make. I want to make a couple of suggestions for your consideration.
First, osteopathic schools do not limit you to family practice or primary care in this day and age; people are matching into every specialty out of osteopathic school. Certainly, osteopathic schools by and large tend to graduate a lot of primary care docs, but we need to get this misconception laid to rest.
Second, I suggest you meet and have tea with a few current students and some graduates of the D.O. school, just to confirm your feelings about the school. If someone in admissions was brusk and the students were all preoccupied with an upcoming exam, you can get a negative impression that is perhaps not really indicative of the day to day experience there. You might want to do the same with the 3-hours-away MD school, just to get a deeper impression of both places. Perhaps they’ll let you sit in on a class. I love sitting in on classes and it has been very helpful in my own decisionmaking process.
Lastly–you’re going to be a physician, one way or the other–congratulations!! A year or two ago could you have imagined having this kind of choice to make?
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Hi Terry, First, I just wanted to say thanks for your responses. They are helpful.
Also, I just wanted to address my criticism of this particular DO school...I live in a state/region where there are NOT a lot of DO schools or residency programs...so I saw this DO schools match list and was concerned bc I saw that most of the students doing non-primary care ended up going to the mid-west and other regions of the country where there are more DO's and DO residency programs are more prevalent. However, only 2 people stayed in the state/region and those 2 did family practice, so again having to consider the hubby and his career goals in this process, I'm just concerned with the limitations I see.
Also, I wanted to clarify that I have no doubt that as a DO can you pretty much do anything an MD can - however, that DO grad will have to work that much harder than the MD grad. Meaning, I think if you excel in a DO program and get great board scores, you can probably score a respectable MD residency most anywhere in the country...but I should say that this scares me a bit bc I am the type of person who always does well in school - in the top of the class - but even in the easiest classes I never am the top studnet in the class, so I'm a bit nervous to shoulder that burden in medical school. Of course, I always aim to master the material and stand out at the top of the class, but I am rarely that gunner who leads the pack. It's just me...
- croooz Said:
Yes, I often think of these married couples/families who have their SO stationed in a war zone across the world...and I think I can do 3 hours with a few days learning from home with the online lectures.
I think it is obvious from my posts where I am leaning...I'm just nervous bc I am fairly newlywed and we are happy...and I would hate to do anything to jeopardize that. My husband and I have a strong marriage and a committed partnership...of course, we would both prefer to be together 7 days a week, but he is supportive...I'm just concerned bc things can changes and hindsight is 20/20 and I am nervous that I will look back one day and realize that the separation weakened the marriage. But then again, an unhappy individual (me) makes for an unhappy spouse...so I think if I end up going to the school where I don't feel comfortable (local DO school) and HATE it...that wouldn't be good for the marriage over the long haul.
Where are the folks who have actually lived through a family separation? I would love to hear from those who lived through it…although all anecdotes and opinions are welcome!
Oh! I thought you wanted those seperated for school purposes…
I was married on the 14th of the month and on the 27th of the month I was standing alone on the island of Okinawa for a year. I came back for 10 days during that year. In the 1st 4 years of marriage my wife and I were together for maybe 18 months or so. No more than 3 months together at a time. We hit 15 years this year. We’re talking about what if I have to go to the carib and other scenarios now just to see where we’re at on that.
Like I said it can work but it depends on you and your husband.
Go wherever you think you will be happiest and most successful. If it means going to the MD school w/ the commute, then do it. I was faced with a similar choice - go to the school I really loved two hours away from my husband (relocating was not an option for him) and come home on weekends, or go to the closer school where I was also accepted. My situation differed from yours in that I didn’t have a negative vibe about the school where I ended up. I ended up deciding that I didn’t love the first school that much more than the second school in order to justify living away from my husband. However, if I was in your situation, I think I would go for the state school with the commute, as long as your husband is supportive.
Make the most of your time away from your husband (study hard during the week, etc) so that you can afford to devote time to your husband when you are home. Take advantage of distance learning. You might want to see if you can contact some current students and find out what the schedule is “really” like. Find out how many days a week you will be required to be in class (small group sessions are a huge trend in medical school right now, and they are usually mandatory). See if the admissions office can put you in contact with someone who does clinical rotations and find out how likely it is that you can do a lot of your clinical rotations closer to home. Your school may let you do a lot of your rotations away, but you need to make sure that the places where you want to do your rotations routinely accepts students from your school.
Don’t count on being able to transfer. Transfers are extremely difficult in medical school. In many cases, due to differences in curriculum, a transfer after the first year requires that you repeat the year at your new school. There does seem to be a little more flexibility in transferring prior to 3rd year.
Good luck in your decision.
- iwant2bMD Said:
First, I'd like to tell you about my personal situation...I am a happily married (fairly newlywed) and my hubby works in a profession where he is limited in terms of where he can move...plus, he just moved and started in his current job a year ago - it would be a bad career move for him to move again - and then do so again with residency (if necessary), so ideally he really would need to stay put for the next few years. Also, I'd like to say that he has been so supportive of my career change all these years --- and I do not want to jeopardize his career goals/plans for mine.
