I ran across the podcasts on Youtube and I am hoping someone here can give me a few pointers. I am wondering if anyone else relates to my story?
My sister was diagnosed with Leukemia when she was 3. I was 12. It was then that I realized I wanted to be a doctor. Through school I was always at the top of the class, but I became pregnant at 17 and the father left before my daughter was born. At 19, I got married to a man who ended up wanting me to settle for less than I was capable of. It was mentally abusive and I was scared no one would want me. My dreams faded for a few years and I lived in a state of constant anxiety and regret.
In 2017, I finally left for good and got the A.A. I had been working on for years. I watched my sister go through high school with dreams of being a doctor and she was accepted to USF and started the pre med track. I was mortified. She was 9 years younger and already so far ahead. I was living in a constant state of reaction and placed myself in a box. Since I thought online school was lonely and it was my only option as a single mother, I decided to join the police department. I could finally help people without student loans. My family hated loans and looked down on people who had them. I spent six months going through a rigorous interview cycle and on day three of training, I quit. I realized I was never going to succeed because I only wanted to help people - not arrest them. I was close but not there yet.
I went on to work with a non-profit crisis center for a few months but they cut my hours and my daughter (who is autistic) and myself lost insurance. I drew a line in the sand and decided I needed to get over the online school issues and just do it. I got my B.S. in Psychology through Liberty University in 2019 and completed two years of work in one. I applied to 72 jobs. Nothing. I was embarrassed and felt like a failure.
This year with COVID, I was stuck at home with my daughter, so I decided to begin my M.A. in Visual Communications. I always thought I was bad at Science and Math because I was told I just “wasn’t gifted” in those areas. I was always an artist and designer-type. So even though it brought no meaning, I went along with it because my family has been “waiting for Megan to get it together”. I am 28. My daughter is 10. I live in a home my parents own and don’t pay rent.
Over the years, I have fallen into a depression for days after doctor’s appointments and procedures. I myself had brain surgery in 2011 and it was then that I got my CNA. I always had the dream but was discouraged by the time it would take and my family judging me for not getting a “real job” to fully support my daughter.
Not long ago, I called my mom and cried to her. I told her that I am so tired of watching my sister live her dreams and feeling useless. I had gotten a job interview for a marketing position and thought it would make me happy. I put myself in more debt with this M.A. and I have one set of classes left BUT I am miserable. I will graduate in 8 weeks. IT MADE ME DEPRESSED to get interviews!
I asked my mom, “Is this all there is?!?! There has to be more!”. I had just returned from a doctor’s appointment when I made the call. I figured out that seeing doctors made that spark ignite and the regret I felt signaled a mini depression episode. I wept to her but enough was enough. My mom was hesitant, but told me to go for it. She said to take night classes and do whatever I had to. In that moment, I realized that it WAS possible. I always assumed the only way was the traditional way so I researched for hours. There is a med school coming to the area soon and by the time I finish my pre-reqs and MCAT, it will be right in my back yard.
This is when I stumbled upon your podcast, I finally saw I had a chance. The light switch turned on. I cannot sleep because I am so excited!
PLANS:
The med school I am looking at has no actual pre-requisite requirements, but they do need me to take science classes and the MCAT. I will have a M.A. in December, however, I will be very unhappy doing it. I hope it won’t hurt me? At least maybe it will look good somewhere? I do not want to pursue a design career, even though it would be more lucrative than my plans of working at the hospital as a CNA. I would rather make nothing and be happy / preparing for med school than make good money and hate each day. I refuse to look back in ten years and regret my decisions.
Current stats - 4.0 in high school, B.S. and so far in M.A.
I had a 3.4 for my A.A. alone.
Any advice or words of encouragement are appreciated. I have one heck of a story, I just need to drown out the haters at this point and keep my focus. Thanks for reading all of this!
It is good to be reminded of that from time to time. It is easy to sit and judge ourselves and think that we are “not where we are supposed to be” but if you turn that thought around and think of it as a glass half full, you could say “I am exactly where I am supposed to be” ! “I can do this, I will do this”