Newsflash, right? LOL
Yes, I want to be a physician. Those of you who have been walking with me for awhile are probably thinking, “uh…yeah?”
Let me explain. I finished pre-req classes in April. I took my MCAT in April. I took it again in June. I’ve finished my application.
Life, as I know it, has gone back to “normal.” And I have to be honest–there have been a few weeks that felt pretty great, and I began to wonder if this road was worth it. My husband has a new job, and his salary is easily that of most primary care doctors. My job is fine. My girls are growing up (youngest starts kindergarten in 2 weeks), but we just found out we have a baby on the way. Life is GREAT. We are so blessed. Things are… wonderful.
Really…is med school worth it? I’ve had this dialogue over the last several weeks of morning sickness (or as I like to call it, all day sickness)…considering quitting my current job to stay home with the new baby, and just being happy with life as it is. Wouldn’t that just be…easier?
Of course it would.
I had my 2nd ultrasound this morning, and my little blob has turned into a little baby…almost through with my first trimester, I sat in my doctor’s office this morning and all I could think about was the absolute, utter miracle of the human body. It’s truly remarkable.
Then, my dr (who I have a fantastic relationship with, and he even jokes that I should become his partner one day) started telling me about a new surgical technique he’s doing… called “da Vinci surgical technique.” It’s minimally invasive robotic surgery, and it’s supposed to change many things about the current landscape of the OR…I was completely in awe.
I didn’t want to leave the doctor’s office today. I wanted to go to work. I wanted to see patients. I wanted to follow my OB into exam room after exam room and watch the interactions. I wanted to go with him to the hospital for his afternoon C-Section. I wanted to be immersed in the whole thing.
Yes, I’ve been comfortable this summer (well, aside from the puking…
Yes, it would be easy to put this down. Yes, the application cycle will be stressful alongside pregnancy.
But I’m not looking for easy. Or comfortable. I’m looking for that little flame that drives me… that stirs my heart and makes me want more. So, once again, I can confirm it: I. Want. To. Be. A. Doctor.Whew! Good thing… I’d have hated to have wasted all this time and effort… 
I know we all fight our own battles…but when it gets dark, or we start to question our journey? Dig deep. Hang on. And remember why you are fighting for this. Just don’t give up, guys… it’s worth it.
Have a good day, friends!
I hear ya!!
I told my mom on Monday evening that I’d had “an interesting day!” at clinic…and that in other words, a day that any normal person would find appalling 
But it was cool to see the stuff that came in that day (to ME). So, yes, I can totally see you wanting to, well, stalk your OB to participate in the day.
And let me tell you that third year and getting to see patients every day is awesome!! Just hoping my current orthopedic challenge doesnt’ limit me doing my rotations.
Kate
Carrie Liz,
I love reading your posts (I almost said “listening to” them)…you articulate things that I think but can’t find words for.
I’m glad you had this experience, and that you wrote about it. Thanks!
Annette
I know what you are feeling! I get so annoyed sometimes with this prereq stuff. It can get irritating to be worrying about centripetal force on a motorcyle when I just want to be in med school already. But, then I have to remind myself that I do this to get where I want to be and it makes it tolerable all over again. Every Friday night when I walk into the hospital for my volunteer shift on the Hospice unit I get those chills up the spine, hairs standing on the back of my neck feeling. Never fails. It’s feeling like this is where I need to be and it just reinforces what I’m doing in Physics or Chemistry or what not right now.
I have developed a bond with a patient who has been on the hospice unit since March which is quite rare as in our country hospice is too often a last minute thing and patient’s don’t usually get the comforting and peaceful care they should have at the end of life until it is right in front of them. That’s another story. However, this patient whom I’ve grown to love like a third grandma has been praying for me in school and has been an immense cheerleader of mine. It’s so fulfilling to see her on a Friday night when I’ve spent the week going crazy over being a mom and a premed student and an adult with responsibilities to be reminded of why I am investing this energy and time to follow my passion.
I hear you on getting comfortable, too, Carrie. There have been days especially this summer where I’ve just felt content with the here and now and at risk of complacency, but just like you, all it takes is a doctor appt or a trip to the hospital or even a discussion about something medically related and I’m back.
I. WANT. TO. BE. A. DOCTOR. TOO!
I know we’re going to make it, too!
Me too!!! Me too!! Had two doctor’s appointments this week and it only whetted my appetite to strive harder, work longer, and REACH!!! The opthamologist described to me in detail how the optic nerve is incapable of sustaining even the tiniest amount of pressure and that the cells are so delicate, they die instantly. He described the pattern of blindness that would occur should that happen. I was FASCINATED. Of course, thankfully, my visual field test was fine, and this is not happening, but I couldn’t even think of it being about me…all I could think of was cell structure under a microscope and how I wanted to SEE more. You are so right carrieliz - it is a desire that consumes you…Count me in!!!
Ahh, Carrie… there’s a reason I quote you in my signature here.
I really hope you’re recording your journey somehow. Whether its in a notebook on your desk, or a digital one in Evernote, I can easily imagine you writing a really great book about your journey.
Can’t wait to see your stories over the next year.