Hi everyone, I just got back from a wedding where there were a lot of family friends and people I’ve grown up with. Anyhow, everyone starting asking questions like if I’m home to stay…and I’ve made the announcement that actually no, I’m going back to school…and yes, they heard right…medical school. Everyone’s initial reaction was shock and disbelief. A. Because they’ve known that from the first instant where I could formulate a career goal, I was going to be a lawyer…and B. Because I’m finished law school and by all acounts, a successful lawyer and people would kill to be in my position. It’s funny…some people were so shocked, they didn’t even try to contain it in their face. After I explained, that I don’t like the practice of law at all and that through my exposure to medicine I realized it is my calling…they say, welll you’re still young…you only live once, do what makes you happy. And of course, I don’t need their reassurement for that…but I really HATE the way it is widely considered certifiably crazy to pursue medicine late in the game.
Congratulations for coming out to your family and friends! It does feel good to say it and remain reassured. However, you must know that some will hold you up to it (well, kinda) by making your progress THE topic of conversation. You know - the small talk - did “iwant2bMD” apply yet? Oh, aren’t the applications due now? etc… Just beware of that. Something tells me that you’re strong enough and ready to face anything (especially after law school, as a lawyer, and now as a pre-med). Best of luck to you! 
Thanks, PVD. I think the funniest thing or the hardest thing is that partly they don’t fully understand the process. After I tell them I’m going back to school, they come back later and say what medical school are you going to…after I’ve explained the whole entire point of the post-bacc program. Be like, oh sure, you’re young, you don’t have kids, etc…and then they’ll be like how many years - I’ll say 5 including the post-bacc, andd then they’ll be like "ooooh!"
I’ve already learned with my Dad that my quarter life crisis - medicine dreams - have become part of his ice-breaking conversations. You’d think he was very proud - and I’m sure on some level he is, but no more than if I had remained a lawyer…I think he really finds so out there…he somehow finds a way to weave into conversations with people who don’t even know me…he’ll come home and say I told this contractor about your story and he says if you like school so much why don’t you be a teacher…and on and on. At least, now I don’t have to reprimand him since it’s official and I am no longer in “thinking about it” mode.
I don’t feel sooo bad bc there was another lawyer there who graduated at the same time as me…she quit her job and is looking towards getting a master’s in fine arts and teaching art…which is an entirely different path in terms of intensity and duration…so I wasn’t alone. The only thing is that for all these people, I was the little outspoken girl who was going to be a great litigator. I grew up to a litigator (not great, but successful) who does not want to be a doctor. I suppose it’s surprising and hard to reconcile. Many of these people are immigrants and really were happy to provide for their family or women who stayed home to take care of their family - and do not entirely understand the concept of loving/enjoying what you do.
Congrats & welcome home from the closet! I want to emphasize that pursuing medicine will not preclude those normal things in life that most wish to pursue: children, homes, family, friends, marriage…Physicians, even though some may forget it, still put on their pants one leg at a time - just like everyone else in the world. Physicians are people & need/want to do all of the other people things too.
I have known many women physicians with children & life-partners (be that spouse or SO)…it is do-able. having been a practicing attorney, you already know about professionalism and the drive/dedication it will take to succeed in an academically rigorous program. Do not waste time trying to re-invent the wheel - just adapt the skill-set you have already evolved to become an attorney.
Again, welcome to our world. Most of us will agree that we have never undertaken anything so challenging or so rewarding as becoming a physician…except maybe becoming a parent?
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Hi Everyone, this weekend I had another function where I saw lots of old family friends. One person, the mother of one of my elementary school friends, I had seen at the wedding/function the week before introduced me to a friend (and her daughter in law) and told them of my plans. The daughter-in-law is a little older than me and is also a lawyer. While I was talking to the mother of my friend and the woman she introduced me to, I could hear her daughter in law talking to my friends. I could hear everything she was saying, but there was such negativity and bitterness in her voice. I overheard my friend telling her, “yes, she doesn’t like being a lawyer at all” and I could hear her responding “well, one thing is not to like being a lawyer, but now she wants to go to medical school.” The must understand that the tone of her voice was so bitter, almost wishing me failure. I don’t understand why a stranger would have such negativity and bitterness towards me and/or plans. What is it to her? I can only conclude that she is not happy with her position and it enrages her that someone else is actually doing something about it. I don’t know… maybe she takes offense to the fact that I don’t like her profession. But I’ll tell you that precisely this kind of negative/antagonistic person is part of the reason lawyers as a general rule are miserable. They are so used to be combative and adversarial in their position that they carry that condescending, negative attitude to their dealings with other attorneys and people in their life. I don’t expect people to understand, approve, or even jump on this train, but I wouldn’t expect such negativity from a girl I just met. I guess it also bothers me that I even care…Anyone else deal with this?
No, I’ve been lucky. Most people have been very supportive, with the exception of one employee who is doing her best to keep her skepticism to herself.
I do remember reading in one of Marty Seligman’s books (a psychologist who actually has ended up researching happiness) that the most successful attorneys tend to be very pessimistic people, and as a result it is difficult for them to be happy. It’s necessary in the profession because of the need to anticipate counterarguments and things that can go wrong, but it’s an unhappy world view. Perhaps that’s what you saw.
