I ran across the podcasts on Youtube and I am hoping someone here can give me a few pointers. I am wondering if anyone else relates to my story?
My sister was diagnosed with Leukemia when she was 3. I was 12. It was then that I realized I wanted to be a doctor. Through school I was always at the top of the class, but I became pregnant at 17 and the father left before my daughter was born. At 19, I got married to a man who ended up wanting me to settle for less than I was capable of. It was mentally abusive and I was scared no one would want me. My dreams faded for a few years and I lived in a state of constant anxiety and regret.
In 2017, I finally left for good and got the A.A. I had been working on for years. I watched my sister go through high school with dreams of being a doctor and she was accepted to USF and started the pre med track. I was mortified. She was 9 years younger and already so far ahead. I was living in a constant state of reaction and placed myself in a box. Since I thought online school was lonely and it was my only option as a single mother, I decided to join the police department. I could finally help people without student loans. My family hated loans and looked down on people who had them. I spent six months going through a rigorous interview cycle and on day three of training, I quit. I realized I was never going to succeed because I only wanted to help people - not arrest them. I was close but not there yet.
I went on to work with a non-profit crisis center for a few months but they cut my hours and my daughter (who is autistic) and myself lost insurance. I drew a line in the sand and decided I needed to get over the online school issues and just do it. I got my B.S. in Psychology through Liberty University in 2019 and completed two years of work in one. I applied to 72 jobs. Nothing. I was embarrassed and felt like a failure.
This year with COVID, I was stuck at home with my daughter, so I decided to begin my M.A. in Visual Communications. I always thought I was bad at Science and Math because I was told I just “wasn’t gifted” in those areas. I was always an artist and designer-type. So even though it brought no meaning, I went along with it because my family has been “waiting for Megan to get it together”. I am 28. My daughter is 10. I live in a home my parents own and don’t pay rent.
Over the years, I have fallen into a depression for days after doctor’s appointments and procedures. I myself had brain surgery in 2011 and it was then that I got my CNA. I always had the dream but was discouraged by the time it would take and my family judging me for not getting a “real job” to fully support my daughter.
Not long ago, I called my mom and cried to her. I told her that I am so tired of watching my sister live her dreams and feeling useless. I had gotten a job interview for a marketing position and thought it would make me happy. I put myself in more debt with this M.A. and I have one set of classes left BUT I am miserable. I will graduate in 8 weeks. IT MADE ME DEPRESSED to get interviews!
I asked my mom, “Is this all there is?!?! There has to be more!”. I had just returned from a doctor’s appointment when I made the call. I figured out that seeing doctors made that spark ignite and the regret I felt signaled a mini depression episode. I wept to her but enough was enough. My mom was hesitant, but told me to go for it. She said to take night classes and do whatever I had to. In that moment, I realized that it WAS possible. I always assumed the only way was the traditional way so I researched for hours. There is a med school coming to the area soon and by the time I finish my pre-reqs and MCAT, it will be right in my back yard.
This is when I stumbled upon your podcast, I finally saw I had a chance. The light switch turned on. I cannot sleep because I am so excited!
The med school I am looking at has no actual pre-requisite requirements, but they do need me to take science classes and the MCAT. I will have a M.A. in December, however, I will be very unhappy doing it. I hope it won’t hurt me? At least maybe it will look good somewhere? I do not want to pursue a design career, even though it would be more lucrative than my plans of working at the hospital as a CNA. I would rather make nothing and be happy / preparing for med school than make good money and hate each day. I refuse to look back in ten years and regret my decisions.
Current stats - 4.0 in high school, B.S. and so far in M.A.
I had a 3.4 for my A.A. alone.
Any advice or words of encouragement are appreciated. I have one heck of a story, I just need to drown out the haters at this point and keep my focus. Thanks for reading all of this!