Okay, all. A few words of encouragement are needed. Cancer was very aggressive Stage IIA. Uterus was the size of a bowling ball. The cancer was well developed in the cervical region. 56% 5-year survival rate.
I want to hang on to the positive thoughts, and maybe after seeing the oncologist tomorrow I’ll feel better. But right now, I’m flailing a little.
Please, no sympathy. Just words of encouragement or jokes to make me laugh. I still intend to get through this and have time to be a physician. I’m just feeling a little down tonight. 
Linda
Well, crap, Linda. But you are going to find out a lot more about your own ability to live with this cancer for the long run as you continue to work with the doctors who’ll be guiding you in designing your treatment. Those tables with stages and survival rates are way too broad to want to apply to an individual (even though of course that is exactly what one does). As impossible as it may sound, can you try and “suspend thought” on this until you do more talking with your docs? You’re going to hear a lot more in the coming weeks and I hope a lot of it will be way more encouraging than that stark number.
Meanwhile, it just sucks and it’ll be hard to think about anything else for awhile… we’re with you, pulling for you, and I figure they’ll have to put a special category into those prediction tables to account for you and your very strong determination.
Lots of hugs to you
Mary
Hey Linda,
When we are 95 years old and sitting on your front porch down in Oklahoma chewing on our soggy graham crackers and telling jokes about Old Man Dave we will laugh our heads off and sip a bit out of my jug of moonshine. H-ll, I will probably use my scalpel to cut the end off my Cohiba (won’t have operated so I have to use it for something) and no one will come within ten feet of us old medicine broads! 
We will be a scary site, don’t you think? I am even learning how to swig.
Natalie 
Hi Linda -
I remember the day I was diagnosed with cancer at 19. At first, the pathology lab was unsure whether I had medullary or follicular thyroid cancer, and due to the size of my tumor (larger than a golf ball - in my neck), be prepared for the worst. Thankfully it turned out to be a follicular variety, barely contained in the capsule.
I made it through - radiation was a beeeaatch, but I still made it.
My father had the medullary variety that spread to his lymph nodes when he was 33. They told him to prepare for funeral arrangements within 9 months. I was 3. After 9 months, his goal was to see me graduate from Kindergarten. 2 months ago he walked me down the aisle at 29.
So, from me and my father’s examples above, I laugh in the face of cancer! Ha ha ha ha! In all seriousness, though, I have a good feeling about you, and I know you will make it. It might be hard, but you will make it, and we’ll all be here to lift you up.
Hey Linda,
Keep your chin up!! You’ll beat this thing for sure. I like Nat’s idea too! I’d offer to be the waiter/pool boy for you guys but I’ll be an old fogey too!! What do you think… want to see me serving you and Nat wearing a Speedo when I’m 80 years old!!! HAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAH!!! Wow, now THAT’S a BAD image!!! 
A bowling ball, hmm?
Well, picture this:
Linda, confident and cool, holds the bowling ball up in position, under her nose, as she studies the lane and pins in front of her. This is her most difficult competition yet, and so she had her slacks pressed with medium starch. She narrows her eyes and wiggles her toes inside her wonderfully stylish bowling shoes.
This means she’s ready.
She has pictured her move; step, step, plant while her arm gracefully extends backwards and swings forward releasing the bowling ball gently down the lane to strike the right pin on its right side. This will direct the pin into the other lone pin sitting quietly opposite the shoot.
She can do it. She’s faced difficult plays before. Her arm is a little tired from the games, her bowling ball seems larger and heavier, but she will win the same way she’s done many times before. With determination, fierce competitiveness, and her ability to look adversary in the eyes and, ever so elegantly, give it the middle finger.
She takes a steadying breath while an anxious crowd watches on. She closes her eyes for a beat. She can feel the eyes of the crowd on her back. Mentally, she blocks them out. She opens her eyes, visualizing the lane and pins in tunnel vision and begins. With laser guided accuracy, she releases the ball which sails down the lane. Two seasoned bowlers stand up in the crowd, completely awed.
“It’s going to hit it,” the man in overalls says. He claps his friend on the shoulder with a big grin. "By gosh, it’s going to hit it!"
