Hi all! Please be kind, because I feel like I am being absolutely ridiculous. I’ll try to keep it as short and to the point as possible!
About 10 years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor. Specifically an ob-gyn or a pediatrician. I was a new mom and I thought the whole thing was so fascinating. For a lot of reasons (namely the time involved and how soon I’d be able to support my family if necessary), I decided to become a nurse with the goal of eventually becoming a nurse-midwife. Well fast-forward to 2020, I’m in a nurse-midwifery program, working as a nurse, and then a pandemic hits and I have to take care of covid patients and it does what it did to a lot of us - breaks my spirit and completely decimates my desire for direct patient care.
During all this time, I never stopped wishing I was a doctor instead, but as I’m very practical, I knew that it was financially a better choice due to the speed with which I’d be able to make money. Except now it isn’t. My kids are a bit older - 11 and 13 - and I hate being a nurse. I’ve changed my program from midwifery to public health and I have so much debt from nursing school that I may as well have gone to medical school.
None of my interactions with med students, residents, or attendings over the years have dissuaded me from wanting to be a physician, although the type of physician I want to be has changed a bit. The thought of starting over, though, is … well, daunting is an understatement. I can’t imagine the amount of debt I would be in and then what if I didn’t match? Not to mention, my husband is nice and supportive but we are likely going to be divorced for reasons unrelated to my career path.
I know nobody can make my decision for me. But I do wish someone would once and for all tell me that it’s a stupid idea and I should stop wishing for it and figure out some less ridiculous career option. OR that people would tell me so many ways that it’s difficult but absolutely doable. Because I’m in limbo. I can’t do what I’m doing anymore. I hate being a nurse. I love public health, but being an MD or DO who does public health seems like the best possible option. I can’t do what I’m doing, though. I have to make a change. And I’m hoping someone here could give me at least a little insight.