If it hadn’t been you, perhaps she would have been just as negative about something else.
Thanks for your response, Denise. I actually read some Marty’s work, but I didn’t really apply to this situation until you reminded me. When I first started questioning my career path, one of my law school professors (who I asked to write a letter for recommendation for the post-bacc) referred to his works. I think there is a lot of truth in what Marty says. I had observed this pessissism in the legal profession, but really didn’t concern myself with the why’s. Also, I figured that fighting everyone else’s fights, it gets to a point where you begin take those defense/prosecutorial tactics home with you. I’ve noticed since I entered law school, sometimes my poor boyfriend will get a cross examination. And I’ve noticed my friends from law school inevitably approach every argument or turmoil with the same approach as a legal argument. Very scary.
Well, this person sure doesn’t have very good manners! Talking about you when you’re within earshot is pretty uncouth. Especially at a social function.
Actually, I think there is a bright side to getting some negative feedback here and there. It means that what you’re doing is exciting! A little revolutionary even. Those are good things. Of course not everyone reacts positively.
If you rattle a few people who happen to be stuck in their ways or would never take a risk, I think that is good! The only way to ensure that no one ever reacts negatively is to make BORING decisions, which no one will react to, period. That would be no good!
Plus, it sounds like most of your family and friends are taking your new plans in stride. I bet as they get more used to it, they’ll become even more enthusiastic.
Dave, you’re right…this person was very rude. From her tone, I really felt that she was wishing me failure. I haven’t experienced that kind of reaction from the people closest to me who really are invested in me and my future…much less, from a stranger who does not know me from Eve.
Already, my family and closest friends (and even the extended network) have been great. A lot of people expressed some shock and rightfully questioned this seemingly dramatic shift in focus. I think talking it through, and even defending it, has only solidified and made me more secure in my decision. But this girl really got to me bc, unlike my family and friends, it didn’t seem like it was out of genuine concern, shock, or even curiousity - the level of negativity was just unnatural given that she has absolutely no attachment to me.
An interesting story is that I came upon another family friend who is lawyer (who I was avoiding) bc I thought she was going to try to convince me that I haven’t given law a chance, and maybe it’s just the firm, yadda, yadda. As I mentioned before, I think these questions were helpful the first 20 times, but now it’s a little redundant. Anyhow, I told her what I was doing and she did ask the standard questions - but have you given it a chance? is it the profession or your particular firm, practice, etc? Anyhow, I gave her all my answers and tried to explain my feelings. In the end, she said, you know what…you realized in 2 years what I realized just now in 8 years…the common practice of law is very empty. I also feel like there has to be more to it than this, but after 8 years, I can say that this is it. I’m not saying that all lawyers are dissatisfied and wil come to this point. But it’s just so ironic that I was avoiding her bc I was certain she’d try to sell the law practice, and in actuality, I sold her. The moral of the story is not that we should go around and try to make old premeds out of everyone, but just that wanting more and serving a higher purpose is not in and of itself unusual…it’s have the foresight and bravery to follow through with that plan at all costs that is unusual. I’m happy that I’m the oddball out at these parties, because I’d hate to fit in with complacency.
Dave, you’re right…this person was very rude. From her tone, I really felt that she was wishing me failure. I haven’t experienced that kind of reaction from the people closest to me who really are invested in me and my future…much less, from a stranger who does not know me from Eve.
Yes, my close family and friends (and even the extended network) have been great. A lot of people expressed some shock and rightfully questioned this seemingly dramatic shift in focus. I think talking it through, and even defending it, has only solidified and made me more secure in my decision. But this girl really got to me - bc I sensed such negativity from her and she doesn’t even know me.
An interesting story is that I came upon another family friend who is lawyer (who I was avoiding) bc I thought she was going to try to convince that I haven’t given law a chance, and maybe it’s just the firm, yadda, yadda. As I mentioned before, I think these questions were helpful the first 20 times, but now it’s a little redundant. Anyhow, I told her what I was doing and she did ask the standard questions - but have you given it a chance? is it the profession or your particular firm, practice, etc? Anyhow, I gave her all my answers and tried to explain my feelings. In the end, she said, you know what…you realized in 2 years what I realized just now in 8 years…the common practice of law is very empty. I also feel like there has to be more to it than this, but after 8 years, I can say that this is it. I’m not saying that all lawyers are dissatisfied and wil come to this point. But it’s just so ironic that I was avoiding her bc I was certain she’d try to sell the law practice, and in actuality, I sold her. The moral of the story is not that we should go around and try to make old premeds out of everyone, but just that wanting more and serving a higher purpose is not in and of itself unusual…it’s have the foresight and bravery to follow through with that plan at all costs that is unusual. I’m happy that I’m the oddball out at these parties, because I’d hate to fit in with complacency.
Quick little correction here–my name is actually Andrea, not “Dave,” even though it looks like it from my screen name. The screen name is based on an old address of mine, when I used to live in this really cool apartment on 2nd avenue.
Glad you aren’t feeling too bad about this stranger’s rude comments!