I made the mistake of telling people my dream is to become a doctor. No one takes you seriously when you’re not there yet. My family is disappointed that I’m going back to school because they don’t think it’s really ever going to happen. I’m a 28 year old female and I’ve always been emotionally fragile and sensitive so my family is sighing at the concept that little Pauline, who’s always been so afraid of the world, could ever be a doctor. They say to me, “Doctors are confident and brilliant, and you’re so insecure and afraid of everything - you won’t be able to handle everything that comes with being a doctor.” And the two co-workers I told about dreaming of being a doctor said everyone dreams of being a doctor because of the prestige and that that was probably why I wanted to be a doctor. Gosh, the most surefire way of having people doubt you is to tell them that you want to be a doctor. I know now to keep these plans to myself. I guess for someone like me, quiet and overly nice and apologetic, it does seem funny to think I could ever compete with super confident, Type A personalities in medical school. Funny thing is, I’ve never been very competitive or cut-throat. I don’t aspire to be a neurosurgeon or plastic surgeon. I would be happy working at a free clinic as a family practitioner or pediatrician. But most people think I don’t have what it takes…I’m so glad for this message board, because otherwise no one would ever understand my desire to make something of myself.
Trust me I know the feeling. I think the rule of thumb for most pre-meds, since most don’t have the luxury of supportive friends/family (or at least a significant amount don’t), is to just say as little as possible about anything related to pre-med to your folks or friends. They won’t understand, so why bother trying.
SO true…shhh dont tell. people either think A-you think you are better than them or B- you are crazy and cant make it. Just prove them all wrong and laugh really hard at the nonbelivers in the most humble sense of the word.
- etc1007 Said:
I've known some very emotionally sensitive physicians who are very good at what they do. At some point they apparently learned to maintain a "professional affect" in order to get their jobs done, but this doesn't keep them from falling apart when they get home, or from having a good cry with a patient when the occasion merited it. Many people (at least the ones I know in EMS) harden fairly quickly, and often inappropriately. If this is truly what you want to do with your life, you will eventually learn to manage your emotions, and there are lots of professionals out there willing to help you with that. I don't know the current statistics, but rates of depression, chemical dependency, and suicide for med students (or was it for physicians?) used to be pretty high relative to the U.S. population in general. The consequences for not learning to deal appropriately with one's emotions as a medical professional can be damaging to your career, your family, and your own health. I don't think it is something to be overly stressed about, but it is a valid concern.
As for confidence and brilliance... confidence comes with training and experience, simple as that. I have known a few truly brilliant doctors, but I don't believe they are the norm. People study for long hours, and then train for long hours in order to earn the M.D. or D.O. behind their names. I am a firm believer that doctors are created, not born. Confidence that doesn't proceed from experience, education, or training is usually foolishness in disguise. Brilliance is an inborn quality that shines brighter when you polish it, but it certainly isn't a necessity to become a good physician, and I'm not saying it doesn't help quite a bit. I feel safe in saying that most physicians aren't necessarily "the sharpest scalpel on the tray" but they are very highly trained for the jobs that they do; that is why there are specialties. Modern medicine is such a huge world that no one person is likely to become an "expert" in more than one (maybe two) specialties, no matter how brilliant they are.
Let the haters hate, that's their choice. Becoming an MD is yours. Get your support where you can, but no one will push or pull you up that mountain... it is ultimately your climb!
Tim
I actually feel that telling people is a big step in your journey towards becoming the doctor you have always dreamed of.
When only you know, then if something goes wrong such as not doing well in a class or not taking the MCAT or whatever, only you will be disappointed. And since many of us have already disappointed ourselves by not doing well in undergrad then this is nothing to us.
However, once you put yourself out there and tell people that you are working towards becoming a doctor two things happen. First, you always get people asking how are your studies going. With this, you will feel that if you do not do well, you will not only let yourself down but you will have to tell other people who ask you how everything is going about the bad news. This leads to the second event.
By having people know and by having you know that they do not believe that you can do it, you will feel obligated to prove them wrong and thus work that much harder. That way you will not only have the satisfaction of obtaining your dream but also of proving them wrong. And maybe even having them apologize for doubting you.
See your family’s reaction as a challenge, a call to arms if you will. Prove them wrong. Succeed.
- etc1007 Said:
I think you've gotten some really good advice above about how to be a sensitive person and still be a doctor. Just like any other line of work, there are lots of different kinds of folks in the doctoring world.
I highlighted this last thing you said, though, because I have to ask: why is is that you think becoming a physician is the way to "make something of [your]self?" Because doctors don't have anything special to claim in that category. All of us are just doing our best, like those in any other line of work. It's a really cool job IF it is what you want to do, but accomplishing what a doctor accomplishes isn't going to make you feel better about yourself if it isn't the line of work that makes your eyes light up and your heart beat a little faster.
