Dreaming..or ?? my sad little story..

Hello everyone. I first got involved w/ this forum about a year ago and some really nice people were guiding lights for me. THANK YOU…but I managed to screw my life up and need to get bac on track:
I moved BACK to the Boston area on 8/2004 and decided to take Gen Chem at Harvard Extension…what a mistake that turned out to be! I failed out miserably, had no support from my (now) ex-wife then began to doubt whether or not medicine was for me. I’ve spent the last year away from school, working FT and I now realize I’m being a quitter!
I turn 37 in October, have NO science courses (aside from my failed Gen Chem at HES) divorced, work a FT job, think I’m going crazy because my failed course. I was FINE in G CHEM until week 4 when we started titrations…then I went down in flames! I feel as if I could get past my initial fears and get moving things would be okay.
This entire post took a lot of guts for me since my 18 to 19 year old counterparts can do science w/o looking away from the X box! and I have to spend HOURS getting the basics.
If there is anyone (or even a group of you) out there who could tell me 1. I’m not going out of my mind, 2. I can succeed and get admitted to med school…I MIGHT stand a shot at this.

if you want it bad enough it is never out of reach. The only crazy person is the one who looks back 10 years from now and says: “I wish i had… I regret I didnt…”

Hi Robert… and welcome back. Sounds like you’ve had quite a rough year. Sorry to hear that things didn’t turn out as planned, academically and otherwise. However… it sounds as though you’re ready to get things back on track.
Did you actually receive an F for the course or did you withdraw before that point? Are you considering trying it again this semester? If so, here are a couple recommendations I’d have for you… 1) Get in touch with Logan or Gregg before class starts and ask for their advice; they really want to see their students succeed and I’m sure would be willing to give you guidance to figure out where you got lost and what you can do to “get it.” 2) Take advantage of all the opportunities to practice practice practice. Bug your TF (or someone else’s TF if yours isn’t helpful), go to the Sunday reviews, do the Logan Notes and the problem sets until that “aha!” moment kicks in. 3) Remember that you are only in competition with yourself. A few of your classmates, no matter the age, probably can do chemistry problems in their sleep, but there are the same number who are banging their head against a wall and a ton of people who fall somewhere in the middle. If you spend all your time comparing yourself to any group you’ll only be wasting your time and energy.
I do not think that you’re going out of your mind… it simply sounds like you have a goal and you want to give it another shot. I say go for it, just make sure that you go into it knowing what you have to do in order to succeed.

Arcidee, thanks for writing. I made the proper withdrawl, in hopes of saving my already low GPA at the extension school. I think I need more positive people in my life! It’s easy to give up when everyone around you is bringing you down, then throw in how much older you are than everyone else…recipie for giving up.
I’m glad I’m back on this website. Everyone here has been supportive. I can’t thank you all enough!

Surrounding yourself with supportive people – or at least avoiding the ones who want to bring you down – is definitely a must, whether in school or other aspects of your life. I find myself pretty much operating solo for my classes, mostly because I didn’t feel like playing the comparisons game. I remember telling one woman from my chem class that I was actually pre-nursing not pre-med and she gave me a rather condescending comment about joining her study group if I needed help (I had to smirk at that seeing as I had the highest grades in our section).
Please be sure to keep coming back to OPM… This is a great site for advice, support, cheerleading, etc. Best of luck to you!

Hi Robert and welcome to OPM.
Let me first say, take a step back. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and exhale. Now that you cleared your mind sit down and think about what YOU want to do.
I am sorry that you had such a rough year and I hope that you can mend yourself and be happy once again. But as mentioned earlier, the worse thing you can do is live with regret. If you want to go into medicine then do it.
Medicine is about do-ers not about those on the sidelines.
You have an idea of what you need to do. Make a battle plan and do it. There are many people on the board who have overcome their pasts to do what they love.
If we can be of any help, let us know. One thing that I love about this organization is the support that they give. Good luck with your decision. You are at a crossroads in your life, make the decision that you feel is right for you.
Gabe

Quote:

