Hi…I’m making this post because I just spend this entire evening with well meaning friends who are trying to “save” me from making a big mistake. The ‘mistake’ being my intentions to start Pre-med this coming semester.
I’m 36 years old, with an undergrad degree in Psychology and an MBA. Since my friends have known me, I’ve pursued quite a few career avenues and have quickly lost interest or changed my direction because I found out those avenues were not for me. They tell me that they see a “pattern” of me being fickle with my career path and before I go putting myself into huge debt, for me to consider maybe being a pharmacist or something in the medical field that won’t take so long to complete.
They’ve tried every tactic under the sun tonight to talk me out of Pre-med…“doctors have to work long, demanding hours…they have no life…they have huge debt when they get out of med school…there will be age discrimination once I become a doctor at the age of 45 and I’ll have a difficult time finding employment…malpractice insurance is high and doctors are going out of business and have to go to other states to practice”…and the list went on and on.
I tried to make them understand that this is something that I have done extensive research on and have thought about for a while now. I am not jumping into it lightly. I have always wanted to be a doctor since I was a child, but life happened in a way that did not allow me an opportunity until now. As far as my “fickleness”, I wonder if they even stopped to consider that the reason why I changed directions so many times is that maybe I was a round peg trying to “fit” myself into square holes…maybe I’ve spent all of these years denying my destiny, when I’ve known all along what I should be, which is a doctor. I can’t seem to make them understand that, to me, being a doctor isn’t just another job I’m trying to pursue…it comes from deep down inside, like an ache, as if something is calling me.
How can I make my friends understand that this is something I feel like I have to do? I know they are trying to look out for my best interest and they are indeed very persuasive in there arguments. They have me questioning whether or not I’m being realistic in my pursuit.
Is there anyone out there who can give me some advice on how to stand up to friends and family that mean well but are trying to talk me out of Pre-Med?
Thanks,
A.T.
I am in a similar situation. I have people tell me to give up often. Just ignore them.
Only you know if you are serious enough to do it or not. If you are, then go for it. You are already ahead with your degrees. It won’t take that long to do the prereq’s and then the MCAT. After you take some science classes, you will have a better idea if you are cut out for it, and worse case scenario, you will have gained some knowledge which is never a bad thing.
Before I decided on medicine, I was like a bee, going from flower to flower and never settling on one for more than a year. First I wanted to be a marine biologist and study killer whales off the coast of British Columbia, then I wanted to be a writer and write Young Adult novels, then I wanted to be a Broadway singer, then an actress in Hollywood. The list goes on and on. When I decided I wanted to be a doctor, I was afraid it was just another one of my many interests and it wouldn’t last. But it felt different, I was more passionate about it, more willing to work hard. And here I am, three years later, I’m still passionate about medicine and I just got into med school.
My advice would be to ignore the comments from family and friends. Tell them you’re going to take some classes, and if at the end of that, you change your mind, at least you’ll have gotten some more education in. I told my doubters that even if I lost interest, at least I was finally going to finish my bachelor’s degree, so that helped a little. As you go along, share some of your enthusiam with them. I love entertaining my husband with random facts about the human body or some disease that I learn. They’ll come around eventually. And if they don’t, there are tons of people on this same career path who will be supportive friends. Don’t let them dissuade you. The only approval and permission you need is from yourself. Good luck!
Gina
I agree with Leia. You can’t become a doctor overnight, so tell them you will learn amny good things along the way. Also, debt is a fact of life when it comes to med school, but there are ways to help alleviate it. You could go into rural medicine and find a job that will help with tuition reimbursement. The jobs are out there!
I tend to have to agree with the other posters AT, it sounds like you’re exactly like me. I tried several things before I settled on this, including the Marines, Army Infantry, office management and claims processing. I think most of us like that simply have a dormant desire to pursue medicine, but until the means to do so open up that desire will remain dormant.
I’ve had virtually all my friends and family second guess my decision to go pre-med, and I’ve ignored them because their not even going to college themselves, so I fail to see how they can even give me an educated opinion since their not educated in the first place.
those who advise you to give up are referring to their own failed ambitions and dreams. Don’t let them kill your dream.
Think of it as a rite of passage. We all go through it. My father, a retired physician, told me I was crazy and “a dreamer” at first, but as he has watched me put my money where my mouth is, and actually take the courses, he has changed his opinion, and now is hoping I’ll end up in medical school, preferably near to him so he can see my daughter more often.