The bowling ball strikes the right pin where Linda had intended. With a pop, it obediently jumps across the lane and strikes the left pin. With a bang, the bowling ball hits the back of the shoot. Two pins bobble and roll on their sides, defeated, and the crowd roars to its feet.
Still down on one knee, holding her release position, Linda fists her hand in a silent celebration. She stands and turns to see the crowd applauding her and smiles. She takes a bow and moves to her seat, unable to stop her own hands from a clap or two. She remains composed and humble, but tonight, Linda’s home will boom boogity music while she dances in celebration of her victory.
~~
We will dance with you, Linda 
Quote:
Hey Linda,
When we are 95 years old and sitting on your front porch down in Oklahoma chewing on our soggy graham crackers and telling jokes about Old Man Dave we will laugh our heads off and sip a bit out of my jug of moonshine. H-ll, I will probably use my scalpel to cut the end off my Cohiba (won’t have operated so I have to use it for something) and no one will come within ten feet of us old medicine broads!
Natalie
We all know that I am in ‘touch’ with my feminine side; so I will just have to join in the Old Medical Broad Society - LOVE good moonshine & Cuban cigar! Of course, being anatomically incorrect, I will have to be an adjunct member of the OMBS…maybe we should start a new organization?
As wise-Mary points out, those charts are for regurgitation on med school exams and do not apply well to individuals. I will not patronize you by telling you I know how you fell because I cannot know. However, I do know that you are one of the strongest, most determined people I know. I have utmost confidence in you.
Focusing elsewhere will prove to be a challenge, but if you must focus on something related to your cancer - remember how good the surgical findings were. Remember - negative washings & negative nodes. Those are very hopeful indicators.
Now for a joke - [WARNING - tacky, off-color, crude joke imminently following; may not be appropriate for the young or weak of heart, but damned funny after sufficient quantities of moonshine!]
There was this bear & a rabbit in the woods taking a dump.
The bear leans over to the rabbit & whispers, “Hey Rabbit, you have trouble with poop sticking to your fur?”
Rabbit says, “No”.
So the bear picks up the rabbit & does his paperwork…
Long stroy made short - we love ya & we’re here for you. Nuff said!
LINDA!!!
I’ve been thinking about you through all of this… I think Fate’s trying to tell you have to go into oncology!
I know how you feel, to a degree, and I KNOW you’re an incredibly strong woman…
The worst thing in the world is not to get a bad piece of news… but the time immediately after… the wondering, the obsessing, the crying… You’re entitled to all of that and more.
Now is especially the time to take care of yourself and let others help take care of you. And know that we’re all WITH you, supporting you in any way we can…
Stay strong my friend - I know you will… that way all of us will be able to sit on that front porch in Oklahoma.
Andrea
And I think my pity party has gone on long enough! I can’t believe I let myself get so down yesterday when I got the cold hard facts back.
But, I am me again now! And the he!! with the numbers, this game is mine to win or lose . . . . and I do not intend to lose it.
Thanks to all of you for your wonderful words and funny scenarios. I think my porch in Oklahoma will have to be a big one to hold all my friends that will be there rockin’ (and swiggin’ moonshine!) with me! And since I practically grew up with a bowling ball in my hands (my dad owned/managed a bowling alley), I think the challenge of an old 7-10 split will somehow be met!
Saw the oncologist today. He says that “yes, there is a chance of recurring malignancy”, but he also said that he has a feeling I won’t let that happen. And, by doing quarterly PAP exams and CT scans q 6 months, if something does recur, we will get it early and take care of it!
Love his attitude!
Go back in about a month to develop external radiation and brachythermy plan, and will begin treatment about one week after plan is developed.
For now, I’m going to relax and let my body heal!
Thanks again for all the great support. I love you all!
Linda
Hey Linda,
When we are 95 years old and sitting on your front porch down in Oklahoma chewing on our soggy graham crackers and telling jokes about Old Man Dave we will laugh our heads off and sip a bit out of my jug of moonshine. H-ll, I will probably use my scalpel to cut the end off my Cohiba (won’t have operated so I have to use it for something) and no one will come within ten feet of us old medicine broads! We will be a scary site, don’t you think? I am even learning how to swig.