I LOVE being a doctor. But it is a tough job and people take me for granted, expect the impossible, and are difficult to work with. It's NOT the job for everyone, so make sure this is what you really want **because** it's what you really want to DO, and not what you want because it'll make you feel better about yourself. See the difference? it will mean a lot in this extremely demanding field.
Good luck!
Mary
Thank you for all the different comments. And Mary Renard, thank you for pointing out to me the flaw in my statement. It is true, I must detach myself from the belief that the ultimate profession in this world is to be a doctor. I admit that I come from a family in which the few doctors in my extended family we have are treated like royalty, but I had always hoped that I was above all that brainwashing. Perhaps the thought that doctors are more deserving of love has been ingrained in my head…how sad if this is true, if it is true that I believe it. Half the emotional turmoil lies in finding the right reason for wanting to be a doctor, because if I do this for the wrong reason, I will have sabatoged myself even before I started. My father and mother and siblings never made anything of themselves, and my father has always been bitter that we were never good enough to become doctors. That’s why when I tell him now I would like to be a doctor, he bitterly asks “Do you really think you’re good enough to be a doctor? You couldn’t do it before. None of my kids were good enough to be doctors.” Has anyone else come from a family where doctors were revered and the non-doctors were treated second-class? I feel embarrassed posting this here. I guess I always thought if I “made something of myself,” I could erase the past. But I know I have to make peace with my past before I can move forward with my future. As for my longing to become a doctor…I don’t know how to stop wanting that.
- Mary Renard Said:
You're looking at this from the other side of the fence. However society as a whole would disagree with you. I'm not sure about the OP but once I become a doctor it will be heralded as "poor hispanic boy from Miami fulfills lifelong dream of becoming doctor". It will be viewed and understood to mean I've "made it" and I've "become someone".
While not THE motivator for me it is one of the perks. It's mostly just perception but it's a perception I'd like to make available to family and loved ones. I have a cerebral understanding of how thankless it is and perhaps a bit more. As a corpsman I saved the life of a few people and the thanks I got was to be put on report and the other was to take a walk on the carpet (CAPT mast).
I guess my point is that becoming a doctor is making something out of yourself. While other professions and people can make that claim it's pretty accepted that a doctor is "someone special". For nontrads I notice that that doesn't seem to be the norm in thinking but it is a real illusion to the majority of people.
You will find that most people think you are crazy, because most people are afraid of failure, so they never try. As a 41 year old, who is applying the second time to med school, I have been told by everyone that I am crazy and wasting my time. Even the pre-professional committee at my university told me that despite the fact that I have a 4.0 gpa, and got a 26N on my first MCAT, that I am wasting my time wanting to be a doctor and 2 of them are practicing MDPhD’s. Even one of the physicians I shadowed tried to talk me out of shadowing him because I was “too old”.
What is even more maddening is that I leave tomorrow for Tibet where I will watch some MD’s begin a clinical trial that I DESIGNED!!!
People said that Winston Churchill was washed up and would never again amount to anything. They forgot that he was once 1st Lord of the Admiralty, Chancellor of the Exchequer and an MP. But his motto, even though he suffered from deep depression, was “Keep buggering on”.
Doctors are just people. (although far too many think they are better) But if you want to join their exclusive club, you have to play their subjective game by their rules. If you never try, you never will, and who knows what might happen if you try?
Yeah I posted on this before, I’m an RN for the last 19 years, when I came back to GA I thought I would pick up some home health on call just a few to supplement our money, HAHAHAHA I told the Nurse Manager I was a 3rd year Medstudent and she said “oh well I will keep you in mind we just hired all the part time we needed” The ad has run non stop for part time for the past 6 weeks, yeah I got the message…this is why it is better to work hard and just tell people the truth “You are in school” that is not a lie and keeps them at bay.
On last note…this is a small area and this is an agency and I will be practicing here Uh you think I will forget this crap…I will be professional but I have choices for the care of my patients in the end.
DRFP-
I’m an NP in the process of taking my prereqs for med school. I was wondering…as an RN, how are you finding Med School? During your med school interviews, were you questioned as to why you wanted to make the switch, and if so, what did you say? Any advice would be appreciated
Although it sounds as if your situation is/was more dire than mine, I was faced with a situation similar to yours during my childhood. My parents did not value education and flat out told me that I “was not college material”. Despite all of this, I went on to receive two bachelors degrees and a master’s degree. You must do what you feel you need to do. I’m sure that if I remained a nurse practitioner, I could live a perfectly happy life, and for many reasons, it would be a hell of a lot easier not to go to med school, but there is a driving force inside of me telling me to go. I understand your pain as well as your desire.
I realized early on that when it comes to sharing this with my family, I’m better off waiting until I’m actually accepted. I know that they are only concerned that once I get to retirement age, I’ll be prepared and be able to support myself. I’ve a couple of close friends that I have shared this with, but otherwise I keep this to myself.