Hello everyone. I first got involved w/ this forum about a year ago and some really nice people were guiding lights for me. THANK YOU…but I managed to screw my life up and need to get bac on track:
I moved BACK to the Boston area on 8/2004 and decided to take Gen Chem at Harvard Extension…what a mistake that turned out to be! I failed out miserably, had no support from my (now) ex-wife then began to doubt whether or not medicine was for me. I’ve spent the last year away from school, working FT and I now realize I’m being a quitter!
I turn 37 in October, have NO science courses (aside from my failed Gen Chem at HES) divorced, work a FT job, think I’m going crazy because my failed course. I was FINE in G CHEM until week 4 when we started titrations…then I went down in flames! I feel as if I could get past my initial fears and get moving things would be okay.
This entire post took a lot of guts for me since my 18 to 19 year old counterparts can do science w/o looking away from the X box! and I have to spend HOURS getting the basics.
If there is anyone (or even a group of you) out there who could tell me 1. I’m not going out of my mind, 2. I can succeed and get admitted to med school…I MIGHT stand a shot at this.


Hi there,
You already know the bad news: you failed your General Chemistry course. Now for the good news: your distractions are overwith and you can start anew with taking another science course like General Biology before tackling the General Chemistry again.
Figure out where you had a weakness and make it a strength. Was your math weak? Did you not understand the concepts? Do some inventory and figure out what went wrong.
Do not compare yourself to anyone else. You have to run your own race and get things done at your own pace. You may want to stop labeling yourself with adjectives like “quitter” too. You went through some adversity and now you are on the other side. Use that adversity to make yourself more resiliant and get back on that horse. Put some new workds in your vocabulary like “overcome adversity” “strength of purpose”. If you read OldManDave’s story (do a search) you will find that he overcame a 1.0 GPA with a major in partying to successfully get through medical school and thrive in residency. You know that it can be done so figure out a way to do what you need.
Another good thing, you only have “damage control” from one course. You can get back on track and keep moving forward. I would strongly advise taking something a little more conceptual like General Biology and putting some success behind you.
Good luck!
Natalie

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I would strongly advise taking something a little more conceptual like General Biology and putting some success behind you.



That’s a great suggestion … when I re-started my education last year, that’s exactly what got me “re-motivated”. I took Anatomy/Physiology - GREAT class! Since it was so incredibly interesting, it allowed me to study with zeal - I just couldn’t get enough. I know this is not a pre-req, but what it did for my enthusiasm, incentive, purpose and motivation was invaluable. And, since I enjoyed it so much, I did well – which really improved my confidence. And I believe confidence is a very necessary requirement when returning to a class full of 18-20 yr-olds!!!
Good luck - choosing the right course/instructor can provide a great jump-start …

Hi Robert,
May I ask were you in the summer session? as the summer courses at HES are pretty fast paced. I will be attending HES this fall taking Chem. I and Phy. I. work kindda FT/PT at 30 hrs. Still trying to figure if I should take both courses together
Jupiter

Hi Robert,
I am a 49 year old RN. Have been reading this forum for a year but never felt comfortable posting. I couldn’t pass up your post however- I have felt many of the same things you mention.
I took G Chem at American U in Washington DC this summer. My first attempt at doing the pre-requisites. The first semester I was sure I had flunked, had my bags packed to head back home to Cali. Miracle of miracles, a strong lab grade and apparently a grading curve in my favor and I wound up with a B-.
I struggled the entire semester (a whole whopping five and a half weeks) feeling like I didn’t understand things the way I should. I spent all my time out of class on homework. Then I watched as those 20 year olds came into class and got A’s on the tests without doing any homework or stood in the hallway prior to class and did the lab assignment to hand in that day when I had spent hours on mine. (And it didn’t help when I went to the professor after I had gotten a 15% on a quiz and she pointed out that “since I was the oldest person in class of course it was more difficult for me”) Actually the professor was wonderful to me- she just didn’t realize how that comment would make me feel worse, not better! Somehow being the oldest person in class hadn’t bothered me but being the oldest and feeling like the dumbest did bother me!!!
Midway through second semester I did the same thing you did.
(had a different professor who was not going to curve grades and had a different lab instructor and was having more difficulty with the labs) When they started talking about knowing how to solve quadratic equations to work the problems in the chapter- I decided I was truly in over my head and withdrew. I took algebra 13 years ago and never took chemistry in college so my last chemistry class was in high school over 30 years ago.
I feel like a quitter some days but I keep reminding myself it was a “strategic withdrawal” not quitting! I stand a better chance of getting a good grade during the regular semester when I will have time to brush up on the algebra skills and find a tutor if I need extra help.
I will be starting at the community college in Cali next week vs doing the post bac in DC as I had planned. (long story relating to significant other needing emergency bypass surg). Am signed up for gen bio this fall and then next semester will pick up the aborted 2nd semester of g chem as well as finishing the bio year.
Don’t give up. Chemistry is a hard course for many people.
I just look at it like this is my chance to perfect my study technique prior to getting into medical school.
Best of luck.
Melanie

