Can anyone share their experience or viewpoints? I am 31, female, and by the time I transfer to UC Davis, I’ll be divorced. I have a lot of anxieties about the issue of being single while premed and later, a med student.
I’ve worried somewhat about the issue of finding anyone else - for one, it seems like most people in my age group or older, really want to be with somebody who already has “the ducks in a row” rather than have to support someone through school who is in their thirties. I’m already going through that with the husband (and soon to be ex husband); all he can see is that I will be in school during the years that other women are having men’s babies. Heck, I don’t even want babies.
I don’t want to be so stupid and petty as to make my issues about dating, an excuse for not going ahead with my dreams.
I’m in the middle of a divorce myself. I’m taking the MCAT on Saturday and applying this coming year for admission in 2006. My soon-to-be-ex was actually supportive of my going to med school, so I gave up financial and some emotional support in ending the marriage. The hardest part was just accepting the notion that I’ll have great, big, fat loans when I finish. Once I was over the hump, the rest has not been so bad.
I’m a bit older than you and can’t have babies anyway, so that worry is out the window. And to be honest, coming right out of a divorce I’m not ready to think about relationships yet. If it happens, it happens. I hope to keep at least one regular social activity going for as long as I can (for me it’s social dancing) so that I meet people and see friends and make new ones. If romance comes from that, WONDERFUL. We’ll deal with the relationship issues as they come. If it doesn’t, then it’s just not meant to be.
I think that love is all around, and if you make the time to go out in the rain with your umbrella closed, sooner or later you’ll get wet. But you have to live your very best life in the meantime, and follow your dreams. That way, if Mr. Right comes along he will be falling in love with who you are and not who you used to be.
While I didn’t have to deal with a divorce I just got out of a 6year relationship myself. I’ll be 31 on Thursday, and have 3 years left on my bachelor degrees before applying to med school. While I’ve found myself starting to look at options out there more often then I used to I’m more than content at the moment to concentrate on school.
I think you’ll be surprised how many men won’t care if you have “all your ducks in a row” so long as you have a true direction. While I’m not really interested in dating right now, I’m still getting plenty of offers (of all ages), but I’m happy going out with the girls and maybe meeting a nice guy to spend the evening dancing and talking with and leaving it there.
As far as the whole kid’s thing I’m undecided about whether I ever want them, but I know that school is the most important thing since that will give me the finances to be able to raise a child,and since school is the most important thing if that means not having a child til after med school and having to adopt well then that’s perfectly fine. I’ve met plenty of men that don’t have a problem with that philosophy.
So, the point is that I think you’re worrying needlessly and that the most important thing should be and needs to be getting the grades. The rest will come when the time is right.
It’s a relief to talk to you. I’m only a year or two behind you… 31, presently a community college student, and one year away from transferring to the school (Davis) where I’ll be doing my last two years toward the BS although realistically it will probably take three years. Yea. I tend to worry over things and try to analyze every angle of something. I need to get into more science classes so I can use those powers for good and not evil. 
Fortunately it’s not much of a divorce… short marriage, no kids.
Take it easy and be kind to yourself. These simple divorces tend to have waves of emotion sneak up on you at the worst possible moment. Hang in there!
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Can anyone share their experience or viewpoints? I am 31, female, and by the time I transfer to UC Davis, I’ll be divorced. I have a lot of anxieties about the issue of being single while premed and later, a med student.
I’ve worried somewhat about the issue of finding anyone else - for one, it seems like most people in my age group or older, really want to be with somebody who already has “the ducks in a row” rather than have to support someone through school who is in their thirties. I’m already going through that with the husband (and soon to be ex husband); all he can see is that I will be in school during the years that other women are having men’s babies. Heck, I don’t even want babies.
I don’t want to be so stupid and petty as to make my issues about dating, an excuse for not going ahead with my dreams.
Hey there, I’m 32 and will be starting med school in the fall, and as a premed have been in the following situations: single, dating, and serious relationship (not in that order). At least for me I think that being a premed has had almost no bearing on the whole relationship issue. In school no one really cares about your relationship status (unless they’re interested!) and outside of school–ok, don’t anyone take this the wrong way–but non-traditional female premeds don’t always get taken “completely seriously” to begin with so at the outstart there’s not a huge “issue” to deal with. Beyond that point, anyone worth getting to know well will not bolt once they learn that you’re serious about your school and career plans. If they do you can just be grateful to them for self selecting.
If anything your plans will lead you to new people that you never would have met otherwise! You’re going to be single for now regardless of what you do, so you might as well be doing whatever it is you’re most dedicated to.
Also, people with their “ducks in a row” get kinda dull.
I’m another single premed and starting again after a breakup. I don’t think anyone cares if my ducks are in a row. Being a single mom makes makes it harder to date but not impossible with a little family and friend support for babysitting. I’m not quite sure what conditions are optimal for finding the perfect mate so I don’t really worry about it. As a 39 year old single, I adopted my daughter. There are all kinds of ways to have your life the way you want it. I also believe if you follow your passions and are a happier person, people are attracted to that. As a 42 year old premed, its not realistic to expect to date my 20 year old classmates… not that I want to. The road ahead will be filled with many opportunities to meet people and there are lots of ways to make more opportunities.
