Nearly everyone’s heard of Bravo’s “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” the
hit TV show in which five gay guys attempt to coach a straight guy on the
finer points of good taste. Most people, though, aren’t aware that there’s
a show from the opposite point of view, in which straight guys try to get a
gay guy to act more, well, straight.
The Top 18 Things Heard on "Straight Eye for the Queer Guy"
18> "You don’t need fancy-schmancy shampoos. A gallon of Suave costs $1.99
and will last you six months."
17> "Okay, see that ticker on the bottom of the screen showing up-to-date
sports scores? Never noticed that before, did ya?"
16> "A daily Tabasco-sauce gargle will lower the voice an octave and a
half, putting it in the perfect range for bellowing ‘LOSERS!’ at Knicks games."
15> "‘Yellow’ is a color. ‘Red’ is a color. ‘Tangerine’ is a fruit. And if
I’m not mistaken, ‘lemon chiffon’ is a dessert."
14> "For your face-care regimen, I’m switching you to a Norelco
rechargeable shaver, followed by a splash of Old Spice. They’re both
primary sponsors of Dale Earnhardt Jr.‘s Winston Cup car."
13> "Reading Maxim magazine is great. Dancing with both hands below your
head works fine. Now let’s talk about your Episcopalian religion…"
12> "Make sure to scoop the salsa carefully, so the chip doesn’t brea--
HEY! Keep that pinky down!"
11> "Try not to be the first one in and the last one out of the shower,
Mr. Piazza."
10> "Don’t bother trying to find ‘Skoal brown’ and ‘Bud yellow’ in a paint
store – you gotta mix those colors yourself."
9> "You’re probably unaware of how many food items are now available in
convenient aerosol form."
8> "First things first: Let’s teach you the difference between dirty and
unwearable."
7> "I’m tellin’ ya, it don’t matter if the shoes ‘accessorize with the rest
of the ensemble,’ as long as you can easily clean vomit off ‘em."
6> "Leather jacket? Sure! Leather pants? Iffy. Leather chaps? Only if
Mistress Helga is going to spank you tonight."
5> "Okay, I’m sorry my Rottweiler dismembered your Bichon Frise – but
trust me, you don’t want a gay dog like that anyway."
4> "When at a restaurant, order whatever you want – as long as you look
and talk directly into the imaginary camera nestled between the waitress’
breasts."
3> "Never shave on a weekend, unless you’re going to a wedding where you
have a chance at nailing a bridesmaid."
2> "Let’s talk about the holy trinity of interior design: pizza boxes, neon
Budweiser signs and Heineken mirrors."
and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Thing Heard on “Straight Eye for the Queer Guy”…
1> “First of all, you gotta stop crying every time Greta Van Susteren says
how much jail time Martha Stewart might get.”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
Okay Rachel, too funny, but I LOVE “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”. I’ve only watched it three times so I don’t know the guys names, but I LOVE the skinny, blonde flaming queen!! Why DON’T straight guys clean themselves up and look a little better?!? Are you listening guys?
Kathy
but then you might think we were gay!
I never watched the show except for 5 minutes when I was flipping, but something struck me as odd.
Some have said that gays dress rather well, and if that is the case, then why would any guy want to dress how a gay dresses? Of course this get rather blurry, for many who do dress well are not gay and many gays do not dress well. But even your response kinda proves the points - straight guys just don't seem to care how they dress, at least in comparison to how much gays care.
hope I did not start a flame war here.
I thought it was hysterical. I do not know if we'll get this in the UK, but I was laughing so hard at the schlubs they pull out of the woodwork. I mean, my god son, Martha Stewart would shreek and run the other way. The only people they could get to help are 4 gay men!!!
Oh yes, no one actually like Foi Gras…they only pretend. Never serve this at a party. Use Celery and some sort of spread. Never Foi Gras.
| QUOTE (BACMEDIC @ Aug 18 2003, 01:15 PM) |
|
hope I did not start a flame war here. |
(Sound of rimshot)
He'll be appearing here through Thursday, folks!
Be sure to tip your wait staff, they work hard.
Sorry BACMEDIC, I couldn't resist!
racerx
OMG I love that show! I have also just started watching it but I also love the blonde flamer