Melanie, if you even SURVIVED chemistry with your algebra that rusty you are one smart cookie. Get those math skills back up to snuff and you’ll be fine.
I always think it’s a good sign when something goes wrong but you stop to figure out what it was before you move on. Sure, it would be nicer to sail through on the first try but if you have the brains and drive and discipline to stop and fix the problems you have what it takes to impress me, for whatever that’s worth.

Hi Robert,
Don’t beat yourself up; you’re attempting to do something really hard. I’m in my 40s and have found the post-bacc courses extremely challenging after so many years away from school.
In addition to what others in this forum have recommended, I would suggest trying a more basic level course just to get your feet wet, e.g. at a junior or community college. There’s no shame in starting out slowly and carefully, as I really wish I had done.
Another useful activity that’s strongly encouraged by medical schools is to go volunteer once a week in a hospital, or as often as you are able. I have found that it has helped me to focus on my goals, keep my eye on the ball, however you might say it. Hospitals are pretty cool places and you can find get some valuable information on health careers by being in the thick of things. When I’m flagging, getting tired, and feeling discouraged, I think about the patients I every week at the MS clinic and somehow everything comes back into perspective.
Good luck and don’t give up!

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I feel like a quitter some days but I keep reminding myself it was a “strategic withdrawal” not quitting! I stand a better chance of getting a good grade during the regular semester when I will have time to brush up on the algebra skills and find a tutor if I need extra help.


Strategic Withdrawl. Well put! A good friend of mine who is working on her third biology related degree told me that I need to become a “grade ho” (pronounced hoe) now that I’m working to get into med school. I never even considered that before - all I wanted was to understand the material and do well. She tries to encourage me to find out as much as I can about the different professors before enrolling in any course. I guess she’s right - I’m not ready for more “weed out” classes like when I first entered college for my engineering curriculum … now the grades seem to count 10X more! So, I do my research and enroll in the classes that will BENEFIT me most (which often means a less helpful professor and more self-teaching required). Sigh…

I never dreamed that I would be a “grade ho” until I started my premed. Grades count for so much now. So much is at stake; so much is riding on them. I go to office hours religiously, incessantly ask questions, keep asking myself “why?” “what” and “how” for every chem and math problem I do (“how do i solve this?” “what is being asked in this problem” “why does this principle work?”), and nitpick about my mistakes. My rather blatant behavior has not gone unnoticed by my instructors nor peers. “You must be premed, right?”

Hi Robert,
I can definitely relate to the non supportive people in your life issue. The best thing you can do is avoid all of them, it is easy to find many unmotivated people who don’t want to look lazy by comparison I guess
I also had little science background (honestly NO science background) but I did have a degree in something totally unrelated and even part of a master’s. I ended up going back to a community college knowing that I didn’t have the math or science background and started out with a self paced algebra review. Then, except for chemistry which by some miracle i passed the placement test for I started out taking one extra course in biology and something called “conceptual physics” both of which I studied obsessively to make up for the lack of background. For me that’s been a pretty successful strategy. I also try to take the math after the one required for each subject since in my past life I rarely did anything where I so much as used a calculator. I was the classic underachiever in a lot of ways, I had a mother from old Europe who thought I should have 12 kids and limit my reading to pop psychology and romance novels and my ex husband totally agreed with her. Well now they’re both in Ohio and I’m here in California…guess I got the better end of the deal
Anyway don’t give up just regroup and plan your approach more throughly this time. I think half the battle in this quest is in the organizing, plan of attack, and problem solving along the way.
Good luck and don’t give up on anything you really want to do!