Your friends aren’t going to understand - that’s part of the fun! My friends and family think I am nuts! (So what if they’re correct). What you have to do is follow your heart. Medicine should be (in my opinion) a calling. For many it isn’t, which is why there are some crappy doctors. If one wants to earn lots of money, there are waaaaaaayyyyy easier paths to do so then medicine.
I am a 40-year-old father of 3 and minister. Prior to working full-time as a Pastor of a church, I was a businessman. I am in school full-time right now, knocking out my pre-reqs.
One of my advisors just completed his fellowship in cardiology at age 47. He faced the same obstacles we face - he was an engineer for Honeywell for 12 years; his parents went bonkers when he resigned. But his lovely wife and kids understood and now, they are thankful he didn’t give up on his dream. This life is about serving humanity and medicine is one of the best ways to do just that. There are lots of examples of persons who changed their careers mid-stream and made significant impacts in their community and to our world.
Continue to be kind to your friends, and pursue your dream. When you are announced as “Dr. X” at graduation, they’ll instantly be telling you how they were behind you the entire time. (Then you can leverage this knowledge into patient referrals).
Quote:I understand It’s so funny, Because I’m an RN many people told me to do it! They thought I would be done in less than 4 years including residency! LOL I kept telling people no, it doesn’t work that way, I have 4 years of med school then at least 3 years residency for an FP!
Hi…I’m making this post because I just spend this entire evening with well meaning friends who are trying to “save” me from making a big mistake. The ‘mistake’ being my intentions to start Pre-med this coming semester.
I’m 36 years old, with an undergrad degree in Psychology and an MBA. Since my friends have known me, I’ve pursued quite a few career avenues and have quickly lost interest or changed my direction because I found out those avenues were not for me. They tell me that they see a “pattern” of me being fickle with my career path and before I go putting myself into huge debt, for me to consider maybe being a pharmacist or something in the medical field that won’t take so long to complete.
They’ve tried every tactic under the sun tonight to talk me out of Pre-med…“doctors have to work long, demanding hours…they have no life…they have huge debt when they get out of med school…there will be age discrimination once I become a doctor at the age of 45 and I’ll have a difficult time finding employment…malpractice insurance is high and doctors are going out of business and have to go to other states to practice”…and the list went on and on.
I tried to make them understand that this is something that I have done extensive research on and have thought about for a while now. I am not jumping into it lightly. I have always wanted to be a doctor since I was a child, but life happened in a way that did not allow me an opportunity until now. As far as my “fickleness”, I wonder if they even stopped to consider that the reason why I changed directions so many times is that maybe I was a round peg trying to “fit” myself into square holes…maybe I’ve spent all of these years denying my destiny, when I’ve known all along what I should be, which is a doctor. I can’t seem to make them understand that, to me, being a doctor isn’t just another job I’m trying to pursue…it comes from deep down inside, like an ache, as if something is calling me.
How can I make my friends understand that this is something I feel like I have to do? I know they are trying to look out for my best interest and they are indeed very persuasive in there arguments. They have me questioning whether or not I’m being realistic in my pursuit.
Is there anyone out there who can give me some advice on how to stand up to friends and family that mean well but are trying to talk me out of Pre-Med?
Thanks,
A.T.
As far as age discrimination I think there is less in medicine. There is a BIG shortage of Docs in the US and I don’t see it getting better. You will be able to get a job if you do well. Do whats in your heart, what will make you complete don’t listen to what makes someone else complete. Being smart is treating yourself to what YOU WANT. In the end it’s ourselves we answer to
Good Luck
My friends didn’t really try to talk me out of it (but some professors did- said I was too old) but they didn’t take it seriously. They thought it was just another of my whims. (Actually, I didn’t have “whims”, I just wanted to learn about many different things.) Anyway, people started coming around when they saw that I was giving up many social activities to study. A great majority of my work pals are behind me (again, the age issue is a problem for some), since many of them have either been considering medicine or they had tried to get into med school out of college and couldn’t get in. Just curious, why did you spend the ENTIRE evening with these people?
One more thought, I have found as you grow you change the crowd you hang out with, maybe your “Friends” know this and don’t want you gone, but real friends don’t think that way, they love you and want you to do what makes you happy.
# Good Will Hunting (1997) … Will Hunting friend told him “if you really care about me you will go and do this” "one day I’ll come and knock on your door and your gone"
That was very unselfish!
Happy Holidays.
