What the heck am I doing?

I started back at school this fall with pre-med coursework. I’m currently an online teacher, and I know this will be my last teaching gig. Although I really hate my job, I’m really thankful for the job that I have in these tight times, and even more thankful for the fact that it’s flexible enough for me to work and go to school at the same time.

I have a question, though. About 99.5% of the time, I’m sold on med school and being a doctor. I lose sleep at night thinking about it, I’m so excited. My husband is supportive beyond all reason, and so is the rest of my family. I’ve got three kids (all very young) who won’t even be in high school by the time I’m done.

There are days, though, when I question if this is the “right” choice. Yesterday, my husband took work off just to be with us so I could work (from home) while he played with the kids. I’m a quality time person… days like that when I get to be with my family really re-fuel me. But it left me with this little feeling that I’d be giving it all up.

I have days when I wondering what the heck I’m doing. Life, currently, is just fine. I’ve got three wonderful kids and a job that pays the bills. We live in a nice house and are very comfortable. Yesterday was one of those days when I looked at my direction (which I’ve been sold on since elementary school), and I questioned what I’m doing.

To those of you who are on your way (already taking pre-med courses, in med school, residency, or graduated), did you ever have the same feeling/thought? How did you deal with it? Did it ever go away or lessen? I get this feeling about three days out of the whole year, so it’s not like it’s something I feel frequently.

Any thoughts would be appreciated!


Thinking about getting into Med School and worrying about family time… I have read something on this forum: “You can have anything, but you can’t have everything”.

For sure your husband is supportive. I am also pretty sure that you will have to commit and sacrifice a lot. The question is to know what is the most important to you. I am not saying that you will have to give up completely on family time if you go to Med School, but it’s going to take a big hit. The upside is that you will enjoy intensely any moment you will spend with your family.

Good luck with you decision. In the end, you should do whatever makes you happy.


I think about it all the time… and then I move on. I wonder if this or that or something else is the “sign” that I should give up this path… but then the next thought is, “to do what?!” and then I meet a professor on campus who lights up my day and realize, this is where I need to be, this is where I need to go.

If you did not question the sanity of it once in awhile, I’d question yours!

Support you 1000% in this journey!


That was totally what I needed to hear, especially your last line about questioning. I’m okay with living with the questioning as long as I know it’s not a huge red flag that means I shouldn’t be continuing on. I guess I’m just the type of person who doesn’t like surprises, and I really like to have everything always planned and the road paved in front of me before even beginning the journey.

I apreciate your insight. THANK YOU!!!

I have three under three. I fly two days a week and school full time. I question my sanity and choices regularly. I think everyone should. We discuss it as a family once a quarter. We keep choosing for me to go to school. During that quarter I do not question it again. I want to leave my children with the idea that you are never too old, that nothing need stop you to achieve your goals. I want to leave them a legacy. That to me is important. Some mothers put their life on hold, my life is in full swing.

  • kwicklea Said:
I guess I'm just the type of person who doesn't like surprises, and I really like to have everything always planned and the road paved in front of me before even beginning the journey.

I appreciate your insight. THANK YOU!!!

Me either but I think part of this path we're on is coping and working to and through the roller coaster of unknowns and unplanned events that happen.

I believe it is what will make us fine doctors someday.

BTW, thank you! It is mutual
  • Kimberly_h Said:
We keep choosing for me to go to school. During that quarter I do not question it again.

Can I steal this for my blog (not your personal life but the statement)?

It is so true: if you decide at beginning of quarter/semester to continue, then don't question it again until the semester is over. Otherwise, so much valuable time gets wasted in the machinations of "what to do-not-to-do-to-do-not-do ..."

Choose and move. Pause, decide. Choose and move.

Love it!

Help yourself. I can’t say it’s truly mine. Just letting others know how the wheels are (or are not) turning in my brain. It is true, once you choose to go…you have to go with it. We found a few things that didn’t work for us this quarter. I can’t do overnights (layovers in other cities), yet, I have to leave the house to actually study. Too many interruptions and distractions at home. My attention to detail (or lack of) is coming up as an issue in the sciences area. I feel that it is due to not being allowed to study in peace and quiet regularly. Shows up on the tests. I set up correctly and fail to label and such. (point here and there. uff da)

I feel if you have kids you have to be readjusting constantly. They have different needs. Gone are the days of their 2-3 hour naps. Ha! But, I am determined that this can be done. At least next quarter.