What an awesome post.
This is the reason im excited to read this forum everyday as not only do people here help new members, but they continually motivate me!

I am also new to this service. In fact, I just signed up today. I am a younger old premed (age 29), but old enough to know how you feel when you are sitting in class with some of the very young set. Personally, I don’t like most of the very young premeds because most of them have yet to grasp the concept of handling difficulty, which is much more than just making good grades. Don’t feel bad about the trouble you had in gen chem. The simple reason for it seeming so difficult is because it is - it’s supposed to be, otherwise everyone would ace it. You are showing a lot of courage and determination in following your dream. I was a police officer and SWAT operator for several years before hanging it up and going back to the classroom. Police work was tough, SWAT was gruelling, but organic chemistry, cell biology, and 2 semesters of Calculus was harder. It didn’t matter though, because I knew I could do it. I will graduate with a degree in Philosophy and a minor in biochemistry, and I take the MCAT in April 06. You will get there, and the sacrifice is worth it. Good hunting.

Robert,





I turned 36 this past April and started my M1 year this August. Also went through a divorce at end of my flying career just before starting my pre-med work. If that wasn’t enough, the woman that I was engaged to towards the end of my premed career and for whom I had put geographic limitations the schools to which I applied to called off the wedding. To top it off, I had a “C” in my first semester of Gen Chem when I was an undergrad (back when I was 18) and an “F” in the second semester. Other than that I took no science as an undergrad, yet ended up getting a 4.0 in my premed prerequisites.





What you need to do is approach this from a perspective that will set you up for success. By this I mean:





1. Put your personal life behind you. The good news is that a divorce, through the property settlement, has its own built in method of “getting over it” so to speak. If you need to move to start over with a clean slate, do so.





2. Chose your undergraduate college wisely. You’re probably better off going to a small school (less than 2000-3000 students total) where you can get to know professors by name and where they probably don’t have a pre-professional committee that doles out letters. Remember, this is your future, your money, and your effort that is working for its realization and you don’t want anyone besides yourself and the admissions committees at the schools you apply to trying to detour you from your goal.





3. In your application cycle, make sure that you apply to at least a few osteopathic medical schools. There is much truth to the rumor that DO schools are more welcoming to students over 30 than are MD schools so leave yourself some options. For instance, I’m estimating that perhaps as much as 10% of my incoming class is over the age of 30. At Brand X, the number is closer to 1% every year.





4. Shadow a doctor.





5. Do some volunteer work.





6. Take a prep course (Kaplan if you need help with test taking strategies, Princeton Review if you need help with the material) and get the Exam Crackers Audio Osmosis CDs and kick butt on the MCAT.





7. Be realistic. Is medical school doable? Sure. Is it one of the most difficult, if not the most difficult, academic endeavors on the planet? You better believe it. I’m putting in several times the hours into Biochemistry now that I was into Orgo as an undergrad. As an undergrad I was getting high A’s and acing tests. Here, I’m doing all I can do just for the 88% and 92% that I have. For perspective, in our first two tests in Biochem, the high grades were both 100%s. The lows were 48%, and 36% respectively. Passing is 70%, and there is no curve. Don’t let this discourage you, it’s certainly doable, but you must be committed to making it a reality for you.





Anyway…that’s my $0.02…





Good luck!

Your story is awesome. I was the same way when I was 18 and in college - I was immature, lazy, and had no concept of what it meant to be a dedicated student. I performed decently then, but I only did what it took to get by. When I started back at age 26, my first semester was 19 hours, comprise of gen chem and gen physics with labs, anatomy and physiology with lab, calculus I (which for some cruel reason had a lab), and art appreciation (required for a fine arts credit, and a great place to catch up on the rest I gave up for the other courses). I had a 4.0 average at the end of that semester. It makes me wonder how kids right out of high school can even make the decision to be a “pre-med” and fully understand what that actually entails. When people ask me if a pre-med, I just tell them that I am attending college to get an education - medical school is my goal, but my mission is learning and further sharpening my mind. You and I are kindred spirits in that we both come from career backgrounds that are complex, dynamic, and demanding in more ways than one. They will no doubt serve us well. Keep in touch, and good luck to you.