But I want to be able to say I know I can! I am struggling a bit with the vision. I am looking for a little kick in the ass.
I’m 31 and will be starting a MPH program in the fall. I have most of my premed courses done (a have done well in all of them). Though at the time I was planning a career in ecology. The decision to apply to medical school and be a doctor has nagged at me for a long time. The more research I do and experience I get the more I realize that it is what I want. I feel that I might have finally found what my gift to world is.
That said it scares the piss out of me. Not sure what it is that is scaring - failing, maybe, i.e. not getting in. I’ve never been a rockstar on standardized tests. 1080 on the GRE. Though I know I could study at a different level. See I do this everytime - I get into this rant and second guessing myself. I need the vision of seeing myself there in white coat, happy and confident. It’s foggy right now.
My plan (tentative) is to take the two semesters of organic starting in the fall (while working on the MPH) and then take the MCAT in the spring of '10. Finishing my last year of the MPH while at the same time applying to schools.
Looking for some encouragement
Now that you have said how you feel, ignore it and move on. You have no time or energy for self doubt. Thank your little voice in your head for sharing it’s concerns and make the decision to never listen to it again unless it’s being positive. You know it’s what you want, you know you can do it. In the end, there just aren’t enough of us here to cheer you on if you are going to allow those thoughts to creep in.
You can do it. I am your age and I also did my prerequisites while studying for a career in ecology (after that it was biochemistry but that is a long story).
It had a been a while since I have taken organic chem and I ended up retaking the two semesters of inorganic chemistry first. I am so glad that I did. Organic chemistry is a tough class to take as a first class if you haven’t taken chemistry in a while.
I am studying for the MCAT now too (after retaking a lot of the pre-med prerequisites) and I am also considering taking an MCAT prep class.
Good luck!
Don’t worry about failing. It is better to know you tried your best. I think the worst thing is not trying…
Now for a contrary opinion… I have found that fear and self doubt re facts of life in medicine unless you are too egotistical for your own good. True, you should not let them paralyze you, but instead use them to keep yourself honest and striving always to do better.
You will need to get handle on standard tests though – MCAT is just the first if you go ahead with this… you will have 3 levels of MLE and or Comlex beyond that… not to mention increasing dependence on standard tests for individual courses and shelf exams – how every you do it you will need to get comfortable with them