So,
My confession, I am a fifty year old family man. I for the most part I put away the tools of my trade some years ago and set my sights on going to medical school. How I came to this decision is somewhat layered. In essence my back hurt each and every day from the trades and I wanted to inspire my sons to do more than be a sub-blue collar worker their entire lives. When I enrolled in community college I was thinking of getting an AN degree.Yet I stumbled upon this orientation offering free pizza and it turns out that Saint George’s in the Caribbean was declaring that I too could become a physician. Well there it is. Forget that I am a high school drop out and teen age runaway. That is just my personal baggage. Nevertheless, it cause a great deal of anxiety attending classes. Now, anxiety slithers under my skin once again. I went to Grenada to attend the First term in August and became really upset. I am not one to experience emotion so the rush of feelings had me purchasing a ticket home that day. My wife cautioned me to stay but I left a few days later. I was well those last couple of days but still in shock from my episode. I returned a couple of weeks later with my family to have a look around, which I should have done earlier anyway. Now I am enrolled for first term January 2018. I have recently been taxing my self psychologically with some involuntary anxiety regarding loneliness and questioning my mental capacitance to actually get the job done in classes. I am just going to go and do it! Make or break for the first semester. Why am I scared? I can reason it out logically. Yet, the fear is pressing on me. are there any other adults that have had a bout or two of internal pressure along the way or is it that everyone is so confident and academically secure that everyone else is forged in iron? Hopefully a few of you would reach out and offer some support as I struggle with my fear of the unknown. Okay, thanks for reading…
Bananahands
You’re not alone.
I’m currently working on a nursing degree, I need to make $$ and be able to pick up shifts during Medical school. I’m trying to take my science courses along with my nursing courses (holy cow that’s difficult to schedule!!) I often think it would be easier to just go the Nurse Practitioner route…But I have a dream. So I’ll keep plugging away.
You will do fine. You will get into a routine and be busy busy busy.
I’m no stranger to anxiety. Maybe go to your GP and ask for some meds. Lexapro is really effective for my anxiety in general. But I also have access to klonopin if I’m having a particularly bad episode of anxiety. Finding something that works for you can be a lifesaver. And a non medicine related tip would be to relax every once in a while. Find a rhythm and don’t work constantly. Your body and mind need rest. Take at least a few hours every week or 10 minutes a day to do nothing.
First of all, kudos to you for setting your sights on something and having the courage to go for it. I’ve been friends with anxiety for a long time and the biggest thing I’ve learned is that it is just there to play a trick on you. It rears its head and “slithers under skin” to try to convince you to be afraid. We are thinkers of habit and the pressure of changing is always uncomfortable. Anytime we step out of what we perceived as comfort (old life, old jobs, patterns etc) there is something there to tell us we can’t do it…good ole anxiety. Don’t focus on it, let it be there and exist with you. Don’t give it any power and it will go away. Try to identify what the fear is really trying to tell you and learn from it. Best of luck in Grenada. One of the most beautiful islands. Enjoy it.
Beautiful story, it’s inspiring of you to chart a new path in life as a fifty year old, and to do it with a goal of inspiring your kids, too. Confidence is funny; I heard the expression “The actions of confidence come first, the feelings of confidence come later.” It’s okay to admit that you feel nervous, anxious, and underprepared, and yet it’s valuable to practice taking steps toward your values and who you want to be anyway, even while feeling scared. I’m just a stranger on the Internet, but from my perspective it looks like you are putting in a hard and sincere effort to build a meaningful life, and the difficulties are just part of that road, not necessarily a sign that you should stop. Be kind to yourself on this challenging path!