Dear Dogs...

Dear Dogs…
When I say move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anthing bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think that I will continue to sleep in the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob,or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit throgh the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is to kiss me, then go smell the other dog’s bu-t. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:
1. The dog lives here. You don’t
2. If you don’t want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my dogs better than I like most people.
4. To you he’s a dog. To me, he’s an adopted son who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.
5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don’t ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don’t hang out with drug-using friends, don’t smoke or drink, don’t worry about buying the latest fashions, don’t wear your clothes, don’t need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups!

This came from one of Steve’s media friends.
Natalie

Nat,
This is EXACTLY my sister’s attitude aobut her dogs!! She just got her new house built, and one of the bedrooms is the dog’s bedroom, complete with doggy door to the back yard. The floors are Pergo, better not to have dirty dog prints on carpet, and minimal furniture (because they chewed up the last set!) She keeps these FOUR large dogs in the house all day, where they follow her around the house. She feeds them off her plate with her fork, and her two deceased dogs hold places of honor in little wooden urns at the head of her bed!!!
Kathy

If a dog were the teacher you would learn stuff like:
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> When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
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> Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
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> Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
> When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience
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> Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.
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> Take naps.
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> Stretch before rising.
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> Run, romp, and play daily.
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> Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
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> Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
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> On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
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> On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
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> When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
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> No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and
> pout…run right back and make friends.
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> Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
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> Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
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> Be Loyal. Never pretend to be something you’re not.
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> If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
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> When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
My husband e mailed this to me. We have a 4 yr old yellow lab. Thought I would post it for all to enjoy.
Shirl

Quote:

3. I like my dogs better than I like most people.



Probably why you become a surgeon; you prefer your patients under general anesthesia
Sorry couldn’t resist