I agree with Whuds. When you change, your friends have to change. Literally and figuratively. It is sad to lose people to whom we are close. But change (and this is a big one) threatens people. They want those around them to stay as they are. When there is upheaval (good or bad) in our lives, is generally when we learn who our real friends are. They support you and are willing to “ride the wave.” Those who won’t or can’t support you have their own paths to follow. You move on, they move on. There’s a funny music video for the group Blind Melon for their song “No Rain.” The homely little girl wearing a bumble bee costume and everyone around her looks at her likes she’s nuts. Then she finds a group of oddball bumble bees and suddenly she’s amongst her group and fits in.
So from one homely bumble bee to another, best of luck to you on whatever path you choose to take. But you have to choose it.
Credit to Leia23 for planting the “bee” theme in my brain. 
I definitely understand the “are you crazy?” reaction to announcing the decision to go to med school. I tried to alleviate the shock some by addressing all doubts before I announced the final decision. I had a 20 minute precursory that illustrated how my entire life has been setting the stage for medicine. I’ll admit, some parts of my background are a bit of a stretch (i.e. graphic design), but I made it fit! Some friends still had an eyebrow raised at the end, but in general I had a good reception.
Funny, now I’m faced with a somewhat different problem, mostly with my immediate family. Their enthusiasm is just starting to become a little more than I can manage at the moment. I’m just now applying to post-bacc pre med programs and they are already referring to me as a doctor! I think they need to take a couple steps back!!
Yeah, that must be something some families love doing, bleh I hated that. Before I decided to do medicine, when I was waiting to ship out for the Army my mom would go around telling everyone I was in the Rangers even though I wasn’t even in basic yet and was just guaranteed the training, not being accepted, lol. Enthusiasm can be annoying if it’s not your own. 
Hi there,
I am currently 53 years old with several careers behind me. I started out as a musician (all woodwinds and some composing), then I was a speechwriter and press secretary for two govenors and a US Senator, then TV news producer, then college professor and now surgeon. I graduated from medical school at the age of 49 and turned 50 three weeks later. If you want fickle, I guess you can call me fickle since I have run the gambit of careers.
Age discrimination for practicing physicians? Well, I haven’t encountered any so far and I am in one of the most physically demanding specialties with plans to do a fellowship in Vascular Surgery when I am done with residency. So far, I am no more tired than my younger counterparts and far more prolific and productive. For example, I have more surgical cases than any of the other residents at my level on this service. I have more burn and pediatric cases than any of the other residents at my level on this service. I just get a blast out of operating and I am in the OR every chance that I can get.
If you have the interest and the energy to get through pre-medical coursework, medical school and residency, then you will be fine. My patients love having me as a physician and I complain less than my younger resident colleagues (I started residency under the old system when you could be in the hospital an unlimited number of hours).
Do what you love to do and it will not seem like work. This works for me. As long as I am in the OR, I am very happy. 
Natalie
Natalie,
Do you feel that your age and/or experiences gives you the edge to have more cases? I’m sure it’s a plus considering your problem solving skills .
Too many times non-trads try to compare themselves with their traditional counterparts and forget that experience is a great teacher. How you handle yourself in everyday life will probably dictate your reactions to your choice of specialty. With your experience in music, politics, education, etc. you have no doubt primed yourself to be a good physician and surgeon.
I didn’t know you were a musician - that’s really interesting. I can see why you were accepted into a great school! You should write an autobiography!!
OK, I’m not really trying to brown-nose here, but I get overjoyed when you divulge bits of information about your past that I can identify with (previous careers, hobbies). You are truly a becaon for me. Thanks.
I read your post very carefully. I have two things to tell you.
1. You are trying to start pre-med. Not medical school. Pre med. Pre-med does not give anyone a mountain of debt. Med school does. You are starting an INVESTIGATION of a commitment. Not a commitment itself.
There is no shame in leaving premed early, or finishing premed and deciding not to apply to med school. The information is so interesting; every adult could use a bit more knowledge of basic biology and chemistry and physics-- it’s the stuff that makes the world go round. I’ve been a little bummed because three of my four best pals in the postbacc program have elected not to go through with AMCAS and apply to med school. I guess I had the romantic notion we’d all be applying together, and eventually meet again as physicians. 
But not one of them has said she regrets premed itself and all of them are using it as a springboard to other new careers: physician assistantship, biology BS, etc, etc. Parenthetically, pre-med and pre-pharmacy are only trivially different. There is nothing in a quality pre-medical program that will harm you in applying to pharmacy school, and much that will help or even be required to apply to pharmacy school.
