This post has more of a personal touch than anything else. Some context to it:
I started in Las Vegas, at UNLV, the prereqs. The counselor put together a good list with what I’ll have to accomplish to fulfill my dream to become a doctor. Due to reasons beyond my capacity to influence, at the end of 2010 I moved back to Michigan to a new job. At the begining of 2011 I met my future wife - we started dating in January, in June we were married.
And here comes the hard part. Along the way, I voiced my intent to continue the prereqs for the medical school only to discover lately (last 2-3 months or so) that she doesn’t agree to “sacrifice” her life in order for me to become a doctor. My explanation sounds simplistic but in fact there were countless discussions, often ending in arguments and tears.
Here’s a list of arguments that were going back and forth between me and her:
- She’s contemplaiting 10 years of sacrifices in which we wouldn’t be able to enjoy life, travel and have kids; I tried to explain to her that yes, there will be sacrifices, but not 10 years and not the dark levels she’s seeing. The real tough years would the four year of med-school and probably the residence years as well.
- she’s saying that why am I having a radical change, going from IT to medical school? Why can’t go back to the roots of my Electrical Engineering bachelor degree I already have. I also explained to her that I am not interested in EE, nor to go in any other engineering field. My passion and my dream is to become a doctor. I cannot imagine waking up and go to work and to something else. She’s not agreeing with this view and she’s seeing it as a childish and stubborn argument. Needless to say that her reply infuriated me over the top.
- She wants to have a child and she wants it now. As I’m seeing this, even if I wouldn’t want to continue down the path to medical school, we’re not ready to be that stable and we’re not financially prepared. She hasn’t finished her school, heck she hasn’t even started her graduate degree yet. So I don’t see how exactly is this feasible to have kids NOW. At the very least, I cannot agree on having kids now, without a clear path for our both careers. My clear path involves being a doctor and nothing else.
- She wants us to buy a house. I cannot agree on dealing with a house now when we’re probably supposed to move out, even move out of state, when I’ll be accepted to a med school wherever in US. A house will be a complete drag and headache.
- Maybe I’m repeating myself, but she’s strongly suggesting that I should quite my dream just because now I have responsability. I definitely explained to her that MY dream was and is to reach the age of 46 to be a doctor AND have a family and kids. The reason I started dating her was that she was being (at least at that moment) the kind of woman I want to have on my side. And I mentioned to her that I didn’t start the whole marriage thing just because I had too much spare time on my hands. I wanted to go in parallel with both school and marriage. As a note, I’m starting to think that this was a naive idea.
Above all, she’s all counter-reasoning with emotional arguments and not logical steps, especially the part where I should go down on an engineering path of any choice, just to support the family.
Any help, ideas, moral support how to get out of this (even a mentor-mentee help) would be more than welcome.
Thanks a lot and I look forward to remain indebted to all of you for your support.