Here's the situation, I'm looking at in terms of school - go to the local DO school, where I got a really bad vibe on the interview day. It really seemed like a doctor factory to me...and I'm not sure I really can subscribe to DO philosophy. No offense to DO - but I really didn't see myself being happy at this particular DO school. Also, looking at the match lists, I'm not sure the post-graduate choices will allow me to consider my husband's career in terms of location, so I may be setting myself up to be separated later.
Or go to the state MD school, which is about 3 hours away driving. My hubby would not move there - for the reasons stated above, it would hurt his career in the long-run. The school is very supportive and fostering with their students - tapes and posts all classes on the web, so if I do not have a lab or test perhaps I can duck out for a long weekend and get back to the hubby. Also, my hubby's employer has an office in the city where the school is located but not his particular area - so he can't transfer but perhaps can arrange to work out of that office to be near me from time to time. Also, I would probably try to get great grades and transfer to the local MD school after 1 or 2nd year....again, I know there is no guarantee, but it is an option. If not, I would just stick it out and try to arrange to have as many rotations in the local hospital whenever possible.
So I've seen some old posts where people in similar situation asked for advice...anybody done this successfully? This is my dream and my husband is so supportive, but I cherish my marriage above all else. We did a similar commute when we were dating and it was fine, bc I was studying and his job is pretty intense so he doesn't get home until late during the week anyhow. Part of me feels that married couples shouldn't be separated...but another part of me feels that we are married and this is precisely the time where we need to be committed to work it out and take a longer term view.
Also, a much smaller issue, is that the state MD school is about $10k cheaper per year than the local DO school. Also, we don't have children yet..but I'd like to get started soon but that would have to be delayed if we are separated as it wouldn't be a good idea to be in medical school and raising a baby without the hubby in the same city.
I do think this is tough but I have a question for you, in three years after when you are a MS III you will be looking at residency, what then? Will SO understand you may have to move for that?
I would do what you think is best for your school work. If you really want MD then go to the school 3 hours away, stay at a dorm there and see your Husband as much as you can, it may even help with studying since there is a lot to study. Yes I would not have children until residency that may be a lot better situation then school. ( I have no idea how old you are though)
My wife and I made this decision a year and half ago, we talk all the time but I have only seen her twice in a year and a half, I love her to death and she is devoted to me we miss each other all the time but 1.5 years is short and soon (April) we will be together again. SO it seems to me your situation is not that bad if you go to the MD school, in fact I think I would have choosen that since I could live at the school during the week and some weekends to have my space to study!
Anyway just my opinion Good Luck
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Well yes, we are aware of the fact that many people do relocate at least once in this med school process. That's partly a big reason he should move now. If he moves now to the MD school 3 hours away in a smaller city with a fewer opportunities, this will affect his job opportunities/career prospects in 4 years should we need to move for residency. Also, this partly the reason I am leaning towards the MD school over the DO school....Again, I know that there are DOs in every geographic area and specialty, but overall, I wasn't terribly impressed by the DO school's match list. Many people ended up in smaller towns and midwest...of course, that may simply be a reflection of the student body's supply and demand, but because we are thinking of two people's career, I'm trying to give us the best options possible when the time comes to move.
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Well, this is where it gets tricky. Obviously, I would not feel comfortable being on my own 5 days a week with a small child. So the babies might have to wait until a transfer comes through and/or the 4 year rotations when I have can arrange to have rotations in the my hubby's local area...but let's just say I am 30 - give or take - and I'd like to have more than 1-2 children so ideally I was hoping to get started before 35...I don't know. I guess I'm really going to have to give this some thought. I know waiting too long to have children might be too much of a risk.
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Yes, I hear stories like this and I definitely thinks it is do-able. I would make a real commitment to study hardcore during the week so that I can have the time to see the hubby during each weekend. It will be hard, but it can be done as evidenced by your much larger separation from your wife.
Ok since you are 30 you are still younger so this is just my thoughts. Start with the first child in the middle of year 2, Yeah I know but start to try like around Nov-Dec year 2 then you will behaving the Child after step one ( I hope) this is like the top of the hill for Medschool, you will be 32 there abouts and ready for the down hill of years 3 and 4.
IMO Medical school is tough the first 2 years.
Well just my take on it, and I’m a guy.
So good luck.
Well any childbearing advice first has to take into consideration whether the family is under one roof or two. I suppose there are people who’ve done it, but I just can’t see single-parenting a newborn in med school. You’d have to have a live-in support of SOME kind, whether it be an au pair, a friend, or your spouse. You don’t want to have the stress of knowing that you need to be starting rounds at 5am on surgery during third year, only to have the baby start running a fever at 3am.
I also would respectfully disagree with the idea of having a baby during MS-II. That will apply a LOT of stress and strain during the hardest year of med school, which is third year. Either well before (say, the summer between first and second years) or at the end of third year into fourth year – that timing seemed to work well for my classmates.
To the OP, if you and your husband are on the same wavelength about the size of your family, you need to put this consideration close to the top of your thinking about where you are going to live. It is absolutely possible to have kids during med school but it is NOT easy and I would think it would be close to impossible if you were still maintaining separate 3-hours-apart addresses.
It’s a lot to think about - good luck!
Mary