One more I go

Hi everyone.

I signed up for an online intermediate algebra class and a study skills class. I’ve also signed up with disability services at the school due to my bipolar and anxiety that cripples me every time I try school. Its really the anxiety, not the depression that cripples me when classes start. I have about 25000 in student loan debt from i think 6 ‘attempts’. I struggle through the first couple weeks and then panic and drop and of course AFTER tuition refund deadline. I gave up completely for over a year now. I did just fine 10 years ago in nursing school, never missed class, dean’s list, blah blah blah. I was on a LOT more medications then, only on 1 now on very low dose. I’ve always signed up for like 3 or 4 classes to ‘start’ with when I was out of school for so long, so I do overload myself out of excitement and it bites me in the back end. I love school and I have always been very good at it and it is so fun and makes me happy. I just have so many worries about ‘down the road’…I posted on this forum about my nursing license being suspended 2 years ago due to my bipolar and anxiety(I missed many many days of work and had multiple jobs on my resume) I had been placed in a health professions services program but since I couldnt keep a job due to my anxiety then I lost my health insurance and I couldn’t get my meds which were $1400 a month and then I wasn’t on meds and well you see how well that went…catch 22, so my license was suspended for 2 years. I never had an incident of patient injury or malpractice, I knew I wasn’t the safest on the nursing floor due to a very sad divorce I went through and the resulting depression. So I was fine with the suspension of my license. Since then I work for 2 group homes and have been steadily employed with both for 2 years and have not had any attendance issues and have been able to clear my head and rethink things and clean up my personal life(which was too much drama and stress). I am eligible to apply for my nursing license back in December and I am not sure if I will, I dont’ know yet. I know i would probably be stuck with a desk job for a year to see how I do and I don’t want that and I love taking care of my clients and the hands on stuff. I’ve read over on SDN(ow! don’t kick me!) about doctors having to hide their psych issues and pay for their meds out of pocket so as not to leave a ‘paper trail’ for the medical board to find. Stigma. Sucks. Anyway, I have been bipolar type II(mainly depression, with some hypomania but no full blown mania or psychosis) all my life and been treated since I was 14. I’m very aggressive with my treatment and know the importance of it. Every psychiatrist or therapist who I had has always been 100% supportive of my med school dreams and they know me very well, sometimes for years. So, here I am making a more ‘sane’ attempt at school and will just see how it goes. I know in a couple years I will max out my student loan eligibility, I am working to get my credit out of the dumpster because I will need to get private loans then. Starting a bankruptcy now due to medical debt when insurance maxed out with hospitalization for depression and cancer treatments(great time to run out!) and some previous stuff from divorce. Going to get a fresh start I hope. Sorry this is sooooo rambling, just woke up, still sleepy, and getting ready to go to work for the night. Anyone else experience something like mine? I know if I could just get past a couple weeks in class then I think I will be fine and get over the hump. Online class for this semester then will take classes at school of course for labs, but easy does it first. Thanks for listening! Meg

ohhh and if you have a similar situation or advice you don’t want to post then feel free to PM me, no problem! I will add my MSN and Yahoo messenger stuff to profile too and email addy.


I think that it is great that you are looking at other educational resources.

Depression and anxiety I know about…unfortunately, since it too has caused me much distress and has had an effect on my life’s choices.

I think it is also preferable to only take a class or two to get yourself into the spin of school. If intermediate algebra has been your albatross, then taking it with a less intensive load is the best route to take.

If medicine is your goal, take advantage of every resource you can and take care of yourself. If you can’t take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of anyone else.

Best of luck!

Thank you Kriss for your response. I appreciate it! I wish I knew other medical professionals in similar situations. It feels a bit lonely and I have to be very careful who I tell my story to, I’m not ashamed at all, but the stigma is horrible. So tired of telling people “It’s a MEDICAL illness, it’s not a personal defect.” sigh (Sorry, I am in a very bad mood this morning due to something that happened)



Your story really struck me. I just wanted to offer you some encouragement, and know this, You Will Succeed!! Just from reading your story, it shows how much drive and inner-strength you have. Don’t get discouraged. Best of luck to you.