Kris
- NP2MD Said:
I'm an NP in the process of taking my prereqs for med school. I was wondering....as an RN, how are you finding Med School? During your med school interviews, were you questioned as to why you wanted to make the switch, and if so, what did you say? Any advice would be appreciated
I have found my training to have helped, some in the deductive reasoning while studying for the tests and others in the Physical Diagnosis part.
I have a "Heads UP" not a wide knowledge base from Nursing. I think the years make a difference and when you have practiced as a Nurse for years they question the switch a lot less, but Coworkers were and as I posted have been ruthless as much as I hate to realize the truth does seem to be you are like a "Traitor" to other nurses, I had friends that told me they wanted me to do this before but I have come to the conclusion you do this for you and your family everyone else, well just doesn't matter that much and I believe they really do not care as much as they say and will stab you in the back in a heart beat! I'm not bitter and look forward to new friends but I chose to do clinicals and residency in a new area that way I'm Doc Bill not Nurse Bill.
Something to consider. Good Luck
- croooz Said:
While not THE motivator for me it is one of the perks. It's mostly just perception but it's a perception I'd like to make available to family and loved ones. I have a cerebral understanding of how thankless it is and perhaps a bit more. As a corpsman I saved the life of a few people and the thanks I got was to be put on report and the other was to take a walk on the carpet (CAPT mast).
I guess my point is that becoming a doctor is making something out of yourself. While other professions and people can make that claim it's pretty accepted that a doctor is "someone special". For nontrads I notice that that doesn't seem to be the norm in thinking but it is a real illusion to the majority of people.
Crooz I see what you are saying. I absolutely agree that from society's viewpoint, there IS something special about being a doctor. I am very proud of it and it does give me a charge. It has made me a more confident person who doesn't mind speaking my views on all sorts of things - not just medicine!
My point in raising this with the OP was that if you do not think much of yourself to begin with, going for an MD/DO as a way to bolster your sense of self-worth is a pretty tough way to go about it. You need to have an innate sense of your worth and goodness IMHO and not pursue external ways of creating that sense.
Mary
just back from vacation so dunno if I'm making sense yet....
I can relate to what you are talking about. I come from a long line of doctors. Most of my cousins that I grew up with our doctors. I ended up coming to the US and well things just didnt work out for me and although I always wanted to be an MD I chose to do something else. When I would go back home family would say" what happened I thought you were going to be a doctor?" It was very unpleasant. However, the funny thing is that when I was able to finally let go of my complex around the whole MD thing I became ready to actually do something about it. I was in a great place in terms of my career and no one expected anything from me ( being 36 and all) It was then that I realized my ambition to be a doctor again. Its almost as if I was supposed to do it at this age to begin with…I dont know. My immediate family is very supportive and tells me that if it doesnt work out I can always go back to my career.
( They werent always supportive)
I had to suck up many years of feeling bad about myself, which quite frankly now feels like wasted time.
Bottom line, you need to do it for yourself or you will be miserable. At least people that I know who did it to prove themselves worthy ended up crashing at some point.
- Mary Renard Said:
My point in raising this with the OP was that if you do not think much of yourself to begin with, going for an MD/DO as a way to bolster your sense of self-worth is a pretty tough way to go about it. You need to have an innate sense of your worth and goodness IMHO and not pursue external ways of creating that sense.
Mary
just back from vacation so dunno if I'm making sense yet....
Mary,
Makes perfect sense. Your post just proves a point I made a while ago.....a docs make millions and vacation all the time.
Yeah, baby! I’m checking my bank balance several times a day while on vacation and it just … um … uh … well actually I had better get to work before too much longer 
but first I gotta study for and pass the @#$@!! boreds, I mean boards.
Mary
- khanoom Said:
( They werent always supportive)
I had to suck up many years of feeling bad about myself, which quite frankly now feels like wasted time.
Bottom line, you need to do it for yourself or you will be miserable. At least people that I know who did it to prove themselves worthy ended up crashing at some point.
Khanoom,
Well said and good luck. I know how you feel.
Mu-afaq bahshee.
wow, reading your story felt like your were narrating mine. for awhile i was to have people ‘find out’ that i was pre-med, but now i see that it helped solidified it as part of my reality. there are going to be many more times we are judged as we follow this path- it’s a good stepping stone of confidence in who you are. my family stopped talking to me…for awhile, now my mom is coming around. it’s hard for people to accept it when you move out of the comfortable reliable role that you have played in their lives. My best friend growing up was the honors student, pre-vet, brain. I was the dumb fun one. Part of it is what holds true for all of us. I was in that peg that kept the balance. her and my other friends remained in theirs; confident in their identities, abilities and roles. We’ve all known that person that has done something out of the ordinary that made us uncomfortable - “but i thought she was…” U know? It’s difficult to realize that for us, it is super hard to make this decision and adjust our roles as well. I’ve just had another bad health spell, and my professors worked with me on it. At times i feel incapable, but then i realize how much more i have to trudge through just to be ‘eye level’ with the standard.
For yourself, just know like you know, like you know- what you are made of.