Supportive hubby? Maybe not

Hi everyone, I’m new here, and absolutelly LOVE the site. I found out about it from MomMD. I have a little dilema: My husband is extremelly excited about me to med school. He’s actually growing impatient. I have a terrible gpa, so I was advised to take a few graduate level courses. While I was finishing my u/g I had 2 girls (now 2 1/2y/o and a 7 month old). I have read post after post on when is the best time to start medical school…feeling guilty…and so on. This helped me a lot. I absolutely feel guilty, which is why I’m taking my time w/ these graduate courses now, but what do I tell my husband in the mean time. Everytime I try to talk to him about this he thinks I’m chickening out on med school(I have been known to start and not finish things), Yes I’m a bit hesitant, I’m only human, but I’m really not ready to give my daughters to daycare, and to put them thru this sacrifice. My husband really has NO idea what being a medical student takes, or a med student’s husband!! On the other hand I don’t want him to think of me as a loser or a quiter.
Another dilema: I would love to have another child, any ideas on how I can break all this to him?
I guess I can’t have my chocolate cake and eat it too

As far as damage control for a poor GPA, I’m afraid I can’t help you… I’m doing the same thing…
But as far as giving your kids to daycare… I don’t think there is such a thing…while some people really do allow “daycare” to raise their kids… these people would do so regardless of daycare… they’d give them to somebody, rather than take an interest in their children… I seriously doubt that you would do the same.
I was working full time and my children went to preschool… During this time they have learned FAR more than other children their age… both educationally and socially… I knew that were they home with me, I’d be insane, and not likely to be able to entertain them or educate them in the same manner… I didn’t have the time or the resources (or the training) to care for them the way they’ve been cared for. My oldest is now going into 2nd grade… My youngest, I pulled out of preschool just recently…and honestly, since then, his behavior has been atrocious… he needs the socialization among other things…
As far as not finishing things… I think we tend to not finish things because we’re afraid of completing them… or afraid of failing at them… we start projects to distract us from other things we need to do… come up with lofty goals that are completely impossible to attain to keep ourselves failing.
we’re afraid of succeeding… and afraid of failing…
as far as having another child… if you want one, have one…
if your husband is so excited about medical school… maybe he should go…
we have to decide for ourselves what we need to do… and how we want to spin our lives. we can’t live by fear or perceptions, because that’s not living.
Take care!

Hi there,
A couple of the general surgery residents and one of our attending physicians have given birth in the last year. Not only are their children in daycare but they are doing well. Yes, it does take more but children are very resiliant and will do well if Mom and Pop are doing well.
As Mary R.R. said, you really need to take your time a plan your course of actions well for medical school admission. Getting in is tough but staying in is even tougher. You need to have your study skills, GPA and support system revved up and ready to go. Take this time and really work out all of the problems now.
Guilt is a wonderful thing but it doesn’t really solve your problems and it makes you miserable. Replace it with plenty of planning a preparation. Keep lists and check off every little step that you do each day that takes you toward your goal. You can share your small victories daily with your husband who might feel that you are making progress if he sees your day to day triumphs. A string of small victories adds up to a war that is won!
Good luck

About childcare-
I have seesawed on this issue so many times in my life. I think it’s hormonal!
As a parent, we want to protect our kids. Part of protecting them is keeping them close to us. But this closeness isn’t just a physical thing, it’s emotional and spiritual as well.
It’s hard to let go and give over the physical care of your child to someone else. When it is necessary, an immense amount of guilt can occur. I’ve found that, rather than focusing on this guilt, if I focus in enriching and reinforcing the emotional and spiritual side of my relationships with my children, I feel more confident and less angst-ridden about having to be away from them. And I believe my children feel more secure and comfortable as a result.
For example, I eat lunch with my son on Mondays during the school year. He knows that I’ll be there. It’s a standing date, and it’s something we both enjoy. Another example is that I nurse my daughter every night before she goes to sleep. We lie in bed cuddling and sharing the lovely closeness of bedtime. It’s something she expects and we both enjoy it.
I suppose my point here is that when you make a decision, whether to work or go to school, that takes you away from your children, you will feel guilt over not being with them. It’s a natural thing, and it means you are a caring parent. But leaving them does not mean you are a bad parent, just a busy one. Focus on the positives and give your children rich experiences when you ARE with them, and you will come closer to achieving a balance in all of your lives.
I suppose the same applies for time with your significant other, too!

I’m just addressing the issue of “supportive husband.” Two yrs ago when I told my husband that I was going to PA school. I’d been staying home for 4 yrs, previously had worked at job w/ 6 figure income. He was against it for a number of reasons – (didn’t think I could do the class work, didn’t think I would stick w/ it, etc. etc. – a real confidence builder . I was ANGRY!!)
I had 40 hrs of bio/chem work to do, and started slow, had been out of school for 20 yrs. Once I started getting the grades, increasing class load and still getting the grades, he became more supportive. He saw I was happy and thriving…something I guess I hadn’t been doing in awhile. He realized I could go back to my former profession (which I hated) or move forward to something I wanted to do my entire life. (OK, not that I’d always wanted to be a PA, but work in medicine.)
Now that I have been accepted, he is 1000% behind me – “whatever it takes” he says. And, I have the benefit that he has been through vet. school – so he knows the drill.
We have 2 elem. age kids - and are faced w/ childcare issues. He will have one at his clinic after school. And hours will have to be flexible to accomidate my sched. for awhile. He also is giving up his adjunct position until I’m done w/ classes.
So, he has gone from zero support to a great support! In the case of full disclosure tho … he is a bit older then me, and calls this “his retirement plan.” LOL.

Hi Eli,
I am new here also but can share in some of your dilemma.
I have 4 children from 5 to 5 mo. old. Mine are young.
My husband and I always had the agreement that I would return to school after the last child went to Kindergarten for convenience of my school schedule.
Well…I am getting a bit antsy and don’t want to be too much older. No offense to anyone but I do not want to be a 60 year old practicing doctor.
I have already registered and enrolled for the Fall 2004 semester. I am taking 4 classes. 3 are online and 1 is in the evening for which my husband will be home to take care of the kiddos. But come next Spring I won’t have the luxury of taking as many online classes and will have to find some type of child care for the 3 younger ones. I am hesitant about a daycare center atmosphere so I am looking into home care from someone that attends our church.
My husband is very excited about me going to med school and supports my decision to start back earlier than agreed upon. The reason why he is excited is so that he can quit work and become a stay at home dad after I am finished with my schooling. But what he doesn’t realize is that the pay you receive as a resident is nowhere near comparable as to what he makes now! LOL
I am curious as to how other people have juggled their u/g work and Med School with their children. Especially if they are a mother. Sorry dads!
I have a good GPA and a good start and look forward to my onward journey!

Woohoo! I’m so glad you found us! I can’t comment on the kids issue but wanted to touch base and make sure none of the online classes is one of the core med school prerequisites. Some (maybe most) med schools get kind of shirty about distance ed classes.