Updated version: I forgot the "pool boy in Speedo"
Hey Linda,
When we are 95 years old and sitting on your front porch down in Oklahoma chewing on our soggy graham crackers and telling jokes about Old Man Dave (who keeps falling off the bench as Wendy keeps hitting him over the head with her purse,we will laugh our heads off and sip a bit out of my jug of moonshine as Geoff A. our 80-year-old pool boy in his Speedo saunters by and gives us a wink! H-ll, I will probably use my scalpel to cut the end off my Cohiba (won’t have operated so I have to use it for something) and no one will come within ten feet of us old medicine broads! We will be a scary site, don’t you think? I am even learning how to swig.
Natalie
Linda you will beat this and you are a great role model for all your patients! the staging is just something to toruture us medical students…he he…every individual is different and YOU will be different!
Hey Linda,
Ummm. Didn’t you win that nice old style medical bag last year. Are you going to put some good use to it or what??? You will obviously beat this thing and do some house calls.
As for the Moonshine, are you and Nat going to be rocking on your chairs with one tooth on top and the other on the bottom chewing on that one piece of grass with Dave the rest of the time???
Dave, aren’t you from Texas, you know how to make Bathtub gin don’t you??? 
And the pedicures. There have to be pedicures, don’t there? Porch, cigar, moonshine, old cabana boy in a Speedo, AND pedicures.
So we have a pool boy but we need a masseuse!
Mary
Where’s Terry???
Quote:
Where’s Terry???
Oh that’s right! Okay, no worries then! I am not sure I’m up for moonshine (yikes) but I betcha the cabana boy can keep the cooler stocked with ice and beer.
(visual image of poor Terry drafted to provide massages to 95 y/o women, trying not to gag as he kneads the wrinkled age-spotted flesh… hee hee)
Mary
Linda, I’m just catching up with events in OPM-land, and want to wish you the best in your recovery and in the future weeks and months.
As far as my membership in the gentleman’s auxiliary goes,
may I suggest a mojito?
Good luck, Linda–my thoughts are with you.
Warmly
Joe
Linda,
I am also late to see your news, being so close to midterms at the moment, but, I frankly refuse to believe that you have come this far and done so well, to be stopped by this. Just kick it in the a$$ like everything else you have done and PLEASE, invite me to your porch party. (Margharitas by the pitcherful for me 
) and I like the pool boy, pedicure, and masseuse ideas! Count me in!!
Linda,
Not much else can be added. I join in with everyone in saying that these things can be beaten - and you are one of those who will! A positive attitude does wonders to boost the immune system and will carry you through - and if you believe in imagery (as something which also boosts the immune system) well then imagine just pulverizing this thing into oblivion! You are in my thoughts - I am sure I’ll see you at the Porch Party dancing with drinks in hand and party hats on (or is it lampshades).
Take care and persevere,
Seth
Everytime I get back into reading the forums, I am utterly amazed at the support I have. From friends to people I have yet to meet (maybe I can meet some of you at this year’s conference!), you are all wonderful and mean more to me than you can imagine. On bad days, when I’m feeling down, I simply open up the forums and read the old and the new and then have to stop and remember just how lucky I am. How many people hear the word cancer and give up? How many people are alone or have no support group to encourage them through the tough times? And how did I become so lucky?! I am utterly amazed at the support I am constantly receiving from all of you here at OPM. I am sending a hug and a great big thank-you to all of you.
Update. . Staples out; J-P drain out; pain decreasing, but still there; extremely fatigued. Saw the radiation oncologist (really nice guy) and will be getting my tattoo on the 28th of the month; starting radiation the next week for a 5-week course.
Good news: Lost 10 pounds so far. Since I have little or no appetite right now, maybe I’ll lose a few more! (There’s always a silver lining to every storm cloud, right?!).
When I look back at the past 5 years, I see there were signs I should have taken notice of, but didn’t. Didn’t have time. Didn’t have any reason to think anything was wrong. Basically, didn’t want to admit that I could have cancer! I wish now that I had become aware of it earlier. Surgery and treatment would have been a little easier. But, since I ignored it and life goes on, I will simply deal with each problem as it comes up. And, if I’m really lucky, maybe no more problems will come up. At least for a while.
And, when it’s all said and done, I expect to see every one of you at my porch party!
Thanks again.
Linda