I have been a member here for quite some time BUT I haven’t been visiting lately. Here’s my dilemma; I am 35 years old and the mother of 10 children, I am Catholic and therefore “open to future children”, which translates into more babies very well be coming. My dh has ALS (either the very early stages, early remission, or he was misdiagnosed). I am the “bread winner” in the house. I am currently enrolled in a pre-med program, my GPA is 3.95…
My priest says to stop going to school and commit myself to my motherhood. I DON’T want tooooo! (Please envision me stomping my foot and crossing my arms) The rest of my pre-med program will be on scholarships… I shadow at our local hospital, I am a certified doula, as well as a lactation peer counselor.
Now that you have a little background, here is my question; in your opinion can someone with extreme drive overcome all obstacles in order to get what they want? Is med school a reality? What if I conceive during med school?
Am I wasting my families time as well as mine?
Thank you in advance…
Gwen
Boy, Gwen, it’s really hard to give good advice here. The fact that you have a 3.95 with 10 children and all of your other activities speaks volumes about your ability to manage your time.
The biggest factors in whether or not med school is for you is your family. Will your husband and children support you in this quest? How will you (and them) deal with it when you can’t be there for them very much, which will very much be the case during med 3 and during some of your residency. If your husband doesn’t support you in this, it will be impossible. Smaller factors will be how will you and your husband deal with the disapproval that you will face from your priest/people in your church? The fact that you mentioned that your priest thinks you should devote yourself to your motherhood tells me that this disapproval is important to you.
As for babies - well, it’s tough, but it can be done. We had a panel discussion during med 1 where the husband and wife were both doctors and she had five children during medical school and residency. I have had the pleasure of speaking with a couple of other women who had two babies during medical school. One just had her third during residency. I don’t think there is really any standard on how medical schools deal with pregnancies. One plus is that many medical schools offer note-taking services and/or make their lectures available on the web. My school offers an independent study pathway. A lot of it depends on your drive. I have heard stories of women taking exams while in labor or a day or two after delivering. I wasn’t quite that brave, although I did take an exam three weeks after my daughter was born (I was scheduled to take it the day she was born).
Are their medical schools in your area? If not, how does your husband and family feel about moving ?
Have you considered PA school? Obviously, it’s not the same as becoming a doctor, but it may be an acceptable compromise to all involved.
Just a few rambling thoughts . . . I hope some of it was helpful. 
Gwen,
I’m totally taken aback by your story.
I’d echo Emergency in that decision if med school is for you belongs to you and your family! You’re definitely qualified from an academic point of view - maintaining 3.95 with 10 children is amazing.
I’m also a catholic, and I know how hard it is to stand up for what you believe in, but at the same time I don’t think it’s allright for a priest to tell you that you should focus on your motherhood instead follow your dream. You can be successful in both…and one doesn’t have to exclude the other one. It’s up to you to find a way, and work out the logistics. If you have your family support and you have a calling to become a physician, you’ll be able to make it work…whether the priest likes it or not.
I’m definitelly not a well qualified person to tell you have ‘doable’ it is to have a child while in a medical school, b/c I never had one, but from what I heard people’ve been there and done that.
I know that it’s probably not a piece of advice you were looking for. I can only tell you what my thoughts are, and I truly believe that you shouldn’t dismiss your dreams only becasue your priests said so. You might use his input, but the final decision is up to you and your family.
Good luck, and I truly admire your determination.
Kasia
Hi Gwen,
I have no wife or girlfriend, and 0 children and for me to speak anywhere intelligently about your situation would be fooling myself to say the least.
What I am curious about though is, do your babies run on batteries? How do you get the time for a pre-med program and maintain a 3.95?
My goodness, you make me feel thoroughly incompetent.
- cancerdogs Said:
My priest says to stop going to school and commit myself to my motherhood. I DON'T want tooooo! (Please envision me stomping my foot and crossing my arms) The rest of my pre-med program will be on scholarships... I shadow at our local hospital, I am a certified doula, as well as a lactation peer counselor.
Now that you have a little background, here is my question; in your opinion can someone with extreme drive overcome all obstacles in order to get what they want? Is med school a reality? What if I conceive during med school?
Am I wasting my families time as well as mine?
Thank you in advance....
Gwen
Advice from a Priest............. well I understand but I feel the best advice is from your family on this, I would talk to your Husband and the Older children and tell them of the great things you want to do besides being a great Mother and great wife. One day you will stop having Babies (You would want to stop by around 40 anyway due to medical reasons you and the children) So the way I see it is by the time you would graduate from Medical school you would start a residency without pregnancy and with the wonderful children to occupy your time between work. I think its doable since you have gone to school and done so well.
Talk to your DH and the older kids and if they agree then you can do it.
Good Luck
Wow, that’s quite a story. How old are the oldest and youngest children? Their help and support is going to be an issue too, particularly if your husband really does have ALS (which I am sure I don’t need to tell you is a progressive disease). My biggest concern if I were in your place would be figuring out who will care for the children, especially if you unfortunately become widowed during medical school or residency. Even if the oldest kids are teenagers and would be willing to care for their younger siblings, it would be a huge challenge for all of you. What kind of family support (your parents, siblings, husband’s siblings, etc.) do you have?
People can and do have children in medical school. But again, it takes a lot of support, both from the administration and from their family; someone has to care for the child while you’re on rotations, studying, etc. One of my classmates just had a baby during our second year. Her mom moved in with her and her husband to care for the baby. Another student is currently pregnant, and I’m not sure what she and her husband are planning; I don’t know her as well.
So I guess my answer about the “realisticness” of your dream would depend on the actuality of the support you have. You should also consider how you will feel about missing many of your children’s milestones because of work and school. Whatever you decide to do, you’ve certainly earned my respect and admiration. Best of luck to you.
Holy… wow. OK I understand not using birth control for religious reasons but do you actually want more children? Aren’t you allowed to use like natural family planning, etc…?
I just know juggling my three is hard enough… I cannot imagine how you do it.
That said, don’t let any priest tell you what to do. You are obviously a superwoman and can probably do anything you set your mind to.
Thank you to all those that replied… We have made our final deision… I was just accepted int the pre-med program at U W Marathon/StevensPoint. My children have been accepted into a private school and we are selling almost all of our livestock…to lessen my work load. I start shadowing next week…for now it will be 1 night a week, until fall…then it will be for several hours daily.
I did take some time off school (6 weeks) to consider all the advise given… I just can’t let the dream go without an effort that is just!
Thanks again
gwen
My sincerest congratulations & I am humbled by your story & your accomplishments.
Ummm…WOW…and here I am drowning with ‘just’ five children.
Can I have some of your energy? LOL
Kris