Hi Everyone
I’m loving all the discussions everyone is having here and the participation. Anytime there is a question, someone comes up with an excellent answer. Recently, I with my roommate. My roommate got a dog, which he didn’t run by me. I reacted very negatively and was upset by the whole situation. How could he bring a dog without asking or even demanding that he will bring a dog beforehand?
It started on a Friday. I came home from work and rushed to the bathroom because I had to poop. When I came out the bathroom I heard a quiet whine. First I checked the backyard, but there was no animal. Then I realized the whining was coming from his bedroom. I flicked the light on and there was a dog in a cage. Initially, I was confused, but I became angrier and angrier. How could he bring a dog without a discussion? After I got angry, I texted my roommate and his response was that this was an emotional support dog and that there was nothing that I could do to remove the dog. He even further stated that there was nothing that the landlord could do about it either.
The next morning I went to talk to my landlord and he was upset. They asked him before if they could have a dog and he said no. Then he gave me the option to remove the dog from the apartment. I talked to my roommate and we had a heart to heart discussion. The day he got the dog he was supposed to just look but fell in love with the dog. Additionally, he had personal reasons for getting the dog. I thought those reasons were valid and truly believed that he needed the dog. Throughout the whole situation, I could not control my emotions. I controlled my words and actions, but my emotions boiled and I was so upset. I was unable to think clearly and had a real urge to remove the dog out of spite.
In my journey as a premed student, there have been many scenarios where I have to be a compassionate and understanding person. My actions reflect compassion and understanding, but my emotions do not. Could you share with me how you overcome confusion, anger, and negativity?
First, I’m sorry about the dog/roommate situation. That would really, really have bothered me for so many reasons. Roommates are difficult to live with, and you’re smart to try to deal with your emotions before you face even bigger stresses like med school and everything else that life will throw at you. Or maybe you’ve had a really stressful life already. Not sure where you are in life or how you got there Either way, coping with nasty emotions is a really important life skill to have.
I suspect that the answer to your question will vary from person to person, but for me, I can say that prevention is the best medicine. If I can keep life pretty balanced and make time to take care of myself (for me that means two, fifteen-minute periods a day absolutely to myself and a longer period of around an hour every week or two), I have the mental wherewithal to deal with life’s frustrations. The more the stress builds, the longer break I need. Keeping perspective on problems also helps, and I’ve found that as I age, the little things don’t bother me as much. Being grateful for what’s going well in life helps me, too. Finally, I find that elements of my faith help me. If you practice a faith, you might find some guidance there.
But sometimes you do feel the anger, confusion, and negativity, despite your best efforts. When that happens, I just allow myself to have the feelings. Sometimes that’s enough and I can move on pretty quickly. Other times the feelings persist and start to weigh me down, so I try to think about why I have the feelings. The reasons behind the feelings can give you ideas of things to work on. Journaling can help with that. Sometimes after journaling I realize that a problem really isn’t that big, or I realize that it IS big, but I’m able to accept what I can’t change. Taking a break to cool off can help, but I wouldn’t recommend doing that to the point that you’re just running from the problem. Emotions have to be dealt with before they fester.
I hope that I’ve given you some ideas for how to cope and that you’re able to patch things up (not sweep things under the rug) with the roommate and landlord. Hang in there!
@KRinMD you are the friend that everyone needs in their life. I’m going to take your advice and put it to use. Journaling seems like a great idea and I’ll start one tonight. Thanks for the help, friend!
No problem! I hope that the journaling is working. It takes constant work, and I found that I needed to step back and take my own advice. It’s been a busy week–first week of the new semester (and my first post-bacc class, first time in an actual classroom since 2004, wondering if the baby will be OK while I’m gone); a visit to my parents’ house across the state with my three little kids in tow; starting an online health ministry training course; extended family drama; and all of the usual stress of life with a husband and three kids. I could feel my shoulders and neck getting tight and a headache or two coming on. I didn’t cut anything from my schedule, but I took some time last night to relax instead of watching TV, went for a run/walk at the gym, and got back into my morning habit of prayer and journaling. I’m feeling better and energized about tackling my week.
Do you have a good planner? My husband got me this cool planner called the Passion Planner (you can google it). It helps with laying out both short-term and long-term goals; personal and work/academic goals; and targeted tasks for each day, week, and month. Getting things down on paper into the planner and out of my head and seeing my goals in writing has helped me to feel less overwhelmed. So not really about emotions but general time/stress management, which can impact emotions.
Either way, coping with nasty emotions is a really important life skill to have.