Doing my periodic check-in

I’ve only posted a couple of times so I’m sure most of you won’t remember me, but this is the one place around where people seem to understand where I’m coming from so I just feel like I need to share occasionally. I just finished my bachelor’s of science in nursing at University of Texas at Tyler a couple of weeks ago and have already started my critical care nursing residency at one of the local hospital’s ICU’s. Thanks to some luck on my part, UT Tyler only uses grades earned in house to calculate honors and since I managed a 4.0 through all four semesters of my nursing classes I got to graduate summa cum laude despite my dismal overall 3.3. (Yeah, I still feel a little guilty about that but I DID earn the A’s darnit.) I even got all A’s during the hellish last semester when I was taking 19 hours including Gen Chem 2 and its lab. I’ve had absolutely no social life, but I’ve loved testing my abilities and I reminded myself how much I miss math and science and how good I am at it. For our final in Gen Chem 2, our professor used the ACS standardized test covering both semesters of gen chem and I scored in the 99th percentile in the national ranking.


However, I’ve been spending so much time and effort trying to convince myself to go the CRNA route. It would be easier, financially smarter, and quicker. I’m sure it would be a challenging and rewarding career.


But it’s not what I’ve wanted to be since I was 7 years old and read the Elizabeth Blackwell book. No matter what I try to do to try to convince myself that I would be happy doing anything other than being a doctor it isn’t working. So I’m not rushing it. I’m going to take a year off because UT Tyler only offers first semesters in Fall and second semesters in Spring and I can’t afford to start this fall. But the fall after that I’m going to take two classes a semester which will have me taking the MCAT in 2010, but I have to do it.


I have to say though, and I’m sure everyone of you out there know this better than I, but this is a very discouraging process. It seems like for every person out there who is supportive, there are at least three or four who feel it is their job in life to convince you that you CAN NOT do this. At least everytime I’m feeling down I can come here to find people who understand the feeling that you will never be happy until you are practicing medicine. Thank you all just for being here.

Msjessegirl, I know 200% where you’re coming from. I had no end of detractors and still have a few. I have heard everything from, “Why do you want to do THAT? You’re married to a doctor already!” to “You (fill in the blank: are too old, have a chronic illness, have too many children, etc, etc, ad nauseum).” Not even my mother believed in me. Honestly, I think many people are negative because people like us are living our dreams and that makes them uncomfortable – what should THEY be doing or should have done about their own aspirations? I just quietly plug along with my classes and as people see me doing it and loving the whole insane business, they start to come around (or at least keep their comments to themselves). And a few of them have even decided to try new things and dream themselves.


You’re doing fantastic and exactly what you want to do – and ultimately only that has to be enough to keep you going!


Best wishes,


Michele

You’re exactly right, Michele. And I’ve watched this happen to other people trying to go to medical school too. Of course the “you’re married to a doctor already” one is new to me. That’s hilarious. Like you should be happy just living vicariously through your husband. Man…some people just don’t get it. I’m glad to hear you’re ignoring the naysayers. And thanks for the encouragment. Sometimes it’s just nice to hear that you’re not crazy for wanting to be in school and poor for the next twelve years. There are so few people who understand why you’d want to put yourself through this. And now my husband is thinking about going back to school. He’s got a bachelor’s in anthropology that he’s never really used and he’s always wanted to go into math or physics. Now he’s talking about doing a graduate program. We’re sitting around talking about how it might be feasible and the fact that we’ll probably be living frugally (to say the least) for the next decade or so but we’re both so happy and excited about the future I can’t even believe it. Today I got to assist with a central line placement and the doc was quizzing me on indications for central line placement and then what I thought the CVP might turn out to be with the heart rate and pressures the patient was having. He seemed a little surprised when I was able to answer correctly and it just seemed like another thing pointing me in this direction. I love to learn. I love to read. I love medicine. I want to be a doctor and I don’t care what it takes. Life is good.

Yes, indeed, life is good!


I think my favorite negative comment is “but you’re married to a doctor…”. I’ve always been tempted to say, "Gee, thanks, NOW you tell me, after I’ve just wasted two years in school to be one myself. One per household, I guess.


How wonderful that your husband is inspired himself to think about school! I think when you’re following your dream, the excitement is definitely contageous. Other people are often inspired to do something more themselves – my husband is thinking about that novel he’s always thought of writing.


And the coolest thing is, when you’re on the right path, things seem to fall into place or you see little signs (Like you and the central line) that reinforce the rightness of your actions, you know?


I’m so glad all is going well for you!


Michele

Thanks! I kind of had a feeling that other people on here could relate to having a significant other resume long-gone dreams or rethink future life plans. Suddenly anything seems possible. Although there is definitely the negative atmosphere from some people, for the most part, everything just seems to be right. Good luck, girl. I’m rooting for you.

I wanted to be a doctor since I read a book about Elizabeth Blackwell book too!!! Do you remember the name of it? I just barely remember the gist of it, since i read it about 26 years ago!

Yeah, actually I got on ebay and found a copy of it and bought it just as kind of motivation when I started to feel down. There were several copies listed when I looked.


It’s a little white book called “Elizabeth Blackwell: the first woman doctor.” There’s a picture of a woman (who looks absolutely nothing like the real Elizabeth Blackwell by the way, heh) in a purple dress with a stethoscope around her neck. It’s published by Troll Associates and written by Francene Sabin.


