Redneck medical definitions

Artery…The study of paintings.
Benign…What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria…Back door to cafeteria.
Barium…What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section…A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan…Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize…Made eye contact with her.
Colic…A sheep dog.
Coma…A punctuation mark.
D&C…Where Washington is.
Dilate…To live long.
Enema…Not a friend.
Fester…Quicker than someone else.
Fibula…A small lie.
Genital…Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series…World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail…What you hang your coat on.
Impotent…Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain…Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff…A Doctor's cane.
Morbid…A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates…Cheaper than day rates.
Node…I knew it.
Outpatient…A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear…A fatherhood test.
Pelvis…Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative…A letter carrier.
Recovery Room…Place to do upholstery.
Rectum…Darn near killed him.
Secretion…Hiding something
Seizure…Roman emperor.
Tablet…A small table.
Terminal Illness…Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor…More than one.
Urine…Opposite of you're out
Varicose…Near by

Hoo! Dat mod mah dayee!
Ahd du purnt dat un out un shar wit mah buds! laugh.gif

“redneck” is definitely a good humor theme. I’ve seen lots of 'em… here’s one I eckspeshully lak!
> Redneck Engineering test
> 1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon
> tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
> 2. Which of the following cars will rust out the
> quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? 66
> Ford Fairlane, 69 Chevrolet Chevelle, 64 Pontiac GTO.
> 3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a
> capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car
> radiators are necessary to condense the product?
> 4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700
> rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be
> harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in
> size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
> Budweisers will it take to cut the trees?
> 5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a
> charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the
> decrease in the ozone layer?
> 6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch
> centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8
> feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor
> is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses,
> how many hound dogs will be killed?
> 7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land
> in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5
> children. Can each of the children place a mobile home
> on the man’s land?
> 8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900
> yards
> down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The
> brakes fail. Given the average traffic on secondary
> roads, what are the chances that it will strike a
> vehicle that has a muffler?
> 9. A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2
> Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift.
> A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift.
> How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked
> during the shift?
> 10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of
> 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that
> has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a
> country-western singer?