I’m new to this forum, so forgive me if I am posing a question that has already been posted.
I’m interested in the “husband’s” perspective (non-traditionals) who are currently in medical school or who are pursuing medical school in the future. I am sure there are many instances where the husband was supporting his family at the time he decided to apply to medical school. And there are others when both spouses are working.
Were you working and solely supporting your families before you went to medical school? Were your wives supportive of your decision? How did you manage to support your families and cope with the rigors of medical school? Did any of you have to relocate? I am aware that some medical schools in the Caribbean provide living accommodations for families. Any experiences with this area?
Any input would be much appreciated. Thanks!!
Irrespective of which partner in a relationship is going to med school or trying to get there, it is 200% a team effort. There isno way to successully extricate oneself from this…excepting, of course, severing the relationship. The roles you and your partner have assigned/assumed will necessarily change and that change will become an even more dynamic point-of-balance than it was prior to med school.
In summation, it will not be easy and undertaking this very long & challenging journey test the mettle of your relationship. If you honor what I refer to as the 4 pillars of successful relationships [trust, honesty, communication and respect] then you will be more likely to emerge with an intact & probably stronger relationship. However, if the foundations of your relationship are not sound, you cannot make them sound or their are fundamental flaws that you have thus far not addressed, the pressure will find them and create cracks which will only expand, if not addressed.
I am currently a pseudo 3rd year (since I am done with 2nd year but have not taken my boards yet), and I am married with three kids. Let me tell you that this is a big test of our relationship. I can tell you in a heart beat that medical school would be much easier were I single and not a father. But this is not the case. I AM married and I AM a father.
It all comes down to scheduling. I tell my wife a week before exams that we are in exam mode. Meaning, I am not home. Even if I am home, I am not home because I am studying. And right now, because of boards, we are in exam mode until June 5th. This requires a lotof sacrifice on her part and then returning the favor on my part. Basically when the exam is over, I come home, rest, and then it is all me. Giving the girls dinner, getting them ready for bed, and into bed.
Every morning I get the older ones ready for school and take them to the bus. If I do not have an exam, then I study until Friday night and then do not touch a book until Sunday afternoon. This is family time. When my classmates want to go out, I decline because I need to get home and help my wife out. However, once the kids are in bed and she is settled down either working on just chillaxing then if my classmates want to get together I go.
However, there are times, when you just need to give your spouse a break. Bring them flowers, and tell them how much you appreciate them.
Awesome advice!
Gablerman - great advice! When I was studying for the MCAT, taking classes and working full time I set aside Friday night for my wife and Saturday morning for my 17-year old son and didn’t study until Sunday. It is important to reconnect every few days. I also made sure to throw laundry into the washer every few days and clean as I go.