2. I agree with the other person who said that your friends may just not want you to change. You owe them one or two strikes of “It’s my decision and I’d really like to explore this avenue” before you move onto Strike Three: “This is my business, kindly butt the hell out.”
I think there have been a lot of good points made in this thread and Matt’s is especially apropos. Right now you’re floating an idea, trying it on, letting it stick to you for awhile and concluding that it feels right and you’d like to test-drive it for awhile. Sorry your friends can’t be more supportive. You are a long, long way from needing to worry about the long hours, the tough life, the mountain of debt. Sheesh.
And it’s always interesting to me that people who really have no idea of the world of medicine (as it sounds like your friends are not physicians) still think they know what it’s like. It IS hard, the hours ARE long, it IS demanding. But so are lots of other jobs in their own ways. My husband as an independent IT consultant is at work at 6:30am, home at 6:00pm, back on the computer and working for a few more hours in the evening. Lawyers trying to make partner are EXPECTED to work all weekend. Then, surprise, they make partner and they STILL have to put in the weekend hours. And so on and so on - every field can give you its examples.
But right now you’re just planning to take a pre-med course or two and see how it suits you. IMHO this is a great way to start (because that’s how I did it ) and while you’re dipping your toe in the water you can talk to more people who ARE in medicine about what it’s like.
Finally, a word about age discrimination. In my experience, and okay it’s limited to my OWN experience but still - medicine is much more of a meritocracy than a field concerned about age. If you can do the job, your age is of no importance, as Natalie has illustrated with her career. Now, you may encounter people who THINK that an “older person” can’t hack the call nights, the 80-hour weeks, the 14-hour days. (interestingly they are usually younger) But all you have to do to shut them up is do it. Preferably with a little shrug and a “was that supposed to be hard?” sort of attitude.
Doctors reminiscing about their training (especially intern year) will generally remember all the awful hours, all the scary stuff. For many it’s a pretty searing and intense experience. For some, it does seem to grow in their memories until it’s contributing to a sort of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder! They’ll be the ones to say, “I barely made it through and I was 26. How can you do it at 42?” Well, because the truth is that it’s just as hard at 26 as it is at 42. I honestly never felt like I suffered any worse than my younger colleagues from being up for 30 straight hours. We all hated it and were miserable, we all bitched and moaned at times, and we all sucked it up and went on. You can only have perspective about the age YOU are when you tackle something so don’t let these sorts of comments deter you.
Hmmmm this started out as a “What Matt said” but turned into a little more! Good luck to you.
Mary
You are not alone. I have three thoughts on this:
1. Your friends might be giving you the spiel that they give themselves regarding why they aren’t taking a risk to pursue their dreams. A while ago. I started running alot and signed up for a marathon. My dad and mom were skeptical. But, I kept running…and next thing you know my dad and mom are marathon training …then we’re all running marathons. So, keep after your dream and you may persuade your friends to pursue their own dreams.
2.In my work experience, I found that no matter what the job, I worked really hard not because I “had” to, but because I felt a responsibility to do my best. So, instead of killing myself to do a job that I didn’t have a passion for, I have decided to invest in myself and work toward a career that I am passionate about. What could be more rewarding than getting to do something that you love?
2. It is really hard to tell your dreams to others. My personal preference is to complete or perfect something before revealing it to others. But, I have come to the realization that other people have a lot to share with you. If you don’t tell people your dreams then they can’t help you achieve them.
Keep on keeping on
Best of luck to you,
Catherine
Quote:
1. Your friends might be giving you the spiel that they give themselves regarding why they aren’t taking a risk to pursue their dreams. A while ago. I started running alot and signed up for a marathon. My dad and mom were skeptical. But, I kept running…and next thing you know my dad and mom are marathon training …then we’re all running marathons. So, keep after your dream and you may persuade your friends to pursue their own dreams.
In this area, I got tired of being a slightly overweight weakling. So, about a year ago I started lifting weights (getting ready for when I get into med school and we have to do physical exams and OMT on each other; I mean, there will be girls in those classes too
). I am just now starting to see some results. It seems that many people don’t want to support someone in their thirties starting a new athletic program, like I’m so OOOOOLD. I guess as long as I take my Geritol first. 
Even my doctor gave me crap about this ambition. 
Of course, he is a very skinny weakling. 
I was so disappointed with his negative attitude (and a few other disturbing things he has said to me) that I fired him. I will only go to a doctor that supports my excercise goals.
Hey JK:
Your doctor can’t support you. He’s not strong enough to pick you up.