Good luck.
Such lovely advice. It is reassuring to hear it. I’m single, never married but got close, & don’t want/can’t have kids. I’m also older than most of you, at 42.
I think keeping an outside thread going, as someone else said, is important to keep meeting folks our age. Mine however, is symphony/opera; not many eligible males there. I’ll have to dust off my salsa shoes.
(sighs)…i wish i was married.
I was where you were right before I got with my husband.
It’s better to be single than in the wrong marriage. Trust me and trust every divorcee on this.
I am now married, in a very toxic relationship, and plotting my way out - this may be unnaturally easy given that soon I’ll be transferring to my premed university but the husband refuses to move house. I lost my student aid when I married him, and it’s only since marrying him that he’s let me know “oh, I guess I can’t pay for your schooling after all” (he knew this was a condition of marrying him). I’ve decided I have to go forward with or without him. The relationship sucks, and I intend to move out this summer and get a divorce soon so that I can get my student aid again in time to transfer to UC Davis.
In the seven years that I didn’t date anyone, I longed for romance, even though I had many close, fulfilling friendships. Now I just long for a place of my own where I only have to deal with my pile of dirty laundry and no one else’s. My partner is very high maintenance and doesn’t pull his weight in the relationship, and I know that divorcing him is probably the only way I’ll get through school. So count your blessings.
I’m not really up to another relationship for a while. Once I get my “emancipation papers”, I want to enjoy my freedom while I’m still young and alive.
So count your blessings. It’s easy to end up with the wrong one just because you want someone. I know how that is. But it usually doesn’t work. When you’re alone, you still have all the possibilities in the world of finding the right one.
Sorry, I’m a little bitter and cynical right now.
Wow! You sound so much like me right now! Except that I do have 4 wonderful kids. I long for a place that is “mine” to decorate how I’d like to, to be able to leave a toaster (or spice rack, etc) on the kitchen counter, to not find dirty underwear shoved some place (no I’m not talking about the kids), to not see dirty laundry pile up in a corner of the bedroom instead of being brought down to the laundry room, and to not have to deal with the consequences of two totally different parenting styles.
I think it’d be a lot easier being single (even with kids) than being in an unhapy, dysfunctional, non-supportive relatinship. I envy (in a nice way) those of you who have found happiness with your S/O, who are in relationships where both of you realize that saying “I do” doesn’t mean you stop working at the relationship, and who have truly caring spouses.
Tammy
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I long … to not have to deal with the consequences of two totally different parenting styles.
This will rain on your parade, but two different parenting styles will always be a part of your life for as long as your children see both you and their father. I have been divorced from my childrens’ father for fourteen years. I still hear about ‘what dad says is ok.’ If your childrens’ father drops out of their lives, then you won’t have parenting style differences to contend with. Instead, you will have to help your children through their bereavement (this, too, happened in my life for a time).
Just a reality check.
anita
Anita is a wise woman… listen to what she says… 
I’m not sure whether I should go yell at my husband now or count my blessings… LOL
School really is a full-time job… in addition to being married to someone, taking care of a household (single or married) and if you have kids… well… all of us women know a whole lot about multi-tasking…
concentrate on your studies. it’s likely that you’ll find many people who share your zest for knowledge. Many will simply become friends and others may become more…
Focus on what is most important right now for you though… which would be your own personal well-being and your education. You won’t be sorry that you did.
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School really is a full-time job… in addition to being married to someone, taking care of a household (single or married) and if you have kids… well… all of us women know a whole lot about multi-tasking…
There are some of us men that do too.
If your biological clock is not against you, then just relax. Love and relationships can be found at any age. I found my second husband at age 28 even though I had a child. I think if you are a strong person with your own interests, you will find that someone will be attracted to you that you also find attractive. Just take care of yourself, enjoy your continued medical pursuits, and best of wishes.
Kathy
I think it’s time to start an OPM dating service.
I’d probably be in favor of that as I am a freak magnet! My dating life is horrible right now!
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I’d probably be in favor of that as I am a freak magnet! My dating life is horrible right now!
That’s funny!
I can relate though… I even had an email address of psychomagnet@…com! LOL My friends all wonder if I’ll ever pick a “normal” one.
Is there such a thing??!? LOL
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I’d probably be in favor of that as I am a freak magnet! My dating life is horrible right now!
Dating life? You have a dating life? Heck, at dance class I’m flirting with the nuns!
OK all this fun repartee has me thinkin’ that OPM needs to tack on a day at the beginning or end of our conference to do fun stuff - maybe a lunch cruise or tour or something “Washington-y” but just fun, no lecture, no medicine crap. Whaddaya think y’all?
Mary
who (for the record) is happily married 