It’s very much a kid’s book, making it seem like she just decided to be a doctor and did it. It glosses over the real story which I looked into a little when I got older, but everytime I read through this little book, I can remember exactly how I felt when I was seven years old. It was really neat to hold a copy of it in my hands again.


But now I’m getting silly and sentimental so I’ll be quiet. (hee, hee). Cheers to all.


Jesse

Michele-


Correct me if I’m wrong, but when you see your husband going to work everyday doing what you’re dreaming of doing doesn’t it make you want it even more?? You’re right in saying that people don’t understand. If anything, I would think that the pressure that you are under is much worse than anything I am going through. If my girlfriend were in med school or already done, it would make me very jealous and envious. I guess that’s the way we are as humans- I am at least. We won’t admit it openly, but when others have misfortune or something doesn’t work out for them, we feel a sense of pleasure. I’m not saying that you feel this. but I think it’s the natural tendency of us as humans to feel jealous and that’s what we really are feeling inside when that other person makes it. It just eats you up inside and you want it more than ever then. I guess that could be a good motivator also. That’s what people are feeling when they know that you are going through with a dream that you had and they don’t have the guts to do it themselves. I take my hat off to everyone here who’s going through this journey and I hope that one day, maybe in a few years, we’ll be able to really see the fruits of our labor. I’m PUMPED!!!

Hey, Miller J!


I’ve been on vacation then ended up sick, so my apologies in not answering your good questions sooner. I hope that you are still interested in this conversation!


You sure are right on target about the jealousy issue – I was very jealous when he was in school seeing him do what I planned to do myself someday. I made the decision to wait to go to med school so that I could develop some wisdom, maturity and life experience first. (Maybe I have the life experience part now that I’m 42…)

Sorry, Miller J., I am having BAD computer trouble right now and will have to finish my post tomorrow!


So, so sorry…I know you’re dying to hear the rest!!


Michele

  • Michele Said:
Sorry, Miller J., I am having BAD computer trouble right now and will have to finish my post tomorrow!

So, so sorry......I know you're dying to hear the rest!!

Michele



Well, you could always do what I'm going to and buy a shotgun to dispatch your computer with? Although I have a laptop I'm using anyway which is why I can afford to shoot my desktop which I hate so much.

Honestly Jesse, if you have to convince yourself to go the CRNA route, obviously it's probably not what your heart's set on. We only live once; follow your dreams and damn the naysayers!

BUY a shotgun? I’m here in the Deep South – there is probably one in a car somewhere around here, here in the office, some at home I’m sure… Lotsa ways to do in this computer…


Anyway, back to the jealousy question: I followed my husband to class when I could sneak away from work, spent the night in the on-call room with him (when it was private), read parts of his textbooks. I was very, very supportive of him; I just wished it were my time to do it!


Now, I’m not very jealous. I work in the office with him and two other FP’s. I am treated like a little like a “jr. doc” which is awfully flattering. I don’t get jealous because I see the routine side of medicine so much now. But if we’re out somewhere, we see a patient who comes up to us and starts going on about how my husband saved his life and how grateful he is, etc. I feel extremely proud but maybe a little jealous, hoping that I can mean that much and help someone that much myself someday.


Michele

  • Michele Said:
BUY a shotgun? I'm here in the Deep South -- there is probably one in a car somewhere around here, here in the office, some at home I'm sure..... Lotsa ways to do in this computer...

Anyway, back to the jealousy question: I followed my husband to class when I could sneak away from work, spent the night in the on-call room with him (when it was private), read parts of his textbooks. I was very, very supportive of him; I just wished it were my time to do it!

Now, I'm not very jealous. I work in the office with him and two other FP's. I am treated like a little like a "jr. doc" which is awfully flattering. I don't get jealous because I see the routine side of medicine so much now. But if we're out somewhere, we see a patient who comes up to us and starts going on about how my husband saved his life and how grateful he is, etc. I feel extremely proud but maybe a little jealous, hoping that I can mean that much and help someone that much myself someday.

Michele



*snickers* Well, out here in California, it can be assumed that only the criminals have guns, thanks to our laws that encourage crime. ;P So out of curiosity, is that what you would do if ya did med, FP?

Hey, Tim!


Sorry it has taken a couple of days for me to answer – we were at my husband’s 25 yr. high school class reunion. (Be glad you’re not old enough for those yet! They sure are something here in the South! THERE’S a reason for the shotgun!


I plan to be a rheumatologist, having some experience with autoimmune disorders on several levels. I really want to help Native peoples so I’ll be doing a lot of primary care for that. I need to figure out how to combine that and rheumatology – the details get a little sketchy here… Anyone got any ideas???

After you get into your third and fourth years of medical school and have done several rotations, be sure that what you want is primary care. Then, if you think you want to develop into rheumatology, do a rheumatology rotation or two. As far as continuing with primary care while being a rheumatologist, I have seen it done many times. You will first complete your internal medicine residency, thus being a primary care physician, and then go on to a rheumatology fellowship. Being a rheumatologist certainly doesn’t preclude you from doing primary care, especially in rural situations where both are badly needed.

Thank you, Linda, for your answer. I am REALLY glad it would be possible to do both. I don’t really want to do primary care much at all, but realistically, if you’re rural like I want to be, there is probably not a huge demand for rheumatologists. Do you (or anyone) know what it is necessary to do to work with Native Americans? I am Native but was not raised in the reservation system and am not familiar with all the governmental programs and departments, etc. that that entails.